“Alright, alright, I’m here. My mouth’s open. Jesus…”
Now that her assistant rolled on her like a rational human being who doesn’t want to take the fall for a ginger baby-flattening device, Lindsay Lohan‘s probation will be revoked once the Santa Monica City Attorney files charges against her for lying to police about who was driving the Porsche that crashed into a tractor trailer over the summer. TMZ reports:
At the time Lindsay is arraigned, we’re told Judge Godfrey will revoke Lindsay’s probation and set the matter for a full hearing, on grounds she violated her probation in the jewelry case by breaking the law.
Of course, to us normal people who live in normal towns, this would mean jail time, but for Lindsay this means another exciting day of picking out a super hot outfit and scribbling incoherent coke words while her attorney makes that face only a had-it-up-to-here black woman can make that lets Lindsay know she’s going to choke the shit out of her once they get in the car. Then lunch at Olive Garden! “We should do this more often,” she’ll say between strangles.