Michaele Salahi Was Kidnapped If Kidnapped Means Banging Journey

September 15th, 2011 // 82 Comments

Yesterday, White House crasher turned Real Housewives star Tareq Salahi claimed his wife Michaele was abducted and even contacted the sheriff’s department before taking his case to TMZ. Turns out she left his ass to bang Journey’s Neal Schon and had already checked in with the police to make sure her husband didn’t find her:

The Warren County Sheriff’s Dept. just released a statement saying one of their deputies spoke with Michaele …. and “She seemed calm, was engaged in conversation, and assured the deputy that she had left the residence with a good friend and was where she wanted to be.”
The WCSD adds, “Mrs. Salahi advised that she did not want Mr. Salahi to know where she was.”
Cops say Michaele expressed she was “very sorry” that the Sheriff’s Office had to be involved, but “she did not want to be home right now.”

OBAMA: So, Neal, you gonna help me out?
NEAL: You’re saying they claimed to crash your first White House state dinner and made a mockery of the Secret Service?
OBAMA: Pretty much.
NEAL: … Alright, I’ll bang her.
OBAMA: But it’s gotta be embarrassing.
NEAL: It’s 2011 and she’s banging a member of Journey. It’ll be embarrassing.
OBAMA: Excellent…

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. DogBoy

    The Obama/Schon dialog made it work for me. Well done.

    • Matt

      Yeah, I nearly wept with joy at another chance for the Supe writer to get his political leanings in another post.

  2. Any Guy

    HAHA – proving that no matter how much money you have, you cannot control the libido of your trophy wife. especially if you look like Tareq. I hope he divorces her and leaves her with NOTHING.

    • Cock Dr

      Libido has NOTHING to do with this one.
      Michaela left her husband because he’s broke. His winery and it’s assets are scheduled to be sold at auctioon very soon. She drained him & then jumped ship for someone who probably gets decent music rights royalties.
      New boyfriend is also a guitarist, which means lots of hot licks.

    • polk

      Um,

      It come with the trophy wife territory. She puts up with your old, grey haired balls for as long as she can stand it (and you pay for it). At some point, she’ll realize the trade-off really wasn’t worth it, and she go for a man her age. If the man was smart enough to work the pre-nup, the split up should not be a problem. The man can write his check and line up the next bimbo trophy wife.

      If the man was not smart enough to work a pre-nup, he’s also a bimbo, and they both deserve whatever hell the divorce lawyers drag them through.

      Moral of the story: Trophy wife are a business arrangement. Negotiate the terms of the dissolution up front, and no one will be bitter. Fail to negotiate the terms, and you’ll end up like any bad businessman – left to the mercy of lawyers.

  3. Michaele Salahi Not Kidnapped Neal Schon Journey
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    In this pic, she looks like she has some mean coffee, liver, lung or ass breath.

  4. so the con man calls the cops to cry wolf and the cops tell him go fuck himself. show coming out this month?

  5. Michaele Salahi Not Kidnapped Neal Schon Journey
    Jerube
    Commented on this photo:

    That dress is made of the strongest substance in the world! It can even keep Michaele Salahi’s legs closed!

  6. Dude of Dudes

    “Just a small town skank….Looking for some more old dudes to bang….”

  7. sc4play

    So much for ‘Faithfully’………..

  8. Crabby Old Guy

    How many times did Neal get her to sing out “Don’t stop”? Well, if she does get a divorce – and has a thing for old musicians, I think Mr. McCartney is available (she seems his type).

  9. Venom

    She is pretty decent looking, you would think she could do better than a 2011 Journey band member.
    And for the record, Steve Perry is the only one that ever mattered in that band.

    • NTT

      “Oh Sherry” She would have been Sherry Perry. LOL

      Steve Perry is a dork.

    • she’s ok for her age that’s about it. unless ur heff’s age how exactly is a 44 year old who’s starting to sport a gut, and doesn’t fill that dress out very well, supposed to be a trophy. a trophy should be under 30 (preferably eternally 21)–in my everso humble opinion

    • Plurp

      Sure. Doesn’t matter that Neal Schon started the band long before Perry joined and remains the main musical talent of the band (not that the rest are terrible, but Neal is an amazing guitarist). Journey as a band is past their prime, but Neal is one of the best guitarists in the world.

