Mel Gibson Didn’t Try To Kill You, That’s Just How He Eats Pastries

September 21st, 2011 // 34 Comments

“You’ll blow me! Or give me cinnamon twists.”

A man suing Mel Gibson for allegedly tricking him to invest $20,000 in a recyclable rubber company is now claiming Mel tried to kill him outside of a Costa Rican bakery after the two ran into each other. TMZ reports:

Sharif says Mel got violent, calling him “vile and offensive names” and threatening him with physical harm if he didn’t skip town.
Sharif alleges Mel stormed out of the bakery and got into his car. Sharif says he left the premises moments later, and Mel “accelerated the car to a high rate of speed” and drove the car directly at him while multitasking by giving him the finger! Sharif says he jumped out of the way… narrowly escaping his fate as Costa Rican roadkill.
But a witness tells TMZ it’s all hogwash. He says Mel was trying to enjoy a “sweet pastry” and a cup of coffee, when Sharif walked in the bakery and tried to confront him.

Wait. So this guy came between Mel Gibson and a bearclaw and now he expects punitive damages because it almost resulted in his death? Jesus, this is exactly what people are talking about when they bring up tort reform. That’s like suing a lion for eating you after wearing a steak tuxedo in its mouth. What the hell did you think was going to happen? Everyone knows the proper way to approach Mel Gibson is in a suit of armor with two women ready to dispense with the mouth sex. (One’s a spare in case the other’s deemed too Jewy.)

Photo: Splash News

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  1. Whatever. Another one hopping on the “Try to milk the violent emotionally unstable celeb of the moment” bandwagon.

    This Sharif guy should be forced to wear a dress and a wig and look at Chris Brown’s phone.

  2. I thought Catholics didn’t believe in rubbers?

  3. Mel Gibson
    Commented on this photo:

    If ever a set of eyes said “Fuck you, I’ll eat your liver” those are them.

  4. TomFrank

    Ha! “Tort” reform. (Because it was at a bakery.)

  5. Were “sugar tits” on the menu?

  6. Cock Dr

    The proper way to approach Mad Mel is with a cross & a bible.
    The cross display will hopefully calm him down & replace thoughts of fellatio with thoughts of Jesus.
    The bible is for if the cross doesn’t work. Suggest to Mel that he show you his favorite bible passages. Try to keep some distance between the two of you. Do not allow him to get a grasp on you even if he appears friendly.
    If the Good Book won’t settle him down then bop him upside the head with it and run. Run fast.

  7. forrest gump

    why did he choose america to share his pathic ideas with?
    …………AUSTRALIA WOKE UP LONG TIME AGO!!

  8. Celebrities aren’t investment advisers. Who knew?

  9. So basically this guy watched the movie Tequila Sunrise and confused it with real life?

  10. sc4play

    Recyclable rubbers??? Yewwwwwwww!

  11. “Ah cain’t unnerstand why all them Jew-boys think Ah’m a redneck.”

  12. Doc Schweinstrudel

    He has funny set of teeth! With all the money in the world

  13. seagalisgod

    Geez, slow down on the cigarettes, man. You’re 55, but have the wrinkles and teeth of an 80 year old.

  14. Or you – what? Don’t leave us fucking hanging, man! Is it “realize you’re fucked because the delivery will never appear and you’re not only fucked, but fucking stupid for buying off a spam ad on the net”? Is that what you’re trying to say? TELL ME NOW, DON’T TIPTOE AROUND IT!!!

    • Cock Dr

      See, this is yet another reason you should never reply to the asshat spammers on this site.

      • Yeah, I thought of what happened to Georgio yesterday right after I posted – the difference is, his comment was almost in context and was therefore really fucking funny, whereas mine, um, is not.

        So I’m gonna blame it on the mushrooms I had a bout a half hour ago and call it a day.

  15. Lola

    Holy crap, hard to believe Mel was once one the most handsome actors in Hollywood.

  16. Aussie Mama

    What a crock of shit….

  17. Mel Gibson
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “Looks at Lars von Trier over there, stealing all my Nazi thunder. So smug…”

  18. JN

    How much is this dinosaur paying you for all the attention?

  19. Mel Gibson
    Pokemon Mon
    Commented on this photo:

    he is totally wearing foundation

  20. Mel Gibson
    lifeintheslowlane
    Commented on this photo:

    this wouldn’t be the Indian Vinod Sekar would it who had been scamming ppl along with Prince Imran, (just bring out the mini royals in a land of many royals), for decades with that rubber re-cycling plant that he got Bruce Willis involved with and then paid the clean as a whistle ex president Clinton one of those 200K speaking tour fees to come and celebrate his birthday and tell everyone what a great guy he is … have you done any research on the number of ppl left penniless? … try

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