Lindsay Lohan cashes in her lesbian relationship

April 7th, 2009 // 69 Comments

Lindsay Lohan got a momentary break from the shitfest that is her life when People magazine reported Samantha Ronson is NOT pursuing a restraining order:

Ronson’s attorney, David Bass, tells PEOPLE: “Samantha has no plan to request a restraining order. There is no basis for one.”
And a source close to the deejay offers this spin: “Sam does not want a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan. Sam had nothing to do with the restraining order against Lindsay that the police are talking about.”

Of course, by that point, Lindsay had already sold her harrowing tale of love lost to Us Weekly which is the equivalent of a career death rattle:

“I’m not a bad person and this is what happens,” Lohan told Us through tears. “I was raised to treat people well, and I’m so tired of this drama.”
Lohan says she’s “so alone” without Ronson.
“Everyone’s turned on me,” says the actress. She tells the magazine that the night of the Chateau showdown, Nicole Richie walked by her and said “Uck,” and Drea De Matteo said, “Come at me, bitch.”
“I’m a f–king 22-year-old girl who’s in love,” she says. “I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a movie.”

Wow, nice Mean Girls plug, Lindsay. Glad you could see through the unimaginable sadness to pitch your only successful film. If you wanted to be more subtle, you could’ve ran naked through Hollywood tossing headshots like confetti. — Actually, you should do still that. Make that stuff happen.

Adding… Drea De Matteo, will you marry me?

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. Brian

    two of the ugliest people on the planet. Freckled and disgusting and some bull dike with high tops on. They need to go skiing together and have an accident so we can pull their plugs.

  2. big loser

    Hey, I asked Drea De Matteo second. Oh, wait, that means you asked first. Oh, well.

  3. iamlemonfresh

    yeah, lindsay lohan’s life is a real shitfest. i’d stay and talk about how hard it is to style hair extensions every day that cost more than the average working joe’s house, or diva your way out of the occasional acting gig — the easiest job on the planet (“look, i’m crying. now i’m smiling. now i’m staying stuff someone else wrote. oooh, the sweat, you little people just don’t understand, someone powder my nose.”) unfortunately, i have to go sit in traffic for an hour and a half so i can sit at a desk for nine hours and push ungratifying little papers around an ungratifying little desk so i can buy my ungratifying little bowls of soup and generic brand bread, and try to hang on to the house another month.

    siiiiiiiigh.

  4. Phil

    Keep hunting her until she cuts her wrists then you can find someone else. Good work.

  5. The Lindsay Lohan Story...from a guy's perspective

    “So one night I was totally wasted and I took this girl home from the bar. She wasn’t all that hot but it seemed like she was into EVERYTHING. As soon as we got to my apartment we started having crazy sex and it was great, but my god, eventually it just got exhausting. She was still talking nonstop when I fell asleep. Anyway, in the morning I got her a cab and it all seemed ok, except man, did she ever have the crazy-eyes. We exchanged numbers and I said I’d call her, you know, the usual bullshit for a one-nighter, but I was worried right then and there about the look on her face. Anyway, long story short, I’ve moved and changed my phone numbers twice since then, but somehow this psycho keeps tracking me down and saying she’s lonely without me and she KNOWS we belong together and she loves me so much she feels like she could kill herself and maybe me. But get this: she says she’s an “actress” – yeah right! She’s got a huge ego for an unemployed drifter. And the most fucked up part is that I took her home from the bar because I thought she was around 35 or something, and knew the game, and it turns out she’s only in her early 20′s! Couldn’t believe it. Anyway, I’ve filed for a restraining order. What a fucking mess.”

  6. farty mcshitface

    hahahhhaahahahaha!!!!!
    this lousy cunt is falling apart and YES i AM LOVING it!!!
    no jobs, no prospects nothing nothing nothing!!!!
    cry me a river bitch!!!

  7. farty mcshitface

    thanks phil #4, i will because i just know that she reads this and because i hope she dies, she will definitely kill herself. give me a fuckin break!!!!
    she is permanently fucked up and is going to o.d. no matter what i or anyone else (including you) say.
    all these people who act all high and mighty and get upset when we trash some of these jerky celebs need to get over themselves. this is not some fluffy ass-kissing site!!
    this is where awful people say awful things! – always has been and always will be!!!!!

  8. She needs acting lessons from Chloe Sevigny.

  9. mark

    Producer Cock = $$$ and Movie Parts

  10. Lindsay, Lindsay… To waste of such a great pair of tits on the likes of Sammy….Whats the world coming to?.

  11. JollyJumJuck

    Now that she’s on her own, it will either be porn or skid row.

  12. Jeezy

    Sam kinda looks a bit like a girl. He’s a terrible DJ though.

  13. Jim Lahey

    Who cares about these ugly ass creatures. 2 human cigarettes.

    Is there any way to stop reporting info on these 2 useless, disease infested, talentless, baggy eyed, nicotine fingered dikes?

    Even warped eyes/faced Paris “Bird Head” Hilton is 00000.000001% more interesting.

  14. The Chateau showdown sounds so freaking hot….

  15. bone

    Is it just me or does Sam look like the ShamWow guy in that first pic?

  16. zooey

    oh please… a 4th trip to rehab and well connected (industry) cock in her mouth and she’s back on top again.

    america loves a good comeback story.

    come on linds, you can do it!!

  17. jumpin_j

    Phish, Drea De Matteo? Seriously?

  18. Why would Drea act that way? She’s an old lady. And a nobody. Who let her in, anyway?

    @15 – Lindsay loves his nuts.

  19. havoc

    Isn’t the Chateau like O.D. Central?

    I say take her on a round of clubs then throw her in Belushi’s room….

    .

  20. #16 – I’d come on her back.

  21. dirk

    Suck it Linds — SUCK IT! You need the movies baby!

