“Shhhh. Don’t tell that village I razed after finding their sacrifice wanting.”
In a rare interview with ABC News, Madonna opens up about dating 24-year-old Brahim Zaibat despite the fact she’s a 2,000-year-old sorceress whose dark magic secretly facilitated the crucifixion of Christ, the bubonic plague and the birth of Lady GaGa when a cloning enchantment went horribly awry:
“I didn’t choose to, you know, I didn’t, like, write down on a piece of paper I’m now going to have a relationship with a younger man,” Madonna told McFadden. “That’s just what happened. You see, that’s the romantic in me. I just met someone that I cared for, and this happened to be his age.”
But when asked what she found appealing about younger man, the Material Girl tried to shut down the line of questioning with, “I don’t feel comfortable with this conversation.”
Except Madonna did continue the conversation after talking about finding someone who can connect with her children which sort of makes it cheating when you start banging someone their age:
Putting family first, one of the most important things Madonna said she looks for in a partner is someone whom her two biological children, Lourdes, 15, and Rocco, 11, and her two adopted children, David Banda and Mercy James, both 6, will respect.
“Someone who feels a connection with my children and respects the idea that they have to be a role model as well,” Madonna said. “It’s a lot to live up to.”
As for her current relationship with Zaibat, Madonna claimed she is actually the low-maintenance “easy” one between the two of them.
“I go home and I wash my face and I put on my sweatpants and I lay down on the bed and I say, ‘oh, please rub my feet,’ and you know, he says, ‘no, you rub my feet,’” Madonna said. “So, you know, behind the curtain, I’m just like everybody else.”
I love how Madonna tries to pretend Brahim says “no” to her yet doesn’t find himself immediately charred to a crisp and replaced by one of the 800 boys she keeps locked in a pyramid. “Your name is Brahim now, child. Now rub your queen’s feet lest she turn the cauldron on you. STATUTORIOUS RAPENADA!” *dims light with wand*