      • John McCain

        I would like to say that the synthesizer player is a very good looking man. And he’s a very nice down to earth gentleman.

  10. Jasper McFriends

    Dude I love what you’re doing with these song inclusions

  11. JC

    The fact that these people are “famous” fascinates me, in a sort of mathematical way. It’s like the mysterious fame gods said, “O.K., we made a chick famous for shitting out 8 kids, and a bunch of bitchy househags in various cities are also now famous, what’s next? We have a choice between a hobo shitting on the sidewalk outside of a Walgreens, or these two knuckleheads. [tosses coin] Eh….them first, then the hobo.”

    • Schmidtler

      can you post the link for hobo shitting on the sidewalk outside walgreen’s? that could be the next ‘bumfights’!

  12. Cock Dr

    Most of the “society” people in DC think this is all just another huge Salahi publicity scam. It is pretty fucking hilarious. Everyone here hates these grifters…they have scammed & shafted a whole bunch of people and are involved in multiple lawsuits.
    Time will tell.

  13. NTT

    LMAO! These two are the geriatric Spencer and Heidi.

  14. Antidote

    Hey venom, you’re flat wrong. Neil schon IS journey. He started the band, wrote the songs, and is the signature journey guitar sound…

    • Fletch

      Let’s see..Shon was an original member of the band but wasn’t instrumental in getting them started. Shon did not write all of the songs; Greg Rolie and others did also. The band didn’t take off until they hired Steve Perry in ’77. BOTH are Journey along with Valory, Rolie and Smith.

      • TheDevilYouKnow

        Are you guys actually arguing over who “makes” Journey? You’re both aware that it’s not 1984, right?

      • TomFrank

        Exactly! Let’s stick with something more relevant, like whether Van Halen was better with David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar, and why no one points to the name of the band itself and suggests that maybe the Van Halen brothers deserve some props.

    • Weirdo

      I agree! Some of Journeys best work was before Steve Perry joined them. Much harder rock sound-not the bubble gum bullshit that Perry brought with him.

  15. Michaele Salahi Not Kidnapped Neal Schon Journey
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I would have chosen “Wheel in the Sky” for the Journey song attachment, but that’s just a personal preference.
    Really, everyone in the DC area just HATES the Salahis.
    If either of them ever approach you about participating in a charity event run run run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

  16. rough tools and techniques, basic and advanced

    If true, poor bastard. Hopefully for him, NS treats her like a groupie on the BangBus. But it wont work if she thinks they’re are loving memories with a friend.

  17. Savalas

    Wonder who’s crying now.

    Actually, I don’t really care.

  18. NTT

    She’s a trophy wife? What contest in hell did Tareq win?

  19. Khloe

    Tareq is better looking than she is. Her eyes are too close together. She looks like a run of the mill bottle blond. Meh

    • amen, and she has no tits or ass. fuck her

      • Khloe

        And now she’s a groupie skank for a has been rock band. I guess she was too old for Bret Michael’s Rock Of Love tour bus.

    • Phil Asheeo

      She’s too old to be groupie #1 and first to be fucked by Neal. He’s probably grudge – fucking her for Obama , then passing her off to the equipment crew for gang – bang activities while fucks the young , tight , busty girls with serious Daddy issues

  20. doctor joystick

    She attended Journey’s concert the other night where they did a double bill with…wait for it…Foreigner.

  21. Carlos Cornhole

    “Truth , You can’t handle the truth ” These two are like a bullshit factory with the controls wide open. I can’t tell if the train is gonna jump the tracks or if there’s just a little more steel left on the rails

  22. Angus

    Hahahahaha! Bad enough he is going to be broke and his wife sucking dick and giving it up like a groupie.

    But this idiot had to go and call the cops and let them know how sad a sack he is as well.

  23. SarahK

    Serious question for the guys. My bf insists on anal sex. He says it makes me the perfect the girlfriend bc I comply. But after reading here it sounds like anal sex is for the girls you don’t care about and respect.

    • Cock Dr

      Serious question: do you enjoy this type of sex at all or are you just “complying” to appease bf?

