Michael Lohan & Kate Major Finally Made The Baby They Can Milk For Press They’ve Always Wanted

July 16th, 2012 // 40 Comments
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Michael Lohan and Kate Major have an on/off relationship that’s so volatile, the latest restraining order barring them from being near each other literally just expired the other week. So of course she’s pregnant now just like all those times she pretended to be to piss him off because he’d constantly ejaculate inside her just to piss her off. There’s a whole lot of love here, is what I’m trying to say. TMZ reports:

According to our sources, Kate is in her first trimester. But get this … the restraining order she had against MiLo was lifted only a few weeks ago … so the act of conception was illegal.
Our sources say Michael has not told Lindsay or any of his other children the happy news yet. So Lindsay, we’re pleased to inform you you’re gonna have a brother or sister to whom you can teach the ropes.

I like how everyone is concerned with how Lindsay is going to react when there’s a very simple question that tells you everything you need to know: Is the baby a person other than Lindsay Lohan? She doesn’t give a shit.

Photos: Splash News, WENN


  1. suck it

    They are already milking it for press. Usually people wait until just starting the second trimester to announce it.

    I don’t want to wish a miscarriage on her, but that baby will be screwed from the get go.

  2. Taylor

    I know some of the readers have a problem with abortion so can we please just kill the parents?

  3. Why wasn’t Lohan castrated? He doesn’t need to be putting any more spawn out there.

  4. Michael Lohan Kate Major
    USDA Prime McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like Melissa Joan Hart was even less hot.

  5. Smapdi

    Been around the world and found
    That only stupid people are breeding
    The cretins cloning and feeding
    And I don’t even own a tv

  6. I’m confused now. Is this the one he kicked in the cunt?

  7. EricLr

    I predict this kid will be a well-adjusted, valuable member of society–perhaps a brilliant researcher or ground-breaking scientist.

  8. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    For those keeping score, this is listed in the schedule for the Apocalypse, right after Snooki’s kid.

  9. Jack Ketch

    I’d hate to wish this on anyone, but it’d be merciful if she lost the pregnancy. Seriously. It frightens me when trash of this magnitude breeds.

  10. cc

    I guess it really is time for that cataclysmic comet to hit the earth.

  11. Jimbo

    I am surprised. I figured it would be Milo that pregnant. He is such a pussy. I am sure Kate has a be strap-on she rams up Milo mangina..

  12. Lord Invader

    Check the ultrasound. Bet there’s just a New Balance jammed up there.

  13. logan

    Why did the image of Michael Lohan at the craps table saying “Come on baby, daddy needs a new pair of shoes” go through my head when I saw this headline? Sorry Lindsay daddy doesn’t need you any more. He has a new cash cow on the way. Please for all that is holy, don’t let some network make a reality show out of this mess.

  14. life

    this is horrible news

  15. JC

    Looking at their two faces, I can only conclude that the kid has a 99.9% chance of having a head that looks like a sack of mashed potatoes.

  16. El Jefe

    That poor child. I am sure if it were possible for a fetus to commit suicide, this one would.

  17. Schmidtler

    What is it about Michael Lohan’s face that gives me an almost irresistable urge to punch it?

    • Because he looks like that guy that drives around in a convertible bobbing his head to music that is way too young for him while he weaves through traffic cutting people off and then getting pissed when they do the same or honk at him.

      Yeah…he’s that guy.

    • Frank Burns

      Its called “PFS” or Punchable Face Syndrome. Michael Lohan has it, as do Ashton Kutcher and Shia LaBeouf. One can only hope that the medical and legal communities come together in understanding this syndrome in a way that would allow us to bill said men for reflexively punching holes in our computer screens.

  18. Michael Lohan Kate Major
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if she’d be laughing if she knew CBF stands for Cunt Booting, FOREVER.

  19. That was a lob

    She got Ms. Cotroneo lip

  20. Michael Lohan Kate Major
    Commented on this photo:

    Who was it that told the gays a dick and an asshole can’t make a baby?

  21. Nice to see the R-list celebs having children for all the right reasons.

  22. Ghostofadeadfetus

    Listen all is not lost, there is no way he can help beating the crap out of her causing a miscarriage, there is no humor in this fact but it’s going to happen. Milo’s a vagina kicking, balcony leaping, hair pulling, stomach punching monster. What’s amazing is any of his progeny survived the womb. Either that or it will be a fetal alcohol baby and People Magazine isn’t going to pay either way.

  23. Michael Lohan Kate Major
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hmm, that reminds me. I should probably buy my own pair of boxing gloves.”

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