Megan Fox Should Be Wonder Woman

October 4th, 2010 // 100 Comments

David E. Kelley, creator of Ally McBeal, The Practice and Boston Legal, is reportedly creating a Wonder Woman show for The CW after attempts by Joss Whedon and others to get a movie made fizzled out because we’re talking about a chesty beast who demands a full hour each week to run around in slow-motion. And maybe fight crime. (I honestly still don’t know what the character does.) Provided David doesn’t deviate from that sacrosanct Lynda Carter formula and instead churns out another lame teen drama to replace Smallville, there’s no way in hell anyone but Megan Fox should play this role. Here’s why:

The 2009 Wonder Woman Animated Movie

I know most of you think I’m too busy jet-skiing with models to watch cartoons – which I am – but after losing a MMA fight to a panther, I happened to accidentally watch this thing thinking it was Heavy Metal, a film made by and for men who believe breasts are intergalactic beings capable of enslaving men with their space-magic. But science aside, if you get a chance to watch Wonder Woman, you’ll spend the entire time thinking, “Wow, they drew her to look like exactly Megan Fox,” as you quickly realize the shit works. And how. I couldn’t care less about Wonder Woman, and I actually sat there enjoying this thing until I was fanned to sleep by Nubian princesses. Also, nothing would bring me more pleasure than seeing Megan Fox reduced to the inescapable career jail known as The CW. Anyone see Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li starring Kristin Kreuk? Ha! Of course not because I’m pretty sure I just made that up.

In the meantime, E! News compiled a list of contenders to run around in star-spangled underwear – Please for the love of God, don’t go with the new Jim Lee outfit. – so allow me to shoot some of them down because just by writing words on the Internet, they become unquestionable facts:

Evangeline Lilly: Evangeline is actually leading E!’s poll, but c’mon, let’s be realistic. She’s way too short to play an Amazon warrior with giant chesticles. Yes, I know, all the Kate episodes of Lost were the best, but if we start letting Wonder Woman have freckles, the next thing you know Superman has a speech impediment. I won’t have it!

Leighton Meester: Three words: Not. Blake. Lively.

Erica Durance: Considering she already plays Lois Lane on The CW’s Smallville, I can see this happen, but mammaries aside, Erica doesn’t really say Wonder Woman to me as much as future Playboy model if I close my eyes, wish really hard and use the power of the media to destroy her career and leave her with no options. (It’s for the best.)

Eliza Dushku: Age is not being kind to this one. There, I said it.

Ashley Greene: I’d actually allow this. She’s got a certain hotness to her and seems to spend a lot of time in the gym. Can’t act for shit, but then again, I’m touting Megan Fox who got fired from a part that only required her to run from pretend robots and wear a tank top.

Thanks for indulging me on this one. Every once in a while it’s nice to let the little nerd out and, no, I’m not talking about that time on the subway. That was expunged!

UPDATE: Several of you have floated the idea of Katy Perry in the comments which makes sense from a purely breastalogical standpoint, but I’m pretty sure Wonder Woman doesn’t intimidate her foes using Zooey Deschanel-esque glances. Although, again, my only understanding of the character is that she wears underwear as her regular clothes, so I could be wrong.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. suprgrl

    I LOVE YOU MEGAN FOX! I would totally dyke out with you.

  2. Jessesgirl

    Her face looks so frozen.

    • fester

      I love how the angle of the light makes it look like she has 5 o’clock shadow, either that or her Wolverine sideburns are coming in nicely.

  3. alphabet

    Megan Fox SHOULD NOT BE Wonder Woman.

    She’s too fucking tiny and slight. WONDER WOMAN IS AN AMAZON.

    Megan Fox can only play skinny bitches. Wonder Woman is an authority figure – when Fox attempts authority she sounds laughable.

    You tarnish your geek cred with this bullshit SuperficialWriter…

  4. Hugh Gentry

    It should be Katy Perry…or Jennifer Love Hewitt!!!!!!!!!

  5. Mandi

    I am a Fox fan to the extent that I have a girl crush on her so I feel obligated to watch everything she apprears in, and she certainly does LOOK the part of Diana, but with that said I can’t see her playing WW cause, I dunno, the imaginary comic book character has more soul that Megan.
    Sorry, Megan, I would still totally make out with you, though.

    • suprgrl

      I like you.

