Lindsay Lohan’s sister wants to be just like her

February 27th, 2008 // 50 Comments

Ali Lohan, Lindsay’s 14-year-old little sister, wants to grow up to be just like Lindsay. Ali’s got a new reality show that her mom Dina brokered because, let’s be real, Dina couldn’t parent her way out of a wet paper bag with a knife inside. Anyway, here’s what Ali said to Teen Vogue:

“I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you…it’s so cool when people look up to you. I’ve already been asked for my autograph, and it’s just a really good feeling to have.”

Ali got to watch Lindsay pose nude as Marilyn Monroe and I guess she found it appealing that her 22-year-old sister’s body looked worse than that of a 36-year-old. Add that to all the whoring, and I mean, c’mon Lindsay is a modern-day Sandra Day O’Connor. I have no idea who that is, but I’m sure she’s an awesome role model just like Lindsay.

EDIT: Turns out Sandra Day O’Connor was a Supreme Court Justice who literally just sued my pants off. And I say literally because FBI agents kicked down my door and pantsed me. Then laughed at my genitalia. The jokes on them though. Chicks laugh at my package all the time. HA! I win.

Photos: INFdaily.com
superficial

  1. jen

    first ayoooo

  2. kenny

    first!

  3. syn13

    Whatever.

  4. Roova

    I love Lindsay. I saw her profile on millionaire dating site millionairefriends.com last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for there.

  5. That family makes my EYES BLEED.
    I should hire Sandra Day O’Connor to sue them!

  6. Grunion

    to bad she hasn’t decided what she is going to be famous FOR. Not that it matters these days.

  7. Anonymous

    A Note To The Entertainment Industry:

    Please, for all of mankind, tell the Lohan’s to FUCK OFF.

    Thank you.

  8. Italian Stallion

    I bet she likes to drink coke just like her big sister. Did I just say drink? I need to stop smoking this shit right here,,,,,,,,,,,,

  9. sevenandaswitchblade

    What? No post about the death of William F. Buckley Jr.? This site has gone downhill Fish.

  10. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    Lohans and Spears are the skank version of the Hatfields and McCoys.

    /I’ll see your teen-age pregnancy and raise you a drug-addicted, STD infested, teenage media whore.

  11. Auntie Kryst

    So what is the devil going to get from Dina this time to make her second born a famous media whore, double infinity?

  12. The lucky producer of that reality show gets to bang a 14-year-old.

  13. Ted from LA

    Fish,
    Your writings are not funny anymore. Bring back the old guy. Keep them short. The more you write, the more inane you become. That reminds me, when I start to write too long my abs of steel start to hurt. I remedy that by getting so drunk that I end up in bed with Dina Lohan. Now I’m pretty conservative, but I don’t hold a candle to the newly deceased William F. Buckley Jr.

    Edit: It turns out William F. Buckley, the father of the American conservative movement, never slept with Dina Lohan. I guess he just couldn’t drink as much as me! In your face Dina Lohan.

  14. fergernauster

    PEREZ HILTON for PRESIDENT!!!

  15. sleazy

    Ted from LA,
    usually you’re funny. Today you’re not. I know, I know, you’re imitating the fish but still….

  16. ipanema_schuyler

    Ted, you’re not Todd, neither.

    BTW, if you want funny writings, read the archives of early fish, geekologie and over at idlyitw.com.

    geekologie used to be funny as hell ca. a year ago. now, it’s just ok.

  17. alan

    #12- of course you meant “unlucky” because that would be illegal. I am in total agreement with you.

  18. Mal Gusto

    Ali, I’d hit it.

  19. ipanema_schuyler

    #13, again:

    the guy from thoughtviper.com is deadly funny. his review of Todd Holton’s Super Green Beret comic strip is a KILLER. a must-read if you’re into that kind of irony and sarcasm!

    http://www.geocities.com/thoughtviper/holton/th.html

  20. fergernauster

    That pic shows that tobacco kisses between Lindsay & Keith Urban are elegant and classy!

  21. fergernauster

    This particular Superfish writer may well suck.

    There are several writers, FYI.

    Some suck and some just barely suck.

    On with the TRASHING!!!

  22. ipanema_schuyler

    #20: yeah, we know there are more than just ONE THE fish. I somehow heart the abs-of-steel writer ..

  23. It's me Fuckers

    Erm… maybe it’s just me but I thought the Fish was doing pretty good with being funny lately…

    Flame me now FUCKERS… the floor is yours =)

  24. tight lipped smiler

    I bet those two ciggie mouths colliding made a maggot burp somewhere.

  25. Ted from LA

    #15,
    There is nothing like getting a pat on the back and kicked in the nuts at the same time. Thanks. I’ll try to get a good night sleep tonight and do better tomorrow. I have a toothache.

  26. D. Richards (Chef.)

    I mean, c’mon, aside from not wanting venereal diseases, who doesn’t want to be Lindsay Lohan?

