Lindsay’s Career is Officially Over (UPDATE: And She Just Sued Pitbull)

August 19th, 2011 // 132 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Normally when I read a story about Lindsay Lohan almost landing a role that also contains the phrase “sources tell us”, I automatically assume that is a reference to Dina Lohan slurring into an empty gin bottle like its a reporter’s mic. But in the case of the highly anticipated male-stripper coming of age epic Magic Mike, it turns out Hollywood’s least favorite drunken titbox of a slore *unzips gimp mask, breathes sigh of relief* almost had a job. E! Online reports:

We’re talking about Magic Mike, and sources tell us LiLo was this close to landing the part. Instead…It went to model-turned-newbie actress Riley Keough (Elvis’s granddaughter and Lisa Marie Presley’s daughter, FYI).

When asked why Lindsay was passed over for the role, director Steven Soderbergh had this to say:

He didn’t want to deal with all that,” our source spills. “Nobody wanted to go there.

By “go there” he of course meant having to repeatedly send a PA over to wardrobe to replace Channing Tatum‘s g-string because its covered in Starbucks-flavored puke again. The article also says that the role would have been perfect for Lindsay because the character is “trouble with a capital T.” And even though that description hasn’t been used since newsreels in the ’40s, its plain to see that even a director doing a film about a freckle-titted sea jasper merchant wouldn’t cast her at this point.

UPDATE: And of course Lindsay just filed a lawsuit claiming some lyrics in a rap song are sullying her “good repute and standing in the Screen Actors Guild,” despite the fact that no director in Hollywood will even let her near a boom mic. (Because she fellates it.)

Photo: Fame, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Que

    Que unfortunate.

  2. It’s called “natural consequences”.

  3. Looking very Jayne Mansfield-y there. And we all know how that turned out.

  4. Larry Mondello

    I would like to splash my seed in her mouth

  5. Billy Budd

    I would like to stretch her joytrail out with my Mr Happy

  6. Is it just my imagination or do I see a bruise (just above the elbow of her left arm) where Soderbergh touched her with a ten-foot pole?

  7. Pippy Longcockings

    She has nice tits for a slutty crackwhore.

  8. Deacon Jones

    I think she looks hot, in a slut kind of way.

    WHO’d YA RATHER???

    Lindsay or Julia Roberts?????

  9. The character is trouble with a capital “T”, that rhymes with “P” and that stands for “puking all over herself”…Lindsay is perfect for the role!

  10. Rough, license to ill

    He didn’t want to deal with what? Give the girl a job a-holes, stop playing grapevine gods.

  11. jlover

    come on lilo let out that Porn tape. its time. do it. now.

  12. Clarence Beeks

    she is uninsurable, which is why no one will hire her. Also, if she wants to work, she should start by going back to being a redhead.

  13. Bernard Goldbloom

    This picture somehow makes me want to spooge all over her face . Some kind of subliminal message ?

    • Carlos Esperanza

      I know what you mean exactly. She is saying ” Bring me an 8 – ball , and you can come on my face and tits” It’s so real , I can hear the words in my head right now !

      • Spaulding Smails

        I am hearing the 8 – Ball voice in my head too ! She’s also promising fellatio and anal ! This is uncanny !

    • Larry Mondello

      Damn , If you stare at the picture long enough, you can go into a trance and hear the 8 – ball message . I can’t make out everything , but “Bring me an 8 – ball “comes through really clear

    • Walter Fawcett

      She said an 8 – ball won’t do . She’ll need a kilo and then we are good to go . She said we can even get married if I can keep up my end with the blow

  14. Basil Gascoyne

    I would like to snort a line of coke off of her tits and then punish her from behind . Is that not normal ?

    • Lance Longfellow

      I have the exact same thought , but I envision I am snorting a line of coke off of Lindsay’s tits and punishing Gwyneth Paltrow from behind simultaneously. Is that normal?

      • Perry King

        I would like to punish Lohan and Paltrow from behind while sorting coke off of Candace Swanopel’s tits , or we could all take turns , like musical chairs

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Perry King! Man I love you! How’s Jackie Collins these days? Now that’s what Hollywood is missing. The eighties-style sex miniseries.

    • Pippy Longcockings

      Musical slut boxes.

  15. it had to be said

    “Titbox.”

    That is all.

  16. wb

    “freckle-titted sea jasper merchant” and “drunken titbox of a slore” in the same post! That English major is really paying off now photoboy.

  17. CIO

    I saw 5 minutes of ‘Machete’ last night. I can tell you that career is already over.

  18. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Ditty
    Commented on this photo:

    Judging by this angle, she has 1 film role left in her.

    And when I say “in her”, I mean every orifice.

  19. Maurice St Claire

    She will be ready to star in many pornographic movies soon and for a long time to come . I would enjoy directing her in a few of these movies and I can assure you that the quality would be exceptional .
    Lindsay , Contact me through Craigslist under “Casual Encounters”

  20. truth.org

    Still loving the tits. Thanks Lindsay.

