Michael Douglas Would Like To Take Back That Cunnilingus Stuff Now

June 4th, 2013 // 28 Comments
'Twas Not My Snizz
Diandra Douglas Michael Ex-Wife
Said The Ex-Wife To The Tabloid Read More »

Yesterday, Michael Douglas set the Internet a flutter by telling The Guardian he got throat cancer from cunnilingus. A statement that was shockingly medically possible – *chugs third bottle of Listerine* – but also insinuated that the bipolar woman who lets him have sex with her has an infected vagina. An insinuation made even stronger when his ex-wife Diandra Douglas made sure to let TMZ know you could serve royalty off her lady business. So you’ll probably be surprised to learn that Michael Douglas is now walking back that statement. People reports:

“Michael Douglas did not say cunnilingus was the cause of his cancer,” his rep says in a statement. “It was discussed that oral sex is a suspected cause of certain oral cancers as doctors in the article point out, but he did not say it was the specific cause of his personal cancer.”

Except The Guardian has since posted the audio where Michael Douglas specifically says cunnilingus is the cause of his throat cancer. Fortunately, he’s got an tongue ace in the hole, and it’s, “Oh, god, my Alzheimer’s!”

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. Michael Douglas Catherine Zeta-Jones Cunnilingus Throat Cancer
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “psst…sweetie…you feel that tickle in the back of your throat? That’s not a pubic hair.”

  2. FattyFatty2X4

    Just a slip of the tongue

  3. Cock Dr

    Poor guy is probably sleeping in the guest bedroom right now.
    He’s been with a lot of women. He picked up a virus…which caused a cancer. It would be great fun to assign blame right now but given the numbers and years involved I don’t think that’s possible.
    FYI parents there’s a vaccine out that will protect your kids (of either gender) from this cancer.

  4. rican

    Just as she was getting cured from another bout with depression…

  5. Michael Douglas Catherine Zeta-Jones Cunnilingus Throat Cancer
    Monsignor Nelson
    Commented on this photo:

    “I never said I got cancer from performing cunnilingus on YOU !”

    • Dick Hell

      The good news is the source has been narrowed down to Kathleen Turner. The bad news is he went down on her again yesterday.

  6. Michael Douglas Catherine Zeta-Jones Cunnilingus Throat Cancer
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Psst…my nipples are dripping with cholera. Ha!”

  7. “Michael, you better straighten this out or the only time you’ll see what this woman is working with will be in old movies.”

  8. Michael Douglas Catherine Zeta-Jones Cunnilingus Throat Cancer
    guttboy
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t care, I’d risk it……

  9. VirusAlert

    Colonel Angus is an aquired taste.

  10. Just to be sure, are hot carls still safe?

  11. melvin.anderson@ns.sympatico.ca

    When I heard this, I felt so embarrassed for his wife

  12. ME

    That’s what happens when old people get drunk. They talk to much and put their personal business on front street!

  13. what's that you're saying?

    “Michael Douglas did not say cunnilingus was the cause of his cancer”

    That’s because he probably got it sucking on some peen.

  14. Michael Douglas Catherine Zeta-Jones Cunnilingus Throat Cancer
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “If you don’t set the record straight about my flesh-wallet, I’m going to put you in an old folks home and bang the entire cast of ‘Vampire Diaries.’”

  15. Jenn

    I wouldn’t sleep with the crazy bitch around, now. She can kill him and get away with it. She’s got papers.

  16. Come on guys – it was never cunnilingus.
    It was cocksucking.

  17. Gulp

    Looks like someone swallowed when they forgot to spit.

  18. Hello Kitty

    Yeah, Michael…..mess it up for all of us girls out here who meet with Colonel Angus (love that SNL skit!) on a regular…..guys, don’t be afraid….we need you to keep dinin’ at the Y……and wasn’t Mr. Douglas a smoker as well? Why blame it on the vajayjay?

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