Mariah Carey pwns Elvis
Mariah Carey’s latest single “Touch My Body” just went #1 on the Billboard Singles Chart. This is the 18th single to hit the top spot for Mariah and puts her ahead of Elvis. She’s now only second to The Beatles. But still nowhere near as good as my favorite fictional band from Wayne’s World The Shitty Beatles. The AP reports:
Carey said being in such company was gratifying not only because of her personal success, but what it meant for women and minorities.
“For me, in my mind the accomplishment is just that much sweeter,” she said. “In terms of my ethnicity, always feeling like an outsider, always feeling different … for me it’s about saying, ‘Thank you Lord, for giving me the faith to believe in myself when other people had written me off.'”
By “other people had written her off,” does she mean cracking jokes about her opening KFC’s? Because, seriously, I didn’t mean it. Mariah, please don’t kill me with your piles of bigger-than-Elvis money. I owned your Unplugged album in the 90s. I swear! I even sing “Emotions” when I’m on the can in the employee restroom. Ask my co-worker Bill. He’ll vouch for me. Everyday I make him sit in the next stall and hit the high notes. I’m more of a baritone.