    • me

      total agreement, there should be no posts after this except anything in agreement. Girl looks the part, but doesn’t carry the oomph. We are in Wonder Woman phase right now at our house and Linda Carter is a freaking knock out and packs the right attitude for the character. I kind of feel sorry for whoever has to fill her shoes. Some plastic girl in LA, I guess. : (

      • Batgirl

        Why does it have to be someone famous? WW doesn’t need to act really, she isn’t familiar with our culture growing up on her island, so a no-name hot model that looks exotic would work just fine. Just cast good supporting actors.

  6. herbiefrog

    someone said miracle laurie would be perfect for wonder girl : ))

    we’d like to see that )

  7. Lucion

    It has been said several times elsewhere. It should be Eliza Dushku.

    • Bunny

      Nope. Eliza Dushku is cute but the eyes have to be light blue and the hair black. That’s what I think anyways. I vote Megan.

  8. LD

    The can’t use her. The operate on a strict budget and time schedule. They could not afford all the extra money and time covering up her tattoos.

  9. Rough'stongue-in-cheeks

    *Observing second unjustified e-assault against CW sweetie Kristin Kreuk and keeping mum. For now!*

    • Batgirl

      she may be sweet and cute but damn, she is a horrible actress!!! (I’ve seen every Smallville episode AND that stupid street fighter movie.)

  10. fishbone

    Rachel Bilson!

  11. Megan Fox as Wonder Woman? Nah … She’s hotter than hell but I agree, she doesn’t come across as an Amazon Type woman. The thing is, you can’t get A listers to take the role now that it is going to be on Cable TV, and not even GOOD cable TV. Might have to scour the C and D listers. Jennifer Love Hewitt? hahahaha. She has the tits but doesn’t have the height or the look. She has that Ghost Whisperer thing going on now too.

    In a perfect world, dye Kate Beckinsales hair black and give her the role. Not going to happen but man what a Wonder that woman is.

  12. notnow

    Um…Wonder Women was an amazonian princess. How in the world could twiggy play her? If you placed Megan Fox next to Linda Carter Megan would look like her runty little sister.

    • angela

      lol Megan Fox and Lynda Carter are the same size, you make it sound like Carter was a brickhouse.

    • Far from a brickhouse, but when compared to Megan, Lynda most definitely does look more amazonish. She looks stronger and healthier for sure. Not to mention she’s got nearly 4 inches in height over Megan. Look it up, it’s true.

  13. BTW Dushku has had HOW many chances to have a TV show? She tried to do a spin off of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to no avail, then a few other series that had her as the lead Female, all failed. She isn’t likeable, or overly hateable. She just … is.

  14. notnow

    ^^ I agree with Dante mostly. Except you would need a total unknown. Someone you couldn’t associate with anything else. Much like Linda Carter was an unknown before she was cast.

  15. Carter Hall

    It should be Bridget Regan!

  16. Erica Durance
    Dundledragie
    Commented on this photo:

    Eliza!

  17. Evangeline Lilly
    Boo
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow! Great girl.

  18. Hugh Gentry

    how about Lucy Lawless!!!!!! She is perfect for it!!

  19. Erica Durance
    Cardinal Fang sometimes Soviet Snow
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice tits!

  20. LD

    They could make it a comedy and cast snooki. Then all her nemesis should consist of tmz headliners. I would so watch this.

    Man I’m stoned.

  21. Lucy Lawless 15 years ago maybe. Besides, characters too similar. People would callher Wonder Zena.

    • angela

      Xena and Wonder Woman have nothing in common. If Xena is similar to any other female heroine its Red Sonja.

      • Xena and Wonder Woman are both Female Lead Super Hero type people. Maybe nothing in common that actually give a fuck, but for the rest of the planet, other than comic book and fantasy junkie losers like you, Lawless as Wonder Woman would be compared to Lawless as Xena.

        THAT is a natural comparison. It’s not going to happen either.

  22. Leighton Meester
    Iz
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck Leighton is GORGEOUS!!

  23. snookisucks12

    Yeah…..if only she could actually act

  24. snookisucks12

    I’d pick Ashley Greene or Evangeline Lily maybe……………Katy Perry if she could act but judging from her recent SNL appearance likely a NO

    • me

      I would love to see Katy Perry as WW. She’d be great.

      • Batgirl

        ewwwww. Am I the only one here who thinks Katy Perry is an overrated girl-next-door? and not even a really hot one. Definitely not exotic amazon in my opinion.

  25. snookisucks12

    Hey what about Blake Lively in a brunette wig?! huh? eh? no? anybody with me? lol

  26. timmy the dying boy

    Scarlett Johansson would be perfect, but I highly doubt she’d be interested.

