Michael Lohan kicked his ex in the vagina. Of course.

December 29th, 2009 // 35 Comments

Michael Lohan’s ex-girlfriend Erin Muller filed a detailed list of abuse in court papers yesterday which are a response to Michael Lohan’s harassment allegations against her. And it looks like she’s going with the classic defense of “Are you fucking kidding me? This cock kicked me in the no-no spot.” TMZ reports:

Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.
Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook.
March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.
May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”
May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”
June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ‘stop crying c*nt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!’”

Not to condone his actions, but wouldn’t Erin Muller honestly prefer to be kicked in the vagina by Michael Lohan instead of him, I dunno, sticking his penis in it? I’m not trying to be insensitive or anything. Just attempting to wrap my head around the situation, that’s all.

superficial

  1. Now he embodies the term “shanty Irish”.

  2. Steve

    This poor guy can’t catch a break. Everyone he tries to befriend and help turns around and stabs him in the back. Hope in 2010 he finds real friends.

  3. gotmilk?

    so this went on for that long and she stayed with him? riiiight

  4. jiz

    He’s a great American hero.

  5. zuzuspetals

    I’m a little skeptical. How does a vagina kick a vagina?

  6. Mal Carne

    I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but I would’ve split on Dec. 10, 2007, and avoided everything that happened the next 7 months. But that’s just me.

  7. Jazzy

    I would have paid money to be able to view the “is this watch fake” – “Why you little bitch, how dare you question a man of my sterling reputation” exchange.

    Talk about priceless

  8. grobpilot

    What the fuck is this Muslim shit over on the right side of the screen? If I wanted to see that shit, I would look in the fucking toilet. Towelhead cocksuckers. Oh yeah, Lohan’s a fucking turd.

  9. olga

    another psychopath

  10. TheConsumers

    Cunt Punt!

  11. Fat Foot

    To all the ladies out there. How long does the pain from “getting kicked in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain” last?

  12. Anon

    #12 kick Michael Lohan in the face and then time how long it takes for him to stop crying and you’ll have the answer.

    BTW, the real answer is a long time,

  13. Rough night long

    Thats unheard of, who kicks a pussy…This dude never cease to amaze with his scum-baggery…

  14. Toaster Strudel

    I don’t believe it….no way he could kick her in her diseased cesspool of a cunt and not lose an entire leg.

  15. tc

    Why have you posted a picture of Kevin Spacey ?

  16. Turd Ferguson

    What an excellent role model! What a douche guzzler.

    @9: please don’t insult turds.

  17. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    This dumb ass bitch stuck around with him after the first 12/2007 incident? She deserved everything she got after it, what a foolish woman. That’s what Judge Judy would say.

    Now she has a sore vagina, poor thing..you should of left him after the first punch ya dope!

  18. Jake

    So if she gets whipped in the vag with a cord does that now make her “pussy whipped”? No wonder Lindsay is wacked, who know what was done to her when she was still living with her dad.

  19. Hugh Jorgaan

    And,,,,,, she didn’t leave after the first time?

    I’m fine with him kicking her in the vagina. If a woman kicks a man in the junk it’s funny. If a man returns the favor it’s domestic violence. Equality of the sexes?

    • sketch babi

      you make me laugh, but it is so true………

      man screams and pukes from foot up in his man goods, its laughs and jokes all day……………..

      man sends one up her woman goods, its police, arresting him, social services coming for the kids, and labelled as a domestic abuser………..

      well done women youve set yourselves up good eh?

      • Julia

        I think it’s only in YOUR world that a woman abuses a man and gets away with it, as it sure isn’t the case in my world – or the world of anyone else I know. You sound like a abuser yourself – anyone who is truly against abuse would not think it is right for ANYONE to do – regardless of sex.

  20. AMO

    Wow, that’s so Christian of him…!

  21. That man is a piece of work. Everything that goes around, comes around and I’m quite certain that there are more than a few kickboxing gals who will not hesitate to teach Mr. Lohan a lesson. One bit of advice, Michael–wear your soon-to-be issued colostomy bag on the hip, double bagged, and always thank the young ladies when they’re through beating you like a cheap punk. What a disgrace of a human being.

    I have always thought Miss Lohan was lovely, and if you want a glimpse of how they used to present her, take a gander here…

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  25. GG1000

    #7, no $hit. Dude’s a dickhead, no doubt, but honestly – does it not occur to the dumb bitch at some point during this that she might be better off elsewhere; like somewhere he is NOT, for example!

  26. Cunty McCuntster

    Let me get this straight. A cunt gets kicked in the cunt by a cunt? Did I get that right ?

  27. Hi Guy’s,
    I don’t believe it.no way he could kick her in her diseased cesspool of a cunt and not lose an entire leg.

  28. what?

    i thought every man kicked his wife in the cunt when she got out of line

  29. bmose

    “She don’t listen.” I guess being a fame whore has it’s price.

  30. me again

    so… he hates vaginas?

  31. i think he does that because have a fetish…i think that’s not real a pain….and still a hard fetish:P

  32. So a cunt kicked a cunt in the cunt? How did that not tear a hole in the space-time continuum and transport them both to an alternate dimension?

    On a serious note, you ladies need to know how to deal with a man that puts his hands on you.After the beating is done, you plan for him. Get some drugs to knock him out, rope and a ball gag. The next night you prepare a nice meal for him, put the drugs in his drink.

    Now when he wakes up the next morning, he’ll find himself tied to the bed in doggy style position and gagged so he can’t scream. That’s when you walk into the room and go to town on him. 70 kicks to the balls, some kicks to the head and ribs. Then you get out your biggest strap on dildo and fuck him right up the ass, no lube. He’ll know never to fuck with you again.

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