  21. Helmut Schiessekopt

    I would like her to star in a few very special German Pornographic movies . I can imagine how wonderful the scenes would turn out with her Alabaster skin and the many DP events I would love to film

  22. I thought her “CAREER” was over like 2 or 3 years ago, I must have been eating shrooms & making an oragami fold up doll out of my Mean Girls movie poster or something.

  23. Banastre Trent - Holmes

    I noticed she is not wearing any jewelry around her neck. Might I be so kind to offer her a Pearl Necklace ?

    • Billy Rubin

      Give Dina a pearl necklace from a jeweler, and you can give Lindsay a pearl necklace from your own special manufacturing machine

  24. The only hope Lindsay has in resurrecting her career is to invest her last dollars in an oxygen tank and stay in it for 15 years, to halt aging. Then she can land the 40 year old Milf roles. Until then, she is sol.

  25. Ummmm

    I’m kinda digging Photo Boy’s writing style…

  26. Nate

    I have no idea wtf you’re talking? Those quotes didn’t leave to believe that her career is over? Also her career is far from over and the same can be said for any Hollywood actor, actress. They can always get an Oscar award winning rolls in the 60′s 70′s 80′s. Just becuase they aren’t working now doesn’t mean shit.

  27. Nate

    * In their 60′s not the 60′s.

  28. Jimmy

    I’m thinking that her primary source of income nowadays is selling photos of herself to magazines and suing anyone who says her name in hopes that they’ll settle out of court.

  29. Jack Ketch

    So I wonder if this means that she will write on some random washroom stall, “Riley Keogh is a bloody cunt,” like she did when ScarJo landed a role that Lindsay wanted a few years ago. Class all the way. She looks worse day by day …

  30. Richard McBeef

    How many Lindsay’s career is officially over posts does it take before we either A) stop seeing them or B) she is found face down in the ditch with a frothy paste coming out of her mouth and her panties around her ankles?

    • JC

      I just assumed Fish/Photo Boy ignore all instances of scenario (B), because otherwise the whole site would be nothing but posts about LiLo.

  31. Handsome Bob is a Poof

    She sued “a’ pitbull. I think it was Spike from the Little Rascals.

  32. Clint Eastwood

    What the hell are those liver spots on her hand?!

  33. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Kady
    Commented on this photo:

    Hair Weave!

  34. Sweenis McFrecklenut

    she needs to hurry up and do some porno!

  35. Shyt

    I’m tired of looking at and hearing about this nothing bitch. The only solution is for her to die.

  36. MotherFucker

    She’s still fucking HOT!

  37. She can fellate my boom mike any time she wants.

  38. Buddy the Elf

    She is NASTY looking – get serious.
    Her granny tits dont make up for her fucked up splotchy skin and pastie complexion. Apparently a diet of crack/redbull/vodka/skittles doesnt do a body good.

    If she isnt famous and you see her on the street you say ‘nice tits’ and dont even give it a second look.

  39. Carlos Esperanza

    Potato salad made with Lindsay’s breasts , Mmmmmm !

  40. Emily

    I am so sick of Lindsay Lohan. I found a song on youtube that perfectly describes how i feel every time i see/hear about her on the internet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrPVjJkUXC8

  41. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    elle
    Commented on this photo:

    She always looks dirty, cheap and kind of hungover.

  42. FamousPlastic.com

    Of course she sued Pitbull. Lawsuits are her sole income and source of attention now.

  43. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    NG
    Commented on this photo:

    …and fucking hot.

  44. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    ptybl151
    Commented on this photo:

    …i swear i can never catch it all, do you think anyone will notice??

  45. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    Rabbit
    Commented on this photo:

    I liked her red hair better, but I’ll still do her as a blonde

  46. anonym

    YO LINDSAY.

    hey.

    it’s time to just quit and go into porn. Seriously, I think you would be an awesome pornstar

    • Lionel Ward

      As a hooker , she could make good money . Big titted Ginger blow job! Charlie sheen would compete for her as a Goddess

  47. Lindsay Lohan Magic Mike
    ahh
    Commented on this photo:

    shes perfect. love her skin.

  48. Harding Cady Stanton

    Linds , Baby !
    Time to come over to Vivid Entertainment ! really ! I’ve got quite a few scripts for you to read . Don’t worry , they are pretty short in case , well , you’re a little ‘light – headed ‘. The acting part won’t be hard for you , cause you’re already a party girl ! AmI right ?
    Call Me
    Harding

  49. larrythefatcat

    Wait… that Pitbull song mentions LiLo?

    I only remember a part where he says “like Lizzy Lowah”… so, no, this is definitely a frivolous lawsuit if I ever heard one!

  50. Cya later

    She’s done; her career is over with. The only film role she’ll be able to get for the rest of her life is a fluffer on the set of “The American Blowjob Championships”…

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