Madonna may move to Israel

April 3rd, 2006 // 89 Comments

Rumors are circulating that Madonna may move to Israel. She’s reportedly touring there this fall and is interested in buying a house in Safed, the ancient city where Kabbalah was born. There’s not a whole lot of information or even a credible source, but Madonna moving to Israel just sounds right. It’d be like Tom Cruise announcing that he’s moving to crazy space-alien land. It’s ridiculous. But it’s not.



  1. boredatwurk

    I like her. I have to admit it.

  2. okiedoke

    Who the frig cares???

  3. I hope she stays there and that we never hear from her skanky witch-hands-ass again. Damn, I hate the cow.

  4. SuperSpence

    I finally have a reason to root for suicide bombers.

  5. Haven’t the Israelis suffered enough?

  6. RunningWithScissors

    Come on, Madonnas good! Leave her alone!

  7. CoJo

    I love her less and less each day.

    As for Tom Cruise, I think he should just move to hell.

  8. bigtuna299

    Does this mean her accent will change again??

  9. gogoboots

    It’s interesting, she used to be catholic and now it looks like she’s jewish. She’s going through some weird identity crisis, like sometimes she speaks with a British accent and you want to stick your head in the ground for her out of embarassment. Now she’s planning for a hebrew accent, oy vey! That’ll be awful and totally entertaining to watch…!!!

  10. boredatwurk

    She’s hard to hate. So much of my childhood was spent lipsinking to “La Isla Bonita.” Its like hating Long Duck Dong or the Goonies.

  11. Charlaurz McHall

    hey! i read about this last month. you can find it here:

  12. HughJorganthethird

    Does anyone know where I can hire a suicide bomber?

  13. tits_on_snack

    Meh. I’ve never liked her. Even in the 80′s when she was queen, and I was in the prime age group for liking her, I thought she was lame.
    Besides even if she moves there it will be just like every other celebrity having ten houses in ten different countries.

  14. L.ronhubbard

    Madonna blows chow.

  15. She runs away from a strict upbringing and bitches about it blh blah blah, and then surprise surprise finds a substitute. Every burned out hippy or Hollywood freak all do the same thing, from eastern religeouns to Scientology, to Kabbala, their all just replacements for the childhood religeon that they left. God, poor Israel.

  16. snark

    I’d tap that ass.

  17. Douchebag1

    On behalf of Jews everywhere, please don’t blame us. We all wish she’d picked Scientology instead.

  18. Italian Stallion

    Lyndsey really needs to stop with the drugs, she looks horrible in that picture….

  19. downshine

    why cant i ever be first?

  20. CheekyChops

    Good Riddance!

  21. gsprescueguy

    #5 – Awesome!

    Finally the English are sick of her and want her and her fake accent out.

    I think she should have to wander the desert for 40 years before they let her in.

    Isn’t Arafat’s place up for sale?

    Gorgeous West Bank Compound for sale, open air feeling (from custom Israeli fighter artillery), has that lived in, trapped like a rat feeling. Rubble included. A MUST SEE!!!

    Madonna, there is no religion that can save you from yourself. Good riddance.

  22. Fix the title: it should read “Madonna may INVADE Israel.”

    My how the Jewish people suffer…

  23. PapaHotNuts

    The “Gaza Strip” will now become a slutty dance .

    Please Allah, make her wear a burka.

  24. AsIWasSaying

    hahaha Papa. Now what about that annoying fake British accent?

  25. Conductor71

    #24 Papa, don’t preach.

  26. lowtalker

    Bye. Don’t let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out.

  27. PapaHotNuts

    I gotta preach Conductor71, I just gotta. Gotta rid the world of demons and Hiltons.

  28. mrs.t

    god, you guys. she’s going to HELP. can’t you all see that? a vacuous, anorexic, 50-year-old pop star is the only hope for the middle east.

  29. krisdylee

    aaawww, so the lapsed catholic, pseudo-lesbian, hindu-inspired yogi turned kabbalist, half-british, children’s book author, who can’t fucking act to save her soul, 1/2 century old pop star is now moving to Israel. Huh. No comment.

  30. LRonHubbaHubba

    #5 and #8…you brought sunshine into my life today.

  31. nortex001


  32. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    The further away the better, and make sure you take your stinky purple leotards with you.

  33. Got to give the women credit for her ever changing life.

    If she moves does her husband and go with her? Or do they have no say so in this?
    Donna A.

  34. Tha-Flash

    Damn Jew.

    She tries to impose her BS religion upon people.

  35. Italian Stallion

    What’s up with that last post?
    Itallian s.

  36. LRonHubbaHubba

    Ummm. I don’t think that Madonna is one of the Chosen People.

  37. This is going to be really embarrassing when she goes through her Koran and burquas(with strategic cut outs for her saggy old hotpanted flange) phase in three years’ time.

  38. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Hey, my parents are moving to Fayetteville, Arkansas… what? Noone cares? Weird.

  39. Bean

    Can’t wait to hear the new accent she’ll put on in her new homeland.

  40. MizScarlett

    I hear her next CD will be called “Confessions From a Lox Store.”

  41. Trotter

    She’s going to have to change her name. How does “Dried Idiot Old Whore Of Safed” sound?

  42. A897

    what a dumbass

  43. Trotter

    I’m not which aspect of her personality to hate more: megalomania, stupidity or hypocrisy. I’ll settle for all three.

    Think of the headlines: American Pop Star Disemboweled By Hezbollah… Madonna Urinates On Wailing Wall… Israelis To Madonna: Please move to Germany…

  44. Malakite

    What the fuck is wrong with her face!? She looks like a squished barbie doll.

  45. krisdylee

    Never mind her face, those fuckin’ arms are really freakin’ me out….

  46. Star Maker Machinery

    #45, that’s because she forgot her daily infusion of baby’s blood when that photo was taken.

  47. Craig & "em"

    Que sera, sera
    what ever will be, will be;
    The future’s not ours to see.
    Que sera, sera
    What will be, will be


  48. ESQ

    Being a REAL American Jew and knowing Jews from Israel – Israeli’s HATE American Jews period.

  49. bootface

    i knew madonna was a re-re the moment vanilla ice was in sex

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