Mike McQueary Coaching Penn State Saturday, Meanwhile Sandusky Allegedly Pimped His Victims

Uh, you guys, I think I found where they hid the boy rape. (Psst. The jacket.)

So welcome to the moment where this whole Penn State debacle gets even worse. First, let’s start with Mike McQueary who witnessed Jerry Sandusky sodomizing a 10-year-old boy in the shower and decided calling his dad for advice would be a better idea then say, I dunno, stopping a 10-year-old boy from sodomized in the shower. In his defense, however, McQueary’s dad is a doctor and maybe he just wanted to find out if having forced anal sex with children was really that bad or just another liberal lie to distract from real issues like zone coverage or nickel defense. Turns out the answer was, “Do the most politically advantageous thing possible and ride that puppy to success.” So long story short, McQueary reports Sandusky to Paterno who kicks it up the line and everyone goes about their business resulting in McQueary having a sweet assistant coaching job which he’ll still have this Saturday when Penn State plays Nebraska, according to TMZ. Meanwhile, Joe Paterno and president Graham Spanier are, deservedly, out of a job while the person who could’ve physically stopped all this gets to keep his. Of course, he’ll be happy to know that it’s now coming out that Jerry Sandusky was not only raping these kids himself, but pimping them to wealthy donors for some more rape. Via Business Insider:

I hear a rumor that there will be a shocking development from the Second Miles Foundation … That Jerry Sandusky and Second Mile were pimping out young boys to rich donors.”
Madden claims it’s being investigated by “two prominent columnists.”
We’d say this is ridiculous, and that you should take it with a grain of salt. But Madden actually wrote about Sandusky for the Beaver County Times six months ago — long before the scandal blindsided everyone else this week.
Madden also claimed Sandusky was forced out of Penn State in 1999.
“I think you’ll find out that Jerry Sandusky was told he had to retire in exchange for a cover up.”

Normally this is the part where I’d partake in some form of hyperbole and say something outrageous like, “At this point, we’ll probably find out Jerry Sandusky was not only raping these kids, but renting them out to wealthy clients like some sort of fucked up Netflix for pedophiles,” so I really don’t know where to go from here. Of course, I say that and next we’ll find out he also made them watch Glee. Then may God have mercy on us all.

Photo: Getty