      • Bret Michaels

        Here’s the thing… Don’t let my glued on headband fool you. I am actually very smart. Anal is for when the vag isn’t tight enough to cut it. IME (VAST) if the vag to penis fit is good, anal is not necessary.

        But yeah, I am more apt to do anal on a skank,bitch, or ho vs. someone i care about.

        Try anal but you’re probably not missing much.

    • rican

      No way SarahK, quite the opposite. The deeper in the ass, the deeper the respect he’ll have for you. Also, from the ass to your mouth is THE MOST EFFICIENT WAY of showing your love (and swallowing too).

    • Neal Schon

      It’s for the girls with low self esteem, daddy issues, fame whores, self proclaimed trophy wives, and the girls who strive to be the perfect dominated girlfriend.

    • Kip Winger

      If I was your boyfriend , I would insist on anal , just so I could go down to the pool hall and brag about it to my friends

    • Anon

      @SarahK

      Anal sex isn’t going to earn you any respect. What you do in the kitchen will. And, don’t forget to STFU during gameday.

  24. David Manning

    lol @ phony dude getting taken by the phony wife.
    hey Tareq Salahi just DONT STOP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Carl Spackler

    Just lost all respect for Neal Schon. Why would he lower himself to this waste of oxygen?

    • Cock Dr

      She probably does give decent head….and anal.

      • Bret Michaels

        Here’s the thing… Don’t let the glued on headband fool you, I am actually quite smart. You have to be realistic about what the market will bear. Have you seen Neal? Let’s be real here he’s no Kip Winger. See where I’m going?

      • Cock Dr

        I don’t think Micheale gives a damn about what they look like. Bank balance & assets are the only things that matter to her. She would fuck a corpse if it could get her a reality TV show and to St Barts twice a year.
        Kip Winger refererence did make me lol.

      • Kip Winger

        How about the dirty Sanchez , Eh?

      • Perry King

        I do not like the chocolate cave . After I’m done , I have to take a shower . If I stick with the vajayjay, she can go get me a cold beer and a pastrami sandwich

      • Cock Dr

        Mr King – if your partner is able to immediately get up after sex to fetch you that beer & sandwich you might not be doing it right.

    • Kip Winger

      I’m doing appearances at the Mall of America , and I will give a good anal reaming to any of my fans , male or female

    • Neal Schon

      The band , crew , and I shot so much jizz in her she’s wearing a Depends until it all drips out

      • Phil Asheeo

        She would be such a pain in the ass to put up with . I’d fuck her and leave her at a Denny’s without paying for breakfast.

    • IWONKY

      It’ll take years and years for Neal to wash off the rancid smell his “journey” into that nasty old cooch that’s had 8 years of crusty old Tareq Salahi liar jizz …oh HURL!!! Neal, you just destroyed the credibility of Journey too. Stop following your dick, you moron.

  26. forrest gump

    Fat, Rich & Ugly men think they can buy women.
    *SSHOLE, only blacks can!!

  27. Not that I keep track of this type of thing, but…isn’t that the same Poppin’ Fresh dress that Jennifer Love Hewitt wears to prevent major air displacement?

  28. Michaele Salahi Not Kidnapped Neal Schon Journey
    sooooooosuperficial
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you shitting me, another one of these freakin’ dresses? That’s it, I’m buying Johnson & Johnson stock today.

  29. bing

    Who are those non-famous ugly random people ?

  30. Journey crew

    She likes us when we pack her fudge ! Multiple inputs all at the same time !
    We never knew that desperate , older sluts were so useful in the crew bus !

  31. Either this chick secretly married Meat Loaf, or that is the best damn lookalike since the Gordon Ramsey porn midget who was eaten by a badger.

  32. Does this mean Dennis DeYoung of Styx is still available?

  33. tlmck

    If true, she is doing it wrong. You want to move up the celebrity chain not laterally.

  34. Guess who just moved to the top of my dead pool D-list.

  35. Burt

    Some people never grow up.

  36. Manowl

    Is she wearing the Jennifer Love Exoskeleton (patent pending)?

  37. IWONKY

    Somebody needs to slap both those bitches.

  38. Michaele Salahi Not Kidnapped Neal Schon Journey
    IWONKY
    Commented on this photo:

    Her most recent attempt at joining Whorebags Anonymous is going quite well.

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