Marg Helgenberger Calls Justin Bieber a ‘Brat,’ Accuses Him of Cake-Punching

May 9th, 2011 // 57 Comments

CSI star Marg Helgenberger (above) gave a surprisingly candid interview in Paris over the weekend where she accused recent guest star Justin Bieber (Seen here making the Catholic Church pope-jaculate into its robe.) of being kind of a little dick. Via RadarOnline:

“I shouldn’t be saying this,” the stunning 52-year-old told an interviewer, “but he was kind of a brat. He was very nice to me. But he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was on the cast’s table.“

Keeping in mind Justin Bieber fans are basically this decade’s Al Qaeda, not to mention Marg’s insult was made on foreign soil, it’s literally just a matter of time until she’s shot in the head then dumped out to sea within 24 hours. There’s no other way for this scenario to end unless, of course, I offer her shelter in exchange for looking at no less than one of her awesome old boobs. My yard is littered with Twilight books, dang-blasted texting telephones and Zac Efron photos. (No homo. — Mostly.) They’ll never make it past the veranda.

Photos: Fame, Flynet


  1. ToucherMcChildren

    No way, a self involved, spoiled millionaire is kind of a dick? i am SHOCKED! SHOCKED I say!

    • Honest Abe

      Read between the lines…she talked about Bieber and fisting in the same sentance- creepy old lady…

  2. Nancy Pelosi

    Who cares about Justin Bieber. That broad has an amazing rack though.

    • she does look amazing for 52, though i do need an ass shot to be sure.. but this weekend’s shocker wasn’t beiber being a brat. it’s that mel gibson’s beaver movie only brought in 100k

      • A lesbian and a misogynist came up with a movie called “The Beaver” which is about someone with a mental illness using a hand puppet to communicate… And neither of them thought it might not sell well? Shocker….

  3. Any Guy

    52??? shit, she puts most 30 year olds to shame with those mommy-bags. I’d bang her SO hard.

  4. “Shut up bitch, you’re on CSI.” – Da Beebz

  5. matt

    That’s it we are all gonna die, the best humanity got to offer is a fake. Anyway,. so there was cake after all,…

  6. Snow J. Frost

    The Beebz is no Steven Seagal.

  7. Funny, I always thought he’d be more of a walnut farmer than a cake puncher.

  8. Cake-puncher? Is that some kind of euphemism for something? Is it anything like a pillow-biter?

  9. Deacon Jones

    Very good looking for her age.

    She reminds me of an old office manager we had at work. You keep thinking to yourself, “Yeah, why not!” as you pass her in the hallway.

    And then you see her in a bathing suit at a 4th of July picnic
    (cue slide flute going from high to low)

  10. The Listener

    If they were done in fun, punching a cake and locking a producer in a closet sounds like pranks. If not done in fun, it’s just a tamper tantrum.

    • Not sure which prank ends in punching a cake, but perhaps some of the readers can come up with one that ends with this punchline.

  11. The Critical Crassness

    Apparently,”The Canadian Messiah” can do what he wants,when he wants,because his Mommy told him so! Well, except for banging Selena Gomez in the Caribbean on New Year’s Eve. Mommy don’t approve of that shit!

  12. JC

    Hearing about Bieber’s dickish antics brings a smile to my face. Mostly because they greatly increase the probability that we’ll see him in a reality show 10 years from now, complete with an eye twitch, weird facial hair, and meth teeth, talking about how he slept in dumpsters for a while, but now he’s found a really good YMCA to stay at, where the other residents only urinate on him occasionally.

  13. The Critical Crassness

    You can tell Fish is back, every other picture in the gallery is one of the little homo grabbing his crotch….WTF is up with that shit, Fish? You couldn’t find 10 shots of a hot 52 year old woman to post in this gallery, so you posted 5 shots from your personal Justin Bieber collection?

  14. Marg Helgenberger
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck. She’s 52?

  15. Cake punching is a gateway to donut punching.

  16. Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    So, he’s Michael Jackson now?

  17. Marg Helgenberger
    Commented on this photo:

    Man, she is smokin’! All those stupid soccer moms who get short haircuts and stop trying to look attractive, thinking they’re set because they married a rich guy could take a lesson from this one.

    I’d been her knees to her ears and split her like firewood!

  18. Hola

    He is a little dick! Anyone see him on Fantasy Factory? Totally disrespected Rob and his cousin; little shit!

  19. anonym

    Marg…….. always hot. I respect her and wanna bang her at the same time. she’s over 20 years older than me too.

    when she says you’re a dick, you’re a dick.

  20. anonym

    what the fuck is up with those pictures of Bieber grabbing his vagina ?????

  21. It can always go worse. He could have locked the cake and punched through the producer. Also, dat vuman iz smoking.

    • C’mon…that kid has the physique of a bread stick. There’s no way he could have punched through a producer. MAYBE he could have punched through a production assistant…MAYBE.

  22. God is Black

    52? The face says no and the boobs no ,but the give-away are the hands…….Sure I would fuck her but looking at those hands makes me think I’m fucking an Alien,Alien Trilogy?

  23. This story holds an important lesson for each of us. I, for one, have learned that I would have sex with a 52 year-old.

  24. Marg Helgenberger
    Commented on this photo:

    She was so pretty before she messed with her lips a few years back.

  25. kulit

    woman shouldn’t have messed with her lips a few years back.

  26. vitobonespur

    I can’t believe anyone would say negative things about Justin. I think he’s such a doll…and as soon as his tits finally come in and he shaves his pussy, I’m gonna fuck him!

    One other thing…Biebs, I can’t stand the hairdo. Grow it long and wear it in a French braid.

  27. I can see him punching a chocolate starfish but cake? Really?

    • No way is he punching starfish…a twink that pretty is the one getting punched square in his jasmine-scented little pink porthole…probably by either a big buff black man or a ridiculously fat bear.

  28. tiffini

    She doesnt have any evidince .

  29. Mark R

    If loving senior citizen titty is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

    I’m saying I’d punch her cake.

  30. Marg Helgenberger
    Commented on this photo:

    Finer than a bag of shit, I’ll hit it.

  31. American League of Cakes

    We need to put a stop to this rampant cake punching.

  32. GeogeWBush

    She was a lot hotter before all the plastic surgery…what a waste

  33. Burt

    That kid needs to realize that just because 8 year-old kids think he’s the greatest thing to happen to them since becoming toilet trained doesn’t mean he has to act like one.

  34. Sangriatic

    Jesus, she looks younger than she did in Tommyknockers. I love them natural gals!!

  35. The Everlasting Know-It-All

    Damn, that is a fine woman. Nom nom nom

  36. With how tightly her skin has been stretched across her face I’d be surprised if she could tell the difference between the Canuck Jesus putting his fist through a cake and Montana Fishburne making a surprise appearance on set.

    • Mama Pinkus

      thank you Rubber; I wanted to ensure I wasn’t the only person thinking Marg looks very plastic and appears to be unable to make a genuine expression

  37. Marg Helgenberger
    Commented on this photo:

    please come holiday

  38. Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    he is so ugly

  39. Marg Helgenberger
    Commented on this photo:

    … and I thought ‘cake-punching’ is what some dude did to Bieber … oh wait, – sorry, that’s Bieber getting his muffin stuffed

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