Here’s How Madonna Stays In Shape For Her Man-Child

August 31st, 2011 // 18 Comments

If you’re like me, you often wonder how Madonna keeps herself in prime, looking like she’s dying physical condition for stealing and/or dating children depending on which direction the blood crystal points in the morn. Turns out her secret is rigorous soccer ball lifting. One hour of soccer ball lifting in the morning, followed by more soccer ball lifting in the afternoon. And for dinner, a sensible meal of soccer ball lifting. I don’t really understand how it works, but her dark ways are not for us to comprehend as much as tremble in fear of and prepare a sacrifice to. For example, today she demanded Cambodian child on a leafy goat head platter, so now I’ve got find my good braising pan. Dames, amirite?

UPDATE 9.1.11: Here’s all I can say about the now-missing photos: Today – and this rarely happens – I was told by the photo agency these were licensed from that they were no longer for publication. Later in the day, another photo agency issued blanket takedowns of two other Madonna sets which, fortunately, we weren’t running because it’s a pain in the ass to remove these. I’m not pointing any fingers here, but dark sorcery is afoot. Be wary.


  1. Facebook Me

    OK, her face is LONG way over due. BUT her body for as old as she is puts some 20 year-olds to shame.

  2. What do older women not get about needing some fat on their face and body to look youthful? She’s too damn old to be that ripped and that’s not a good look for anybody period.

    • Facebook Me

      So I guess being fat and out of shape is “in” at any age?

      No thanks, I will stick to the gym and age gracefully.

    • Err, where did I say anything about “being fat”? Everybody needs “some fat” on their face and body, no matter how good of shape you’re in and how much you workout, it’s what makes you look youthful. Think Adriama Lima, not obese Precious or anorexic Leann Rimes. Gaunt, veiny and too muscular, a la Madonna, is a disgusting look, epsecially for someone in her 50′s.

      Looking a man may be your thing, I’ll stick to looking like a woman, thanks.

    • Pot meet kettle. Not knowing how to read and misconstruing “some fat” for “being fat” makes you look like a retard….an old, manly, veiny, overly ripped retard….just sayin’.

  3. Fester

    I wonder if holding giant balls over her head reminds her of her fling with Dennis Rodman?

  4. Sodomy_Is_For_Girls

    Who knew fondling leather balls is the secret to longevity?
    Oh, right.
    Holly Madison.

  5. I’ll give her this. i haven’t seen her this hot since her video “Lucky Star”.

    • peanut eminem

      it’s the frosted lens quality of the photo…look at others when she’s in focus – and be ready to cringe..

  6. Lola

    She’s still gross and the chasing guys young enough to be her son thing is just pathetic and desperate.

  7. Clown Shoes

    +1 for Madonna wearing long sleeves. SJP pay attention.

  8. herbiefrog

    …saw you on tv news

    lookin’ f i n e

    still …

  9. How about George clooney and Tom cruise..they are dating women young enough to be their daughters but nobody says anything, I wonder why that is…is it becuase you are jelous that madona does as she likes and you cannot…come on fair is fair, lets not be double standard and hypocrites…lets can it the way it is old men have been doing this for agessssssssss, its about time women do as they like without being called down and critisized…it is 2011 isn`t it…

  10. neil

    why do people always have to be so negative…….and stop with the word retard!

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