Lindsay Lohan leaves rehab and plots against Britney

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Lindsay Lohan left the Cirque Lodge facility in Utah this weekend and is spending some alone time with her dad. If that’s not creepy enough, she’s also plotting her diabolical return to the spotlight. E! Online’s The Awful Truth reports:

“She thinks it’s so funny that everybody’s worried about her,” revealed a Lohan bud to Desk Awful. “She says, ‘Oh, what a pitiful girl, they must all be saying,’ and then she breaks into hysterics,” added the somewhat nonplussed amiga, who included the following little verbal baby I simply adore ’cause it’s just so very real-life Mean Girls:

“And she doesn’t like Britney taking away all the attention, either.”

A storm is brewin’, my friends. Beware as the fire-crotched lass and the gelatinous blonde prepare to wage war over an epic battlefield of cocaine, paparazzi and Cheesy Beefy Melts. Can Lindsay’s rampant substance abuse and promiscuity stand a chance against Britney’s piss-poor parenting and imploding career? Who shall be the victor? Also, it’s been a while since I read Revelations, but shouldn’t four horsemen and a seven-headed dragon show up soon? Wait, what? Britney ate the dragon and Lindsay gave the horsemen VD? Damn. This is going to be awesome!

Images: Splash