Megyn Kelly’s Butt Is Making Me Think Bad Thoughts
Wait a minute. Raylan? What’ve you gotten yourself into?
In all of my years running The Superficial, I don’t think I’ve ever once seen paparazzi photos of Megyn Kelly just walking around. Which was probably for the best, because here she is wearing tight jeans in Beverly Hills yesterday, and I suddenly get the appeal of Fox News now. I’ve only been staring at these pics for an hour and already I’m starting to think the worst thoughts. Just awful stuff. I’m talking things like:
Why do poor people have cell phones?
Being a white Christian, it’s tough out there.
When are the police going to catch a darn break?
Rap music, that’s where it all went wrong.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to convert all my funds into gold even though Donald Trump will restore our country to greatness, so I don’t know what I’m worried about. — Use the bars as weapons in case there are still Mexicans around? Great idea, Megyn Kelly’s butt! Let’s buy you some sunglasses.
P.S. I added one more because you know who we really need to protect? The job creators. Hear me out…