Malaysia Flight 370 Just Got Occam’s Razor’d

March 18th, 2014 // 24 Comments
Students pray for Malaysian Airlines Flight 370

Like anyone who works in and obsesses over the media to the detriment of their mental and physical health – *pisses in Mason jar, holds up to light* Hmm, not enough purple. They’ll be expecting that… – I’ve been sucked right into the Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 story which may or may not have everything to do with its propensity for LOST jokes. Anyway, while the media goes nuts hoping to God this is will be a terrorism story that keeps on giving, Canadian pilot Chris Goodfellow has written a piece for Wired that is mind-blowing in its simplicity, and as of this post, seems like the most logical explanation for what happened on board. So for the frothing media nuts out there, the link’s below, and for the rest of you, I promise the next post will have boobies. Be strong.

A Startlingly Simple Theory About the Missing Malaysia Airlines Jet – Wired

Photo: Getty

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  1. But-but-but… How are we going to argue for more NSA money, more extensive surveillance powers, and deeper TSA probes if this thing turns out to be a *mechanical* problem???

    Mr. Goodfellow, prepare to be dodging drones on your way to work this morning…

  2. Where’s the Chris Goodfellow bikini photos?

  3. Sorry

    ummm, did Jonah Hill draw that plane?

  4. coljack

    Awesome link. This is the first theory that didn’t sound like wild guessing. I think the terrorism theory is getting so much play in part because of wishful thinking. Everyone’s hoping (I’m hoping) that somehow, somewhere this plane could turn up on the ground, full of passengers whose main complaint is: “The food in Turkmenistan SUCKS.”

    A fire on a plane on the other hand is a very scary prospect, particularly for the fact that crew and passengers know something is wrong and have time to struggle with the problem, only to wind up helpless against a nightmare scenario. In this case, I guess it wouldn’t even be a fire, just choking smoke that left the jet disabled and flying out to a desolate, watery end.

    Time will tell. Anything that helps find the wreckage and give closure to the families would be a good thing.

  5. Tom Hanks has always been on the cutting edge of Hollywood, but this viral sequel to Castaway is terrible. Who greenlit this project?

  6. alex

    Two questions:
    1. If his theory is correct, and it just ran on auto until it ran out of gas, wouldn’t it have traveled well into landfall and crashed on land? Easily heard, seen, found, etc. Even a jungle crash would have been picked up by local military radar as an inbound missile or similar projectile.

    2. Should the two forged passports be completely ignored?

    Since there is no trace of the plane, I suggest that applying Occam’s Razor would indicate that the plane landed safely somewhere and is hidden.

  7. I love how people come up with these so fucking easy theories like somehow the 18 different governments with 50 different departments each don’t have anyone that has thought of the same scenarios. I am guessing this pilot wants a book deal or at the least a paid spot on the same CNN he trashed or other networks as an analyst.

    At the end of the day the government will tell you what they want to tell you, just remember they really are under no obligation to tell you what they really know, or the truth until they deem it necessary.

    • coljack

      I agree with you 110% about the guy at Stanford who was just CONVINCED it was a decompression, until evidence came out that it wasn’t and now he’s got some theory that the plane shadowed another plane, evading radar until it landed. Sorry – not interested in any more of that guy’s theories.

      This guy, though, is a pilot, and his perspective is interesting and doesn’t make up stuff that isn’t there. And who knows if the governments involved have thought of this scenario – they’re too busy chasing terrorism leads, so I’m glad the guy weighed in. It’s the first reasonable thing I’ve heard since this whole mystery first unfolded.

      • I agree with you, coljack. Chris Goodfellow’s article is really well-written and I got so into it that for a moment I thought I was reading a novel about an aircraft disaster.

  8. AC Slater

    This theory was prioritized down to the bottom of realistic probability a while ago, and the author ignored known facts. Wired published an intentionally contrarian piece just for the sake of being politically contranian. There is nothing anti-gay, anti-muslim, or anti-anything else in the fact the pilots or a hijacking are the current most logical theories. While throwing up sensational headlines, whoring narrow intellectual insights, at least you could be pragmatic about it.

  9. The most likely cause for any plane crash is pilot error.

    Jack: I should pick your brain. I’m developing a daytime talk show with Sully Sullenberger.

    Carol: Yeah, I’ve met that guy. He’s not that great. You know what a great pilot would have done? Not hit the birds. That’s what I do every day. Not hit birds. Where’s my ticket to the Grammys?

  10. Slash

    I read this about an hour ago, and yeah, it makes the most sense of any “theory” I’ve read/heard about. At least it doesn’t brand the pilots suicidal murderers before we actually know what the fuck happened from, you know, FINDING THE GODDAM PLANE.

  11. If they find the plane in the ocean and the pilot doesn’t have his wedding ring on I’m going to freak the fuck out.

  12. I just hope that whatever happened those poor people didn’t suffer long…especially the kids. :(

    • Because kids suffer more than fully cognisant adults while plummeting to their death? Why do people have to always Helen Lovejoy things like this? NO ONE on board deserved to suffer or die. There is no ‘especially’.,

      • Did I say anyone deserved to suffer or die? NO. Obviously you’re not a parent. I would think that kids would be more scared in a situations like these. Get over yourself.

  13. Deacon Jones

    Well, sounds like this fucking theory was blown out of the water, based on the fact they found programmed coordinates in the flight system to make the turn, and the same coordinates deleted in the pilot’s flight simulator at home.

  14. phuck

    Ermergerd. Grerrt therry. Except it’s already been debunked. And, above all, it’s simply more speculation based on no supporting evidence. #Journalism

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