Mel Gibson Didn’t Try To Kill You, That’s Just How He Eats Pastries

The Superficial / September 21, 2011

“You’ll blow me! Or give me cinnamon twists.”

A man suing Mel Gibson for allegedly tricking him to invest $20,000 in a recyclable rubber company is now claiming Mel tried to kill him outside of a Costa Rican bakery after the two ran into each other. TMZ reports:

Sharif says Mel got violent, calling him “vile and offensive names” and threatening him with physical harm if he didn’t skip town.
Sharif alleges Mel stormed out of the bakery and got into his car. Sharif says he left the premises moments later, and Mel “accelerated the car to a high rate of speed” and drove the car directly at him while multitasking by giving him the finger! Sharif says he jumped out of the way… narrowly escaping his fate as Costa Rican roadkill.
But a witness tells TMZ it’s all hogwash. He says Mel was trying to enjoy a “sweet pastry” and a cup of coffee, when Sharif walked in the bakery and tried to confront him.

Wait. So this guy came between Mel Gibson and a bearclaw and now he expects punitive damages because it almost resulted in his death? Jesus, this is exactly what people are talking about when they bring up tort reform. That’s like suing a lion for eating you after wearing a steak tuxedo in its mouth. What the hell did you think was going to happen? Everyone knows the proper way to approach Mel Gibson is in a suit of armor with two women ready to dispense with the mouth sex. (One’s a spare in case the other’s deemed too Jewy.)

Photo: Splash News