Michael Lohan kicked his ex in the vagina. Of course.

Michael Lohan’s ex-girlfriend Erin Muller filed a detailed list of abuse in court papers yesterday which are a response to Michael Lohan’s harassment allegations against her. And it looks like she’s going with the classic defense of “Are you fucking kidding me? This cock kicked me in the no-no spot.” TMZ reports:

Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.
Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook.
March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.
May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”
May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”
June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ‘stop crying c*nt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!'”

Not to condone his actions, but wouldn’t Erin Muller honestly prefer to be kicked in the vagina by Michael Lohan instead of him, I dunno, sticking his penis in it? I’m not trying to be insensitive or anything. Just attempting to wrap my head around the situation, that’s all.