Michael Jackson Wanted To Play Jar Jar Binks. No, Really.

“Jar Jar, you gave younglings wine and pornographic films?”
“Meesa father wassa very abusive! Meesa no being having childhood.”

I just stared down a fuckhole of crazy this week, so I’m going to take a pass on writing about Bill Cosby getting quaaludes from his gynecologist (Yup.) and the Lafayette shooting, and instead go with more random Internet fare rife with pedophile jokes. Bring the kids! From Ahmed Best’s Vice interview:

In a Reddit interview, you mentioned that Michael Jackson originally wanted to play the role of Jar Jar Binks. Was that a joke?
That’s what George told me. Me, Natalie Portman, and George’s kids—we were at Wembley arena at Michael Jackson’s concert. We were taken backstage and we met Michael. There was Michael and Lisa Marie [Presley]. George introduced me as “Jar Jar” and I was like, That’s kind of weird. Michael was like, “Oh. OK.” I thought, What is going on? After Michael had driven off, we all go back up to a big afterparty. I’m having a drink with George and I said, “Why did you introduce me as Jar Jar?” He said, “Well, Michael wanted to do the part but he wanted to do it in prosthetics and makeup like ‘Thriller.'” George wanted to do it in CGI. My guess is ultimately Michael Jackson would have been bigger than the movie, and I don’t think he wanted that.

“Tell me, young Master Skywalker. What brings you to the Dark Side?”
“The Jedis let a racist lizard thing touch my dick when I was eight.”
“Oh. Oh JESUS.”

True story. I actually would’ve bought that more than Sandpeople killing his mom or whatever the fuck that was. God, I hate those movies.

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Photo: Lucasfilm