Lindsay Lohan makes Pete Doherty look like Jesus

June 11th, 2007 // 164 Comments
lohan-out-of-control.jpg

In one of the most ridiculous accounts I’ve ever read, Lindsay Lohan’s ex-bodyguard, Lee Weaver, reveals he quit being Lohan’s bodyguard because she was too out of control. He tells the News of the World that Lohan:

ATTACKED a gun-wielding cocaine dealer for ripping her off. SNORTED line after line with Simple Life star Nicole Richie in a TEN-HOUR binge. SLASHED her wrists with knives, sobbing that she “didn’t belong on this planet”. ENJOYED frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls she picked up at parties — and even made a play for chart star Mariah Carey.

I don’t doubt that Lindsay Lohan is out of control, but this is insane. And by insane I mean 100% totally true. Although he left out the time she got into a fist fight with a homeless person and then ate his brains raw.

superficial

  1. colby

    totally true

  2. Lucija

    first :) :)

  3. SGT Dan

    I call BS on some of it. There would have been lesbo pics (besides the light bladeplay with Vanessa M-whatever) if that had happened.

  4. none

    omg, her mom is a long island guido.

  5. Stoned Bored

    4th!

    Ha ha Lucija, not first!

    I would so stick it between those tits.

  6. JungleRed

    Throw ‘em all in jail!

    Man, that mother of her’s is one scary tranny-looking bitch.

  7. JungleRed

    oops…hers

  8. I have never wanted to party with someone more.

  9. “Frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls”

    I must meet this girl!!

    http://www.innerdrama.com/

  10. wtf is up with that picture? i think her mom thinks she’s as badass as her daughter, which is saddening.

  11. There’s got to be some sex tapes out there somewhere……..and I’d like to see them.

  12. I’d say she makes about anyone look like Jesus.

  13. Gull E. Bull

    I believe every word. News of the World is the second most reliable publication (The Onion is #1).

  14. adeliza

    No, seriously, is that a real woman with her in that pic? Is that a transvestite?

  15. NicotineEyePatch

    It’s like looking into the future, you can tell Lindsay will look just as rough as her in 3-4 years.

  16. NicotineEyePatch

    I mean Dina, not Pete Doherty. Or Jesus.

  17. Ruby

    I bet Hohan is happy she looks more like her father….or, is that her father pictured??

  18. Bruce Dickinson

    This is not more cowbell.

  19. It’s hard to hate HoHan when her tits look so fucking nice.

    Goddamn this penis of mine!!!!

  20. MF

    It’s obviously a planned charme offensive from the Lohan PR-camp. Just getting some sympathetic slizes of life in the news after all the horrible stories that were printed about her.
    And it works! She’s totally rewon my sympathy(or maybe thats just because of the great side-boobage in that picture)

  21. Yourfairytale

    Well I certainly agree with her that she doesn’t belong on this planet.

    I love it when people who have no reason to be depressed are suicidal. What wimps.

  22. ...here he is Our Lord and Savior!

    I admire Lindsay for surviving (barely, so far) the thing on the left side of the picture and the thing that it was married to (prison Jesus).

    No, seriously.

  23. The_Squizz

    This bitch just went up on my MUST DO list. After I’m done with her and her dike friends, they can all kill themselves.

  24. Superevil

    Sounds like a normal saturday night for me.

  25. Goink

    Cool – bodyguards can speak in all caps!

  26. not surprising. you could tell me lindsay lohan had a drunk threesome with her mom and britney spears and i’d be about as surprised as if you said paris hilton has an IQ of 12.

  27. Parrish

    Wow. I hated Lindsay before this post. I mean, I knew she was a cunt. But her weekends sound awesome! LINDSAY. BE MY FRIEND.

  28. nici

    They would be fun people to party with…getting away with crazy wild things with out going to jail!!like..crashing cars……Drinking and driving…squirting heroin at camera men..lezbo romps….feeding pot to monkeys…i mean come on, thats a party!!!;)

  29. drooling american

    uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh that’s just fuckin fascinating.

    So what’s the latest on Paris?

  30. mazstir

    pete doherty IS jesus.

  31. getoutofmygalley

    I wanna hear more about Jesus. That headline is misleading

  32. hotyute

    i was waiting to hear about the Santa Klauss also.

  33. chango

    “ENJOYED frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls she picked up at parties”

    Damn, No way I give up that gig . . . NFW

  34. I T.H.I.N.K. THAT ALL OF YOU IS OUT OF CONTROL! I SWEAR THAT IT’S A MILLION MORE PEOPLE OUT THERE, THAT DOES DRUGS, IS SHE ANY DIFFERENT? IF, SHE WANTS TO HAVE A HUGE HOLE IN HER NOSE, THAT’S HER NOSE! I DON’T GET WHY? DO YOU POST PICTURES OF HER MOTHER ON THE INTERNET? THAT’S HER MOM, AND I THINK THAT SHE SHOULD GET A LITTLE RESPECT, JUST FOR HAVING HER, AND HAVING THE SMARTS TO GET HER INTO THE BUSINESS! WHO GIVES, YOU THE RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYBODY, ON HOW THEIR RAISING THEIR KID! lINDSAY, IS A GROWN GIRL! IT’S UNFORTUNATE, THAT MAYBE THAT SHE DIDN’T HAVE A DAD IN HER LIFE, TO GUIDE, HER WHEN HER MOTHER MIGHT HAVE BEEN SLIPPING ON THE DISCIPLINE! THAT’S SAD, BUT I THINK THAT SHE WILL COME AROUND! SO….IN OTHER WORDS, FUCK OFF…BITCHES, AND GO TAKE A DOUSHE!

  35. Jimbo

    @9 can I come with you?

  36. getoutofmygalley

    One *uses* a doushe. One does not *take* a doushe; and it’s spelled *douCHe*, smarty.
    K? k.

  37. hotyute

    @34 “WHO GIVES, YOU THE RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYBODY” The comma after gives, hmmm, another coke suspect.

  38. MF

    What are you talking about? These are the most positive comments on LiLo I have ever read here

  39. #34 – you are a douche…

  40. CHA

    @34 i think you’re confused and a bit lost. try http://www.lindsayfans.com, retard.

  41. HoboChic

    Jeez, Fifi. You don’t have to yell.

  42. getoutofmygalley

    @39
    You rawk.

  43. omgreentoast

    #34- I love lindsay just as much as the next person, don’t get me wrong, but when you’re gonna tell of a ton of people for somthing that you should probably just keep to yourself, i suggest not writing it like a fucking retard hopped up on crack.

  44. Jimbo

    @34 You are as fucking stupid as your name. Why don’t you go to the Lindsay Lohan fan site and chat with all your buddies you stupid fucking douche bag

  45. foundation

    Those two combined are dumber than one Paris.

  46. lindsay

    Is that A fucking man next to her damn that shim is ugly, coke whores

  47. NicotineEyePatch

    At least we know the eyebrows were inherited, so it isn’t entirely Lindsay’s fault, or her esthetician’s.

  48. Donkey

    I wish her 15 minutes would dry up and blow away.

  49. Texas Tranny

    Isn’t fifi a dog’s name? Here fifi, I’ve got a bone for you, here puppy, puppy.

  50. anka

    I really don’t want to belive his story but the pictures of lindsay with her wrist cut are real and its obvious that she cuts herself so it makes u wonder what else is true about what he’s saying since the cutting part is all true

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