    • Yes, excellent option.
      Certainly not this very pretty, plastic waif of wooden acting. Fashion shoots & music videos are the gigs for her. Playing an iconic cartoon character is way too much of a stretch.

    • She’s certainly beautiful, but far too short. Not to mention, that I don’t think she’d look very good as a brunette. The red hair in Iron Man was pushing it. She’s definitely best as a blond. This is, of course, just my own opinion.

      • Batgirl

        Just because someone is hot and has big boobs doesn’t mean they can be Wonder Woman! I can tell these are mostly guys posting comments.

  27. Rosie O’Donnell as Wonder Woman …

    pwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  28. Almost everyone mentioned is either too old, too fat in the ass, or too covered in tats.. But considering how linda carter looked every bit as soulless as megan fox ever has, why not the soulless barbie, heidi. At least she has the tits. Cant be any cheesier than the old show..

  29. ingress

    I’ll nerd in on this
    The actress needs to be tall
    part of the folklore of Wonder Woman is that she is an Amazon

    maybe Cara Michelle

    and Blake Lively is 5’10 she would do as well

  30. Dude

    There’s a simple answer to this one. Missy Peregrym. She’s not that well known, but she’s crazy hot, young enough, and actually has talent.

  31. Parker

    The only problem with Megan Fox being Wonder Woman would be that every time she hits someone with the lasso of truth they’ll say either “Turn around and bend over so I can buttfuck you, baby” or “I think you’re cheap and common, now grab your ankle so I can wedge my weiner into your tight ass.”

    By the way, I don’t know what the lasso of truth is. I just made that up. Is that what it’s really called? Ha, great minds think alike is all I’ve got to say.

  32. MrsEllis

    I’m watching all of Friday Night Lights right now, so I think that both Minka Kelly and Adrianne Palicki would be good. Minka Kelly has the gorgeous brunette thing going for her, and Adrianne Palicki is extremely tall and has a great set of tits.

  33. How about that chick that plays Cuddy on “House” . . . Lisa Edelstein. She could be Wonder Woman’s mom, who wanders around the house in a half open nightgown with her giant breasts swinging to and fro.

  34. fap

    Nahh make it Katy Perry for Wonderwoman, she doesn’t need to act, just do slow motion runs a la Baywatch.

    • Burt

      I could see that, although I don’t think she’d can be convincingly menacing. He performance would probably be very tongue in cheek.

  35. herbiefrog

    ok…

    so we’re agreed… miracle laurie

    ok go…

  36. Yoda Mann

    Charisma Carpenter

  37. anon

    megan has the looks albeit she be a flat chested wonder woman. but my dog can act its way out of a towel on its head better than this chick can.

  38. stucco

    Wonder Woman had a toe thumb?

  39. Masschine

    If the actress is not athletic looking and over 5’9 or 10″ nope. Megan Fox, as hot as she is doesn’t come close.

  40. Ash Bones

    Transformers: mannequins in disguise

  41. angela

    Megan Fox doesn’t want the role anyway, so it doesn’t matter what people think of such a casting suggestion. She said in an interview that the Wonder Woman character was lame.

  42. B.R.

    I’m not watching the show with megan fox in it,I can’t stand her anymore!

  43. The Man

    I bet her snatch isbreally tight.

  44. captain america

    “Wonder Woman” is also a cheater?

  45. Uhhh...

    Megan Fox’s plastic ass was offered this role and said she would never take it, she thinks WW is “lame.”

  46. NeNe

    Absolutely not! She would make a horrible Wonder Woman. Here are my two choices:

    Angelina Jolie
    Scarlett Johannsen

  47. John

    Already been done: http://wonder-who.com/

  48. Alyssa

    idiot girls. you do not need to flaunt how desperate you are for attention by exclaiming how you would make out with megan fox. you don’t read men talking about how they’d bone brad pitt. (unless they really would because they are actually gay, not attention seeking.) and brad pitt has always looked the way he looks. he didn’t need to spend tens of thousands of dollars altering his entire body only to become relatively famous. and guys, just like with every girl you think is so superbly sexy, you would get bored with her in ten minutes and then be head over heels with the next blake lively or eva mendes, so lets not pretend she’s the hottest woman to ever walk this earth.

  49. jay

    I THINK JESSICA BIELS IS THE BEST PERSON TO PLAY WONDER WOMAN. SHE’S HOT AND SHE WORKS OUT ALL THE TIME AND SHE GOT SOME NICE PERKY TITS. HER ASS IS AMAZING.

    • Batgirl

      yes she would be great… if she didn’t look so darned “american”. seriously, way to girl-next-door.

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