  22. Jeff W.

    Lindsay’s first suicide attempt should be any day now. Either that or she”ll do porn. I’ll just be happy if I don’t have to see pictures of that exceedingly homely Sam anymore.

  23. still luv lilo though

    She used to be pretty… but now she´s just pretty fucked up

  24. I smell reality show.

  25. Sushi

    She went from cute to ugly within 4 years. Amazing

    She needs therapy very very very badly too. Lindsay is one confused woman.

  26. When Nicole Ritchie shuns you, you really have hit rock bottom!

  27. wet newspaper

    i heart lesbians. i’d do them both.

  28. dirk

    Sam must get that whole boney arm up in there.

  29. Kelley

    She “was raised to treat people well” ?? Is this the same skank who wrote “Scarlett Johansson is a bloody cunt” on a washroom wall when they were competing for a movie role ?? The same skank with Dina for a mother who pimps out her kids ?? Lord God help us all …

  30. Alex

    I know you probably won’t read this – but the “bash Lindsay” stories are getting a little old.

    I’m not a Lohan fan or anything, but she’s pretty young, and people make mistakes. Haven’t you?

    I DON’T think it’s fair to knock acting. Those people entertain us, and I can’t do it well, I don’t know about you. And if it’s really “so easy,” then why aren’t you making millions of dollars doing it?

    The fact is, everyone who reads this site tends to be jealous of the rich and famous, and bashes them as a result. Myself included. Except I don’t encourage celebrities to kill themselves in comments. I don’t encourage anyone to kill themselves. If you’re that hateful, you need to get some therapy. Leaving comments on a website doesn’t count.

  31. whatever

    @ 31 – Wow … I understand the not knocking people who entertain us thing. But what has Lohan done since Mean Girls that has even been remotely entertaining? Her life is a total wreck because she has chosen for it to be that way. And yes, we’ve all made mistakes, but I’m sure you won’t find too many people here that live their lives with one goal in mind … to seek attention. (Do you really think she’s a lesbian? Or did she want to make sure the paps had yet another reason to follow her around?) If everyone is turning on this chick, I’m sure it’s pretty well deserved. If she had any redeeming qualities, she wouldn’t be seeking the approval of other useless people like Nicole Richie. And if your “fact” is so accurate, that would lump you into the same category of being jealous of the rich and famous. I, personally, am not jealous of them. I read this site because it’s a trainwreck I can’t peel my eyes off of. I am just disappointed that there are a lot of rich and famous people who don’t do anything useful with their lives other than get high and party and sleep with anything that moves. Would I love to have a fraction of their money and open up my own business and try to make something useful out of it? Definitely. Would I want to switch lives with the likes of all these emaciated rich celebrities with no shred of a real personality or life ambition? Absolutely not.

  32. Sport

    waste. of. space.

    Apparently no talent eventually catches up with you – look out Kim K!

  33. PunkA

    All part of the plan.

    20 days to the leaked porn tape…..

  34. Really Lindsay tells us more

    I could careless about Lindsay Logan since she has become a real psychopath and obviously need profession help, but I really doubt that Nicole Richie walked by her and said “Uck.”

    I think that Lindsay is hearing voices and is looking for signs and patterns for the meaning of her pathetic life just like in the movie “Beautiful Mind.” I think that Nicole Richie is a also a skank, but not a mean skank just a stupid one.

  35. Charles Lobsterman

    I guess I don’t know either of them well enough (or, you know, at all) to comment.

  36. lohans8ball

    That dude is her dad.

  37. officialwu-tangheadbannger

    Samantha Ronson looks like old pictures of Mike D, from the beastie boys, if he did a ton more freebasing.

  38. officialwu-tangheadbannger

    Samantha Ronson looks like old pictures of Mike D, from the beastie boys, if he did a ton more freebasing.

  39. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Gawd, what an ugly broad.

    Sam, I mean.

    Although Lindsay is catching up with her.

    Rapidly.

  40. TALFORD

    Is it just me or does Sam look exactly like Topher Grace?

  41. Jim Lahey

    Picture 3 of Hoehan remind me of someone with REAL talent, Christopher Walken as Hessian Horseman in Sleepy Hollow.
    http://www.movievillains.com/images/headless.jpg

    That DJ dude/girl looks like a premature chicken in an incubator.

  42. zooey

    #26

    nooooooooo shit! :)

  43. Drea De Matteo

    COME AT ME, BITCH!

  44. Mal Gusto

    “Everyone’s turned on me” Typical addict speak. I hope she dies of a horrible overdose.
    It freaks me out how much Ronson looks like my 16 year old nephew!!
    Does this mean he is gay??

  45. Sara

    I love that Sam’s shirt looks like it says HIV. Appropriate, given Firecrotch there next to her.

  46. whoa

    You know, Ronson kinda looks like a much less feminine version of my 52 year old mom.

  47. haha`

    #9 “mark – April 8, 2009 8:41 AM

    Producer Cock = $$$ and Movie Parts

    enough said. so true. thats how it works.

    those so called friends were exactly that “so called” = FAKE FAKE FAKE

    like most of these kinds of bullshit industries are.
    bullshit and FAKE

  48. The Teacher

    Hey #35. (Really Lindsay tells us more)

    I believe you meant to say, “I COULDN’T CARE LESS about Lindsay…”

    Saying “I could careless about Lindsay…” means exactly the opposite of what you’re trying to say — not to mention CARELESS is an adjective which would modify a noun, whereas CARE LESS is a verb modified by an adverb, denoting an action and the manner in which the action is taken.

    Remember 5th grade English class…???

    You’re welcome…no charge!

  49. hahahahahahah!! Come at me bitch! Priceless, although this freebasing flour sniffer would melt first.

Leave A Comment