Lindsay Lohan’s Not in the ‘Machete’ Trailer

Because casting Rose McGowan in his last movie led to his divorce, it only makes sense that casting Lindsay Lohan in Machete would cost Robert Rodriguez his career. The new trailer was released Wednesday (after the jump) and it’s magically sans-jail-bound-firecrotch. Except the studio’s acting like it was meant to be that way because she’s barely in the movie. In fact, haha, they don’t even know who you’re talking about. E! News reports:

Now, you may be asking: Why wouldn’t want the studio want to feature Lohan—the only noted name who didn’t make the jump from Rodriguez’s so-called “red-band” trailer to the official one?
From what we hear, there just isn’t a lot of Lohan to tease—her role isn’t all that big.

Of course, this is all industry code for Robert Rodriguez’s out back getting his nuts punched in until he agrees to make Spy Kids 5 because, seriously, Lindsay Lohan? What the fuck? He could’ve spent the entire budget trying to teach a kangaroo to be his butler and the studio would’ve been less pissed. “So there’s no money left halfway through production, but you managed not to cast a crack addict? — I’m failing to see the issue here. Champagne for everyone!”