  27. Doomhammer

    uh, Im not certain, but I think when everybody listens to LL it is because its hard to understand her when she is high and slurring so you really have to listen close. Once I thought Linds said “hey guys, come and do these fat rails right off my fat tits”. Imagine my embarrassment when someone told me what she really said was “hey everybody, come on me and then do these fat rails right off my fat tits. To think, I almost ran up and just started doing those rails, without even cumming on her first ! Id have been so embarassed to break Lindsays normal studio protocol…..whew! It was a close one.

  28. MarkM

    “it’s so cool when people look up to you”!!….FYI Dinah, the only time anyone is looking up to your sis is when she’s riding ‘em cowgirl style…

  29. Captain Fuckyou

    The best news this site could post would be filtering the blog spammers from those dating sites.

    Also: Hopefully the younger Lohan will take better care of herself so her nudes are more appealing than Lindsay’s. Not that I didn’t rub one out to them.

    One or two. Or four.

  30. Just a thought

    Has anyone ever noticed that guy’s nasty, hairy belly? gross!

  31. FCS

    The only way to make that pic better is to have C. Heston in the background saying “get your hands off me you damn dirty ape”

  32. Anonymous

    FCS:

    He said “get your stinking paws off me”………

  33. Janine

    Yummy, cigarette ashtray kisses always make me hot.

  34. norton

    The role models we roll out today are simply amazing.

  35. HILL

    eeeesh that guy is seriously like planet of the apes hairy. so little lohan wants to be a fire-crotch, too?

  36. LL

    I think Superficial is still fucking hilarious, usually way more entertaining than the celebrity “news” he/she is mocking.

    Note: On Fark, when some retard types “first,” it gets automatically changed by the system to “boobies.” Why can’t Superficial do that? Only instead of “boobies,” it would say “I’m a retard!” or “I eat bugs!” or “Hey, ya’ll, I’m Britney, got any Cheetos?”

    As for Lohan, eh… what is there to say now? Her parents are both tremendous losers and have more than likely psychologically damaged all their children. It’s the American way. Where do you think strippers and porn actresses come from? I say we owe the dysfunctional parents of America a debt of gratitude for all they contribute to the adult entertainment industry.

  37. ipanema_schuyler

    yeah LL, this is quite an interesting point: the world’s biggest porn industry is situated in (one of ?) the prudest (western) country(s). I’m not from the USA, can you explain that to me?

    note: Fish can’t even get rid of those damn spammers, and you ask him changing “first” to “boobies”? and what if s/one types frist? we’d get bieboos?

  38. brook

    OMG!!! did you hear theres going to be a new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians March 9th on E!. Its going to be so much better than last season. I wonder if Reggie Bush is going to be on it. Heres the links that you asked for. Check out the game

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/tushygame/index.jsp.

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/index.jsp?sid=nav-shows

  39. heather

    Thats cool. I cant believe theres going to be a new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. So awesome. Check these links out. Theres a funny game too

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/tushygame/index.jsp.

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/index.jsp?sid=nav-shows

  40. starship

    #38 and #39: Suck my balls you stupid fucktard douchebag whores and get a fucking job at Taco Bell where you belong.

  41. OH PLEASE, ALI.. BE LIKE JAMIE LYNN INSTEAD HAHAHA

  42. Yikes!

    I have no idea why this 14 year old is getting media attention. I suppose it is because she is Lohans sister. What a great role model, 14 years old, smoking and kissing some guy that looks over 18.

  43. Pat

    To Yikes, I’m pretty sure the girl smoking a cigarette and kissing the older guy is Lindsay, not Ali.

    As for Ali, she can flash the paparazzi all she wants, just like big sister, and laugh at them because they couldn’t sell it anywhere (because that would be child pornography).

  44. kate

    Has anybody hear about Pop Fiction. This show on E! Its going to be on air March 9th at 10:30 et/pt. If anybody knows about it let me know. Also ive seen these. This show is going to be good. It has to be its so secretive. Ive been hearing crazy rumors about it too!! Heres the link

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/popfiction/index.jsp

    CHAOS IS COMING. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

    o HOLLYWOOD ARMAGEDDON.  RESISTANCE FUTILE.  POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

  45. Yikes!

    #44
    Thank you. I feel better now.

  46. Yikes!

    #44
    Thank you.

  47. herbiefrog

    ok pretty low energy. we assume its dina… what did you expect us to say?

    maybe read philosophy and then forget everything you read or perhaps just examine the exact opposite pov [apposite : )]

    what?
    it’s fine… jusat post

  48. deez

    I like how the Fish’s personality changed from macho obnoxious guy to self-deprecating comic. The former was annoying, in my opinion. Go Fish!

  49. lindsay eres muy bonita para que la mage esta se premio contigo la verdad daria la vida por meterte en mi cama despues de volarte te basaria hasta morir sos mi mayor deseo que quisiera cumplir yo soy lesbiana y me encantas mucho no sabes cuanto sueño contigo muñeca bella

  50. la luck

    lindsay daria lo que fuera por lamerte tu vajina te meteria mi lengua por todos tus rincones para que gimas de placer como nunca te haria terminar como nadie lo ha hecho tendrias el mejor orgasmo que ni esa suertuda te a logrado sacar quisiera ser esa tuani para tenerte ami lado cuidate belleza de mujer te escribe una admiradora de nicaragua bay ricura

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