Lindsay Lohan’s Laptop Full of Naked Photos Just Got ‘Stolen’

January 8th, 2014 // 39 Comments
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Remember around six, seven years ago when “celebrities” would claim their laptops got “stolen at the airport” as nude pictures of them conveniently started popping up on the Internet raising their profile? Apparently Lindsay Lohan just did. TMZ reports:

Lindsay claims her computer was stolen at the airport in Shanghai, China, and she’s offering a reward for its return. In a move showing an utter lack of sophistication, Lindsay isn’t specifying how much she’ll give … she’s saying, “Whatever it takes.” Translation: A lot.
Why, you ask, is she so freaked out? We’ve learned she had a bunch of nude photos of herself. She claims they’re all from various photo shoots that were never supposed to be released.

Lindsay also claims her laptop contains “private correspondences” between Lady GaGa and Woody Allen which, if true, will presumably contain such unpredictable and scandalous messages as “Missing fav coat. Have u seen it?” and, “Will you look Asian and let me adopt you? Then, no, you can’t blow me for a part in my next movie.” No one will look at her the same way again.

Photos: Fame/Flynet

superficial

  1. JC

    She’s just being lazy now. Is it really such a hardship to go to BestBuy and blow one of the blue shirts for an external hard drive? You can leave your nudies at home that way.

  2. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Mic sign translation: Champion dick sucker. Pay with cocaine.

  3. Don’t want to see them unless they’re from 10 years ago.

  4. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    Lindsay: They’re applauding and saying what are probably wonderful things!
    Audience: Why is she ignoring our cries of “PUT IT IN YOUR BUTT!”?

  5. Given they are the Internet’s market saturation equivalent of cats making cute faces, the FBI probably will not be involved.

    • whoah, back up there chief – there’s pictures of cats making cute faces on the internet? and here I’ve been wasting all my time looking at pron?

  6. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    mnsuperbee
    Commented on this photo:

    Rindsay Rohan.

  7. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “…… Wait, you’ve given Chlamydia to Coke kingpins on how many continents?”

  8. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “…. and how many WNBA franchises….?”

  9. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “I wouldn’t put my name on just any feminine hygiene product. The LINDSAY will get the job done fast, and keep you fresh for up to 48 hours…. or 15 minutes with Charlie Sheen.”

  10. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, everybody, Brandon Davis is here!!”

  11. Jennifer Lawrence's Butt Plug Collection

    No one will look at her again.

    There, we fixed the last line for you. Oh, how we wish.

  12. In case any of you are interested in chipping in, I’m setting up a crowdfunding page to pay the thief to immolate the hard drive, on the chance that some of the pics include Sam Ronson.

  13. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The dress is interesting; what’s in it is not.

  14. The Chinese may get a shock that a “foreign devil” as young as her looks like a Chinese grandma with an Opium habit if they look at those pics. Why on earth would they honor her? She gave BJs to all the important Communist Politburo members whether they wanted it or not.

  15. cc

    Lost: Laptop computer. Brand new. Full of nude pictures. Has fluorescent sticker saying ‘Absolutely FREE laptop’

  16. “Shout outs? Ummm sure… say I never miss who? Kakee… and first name? OK got it! Hi this is megastar Lindsay Lohan, and when I visit Shanghai, I make sure I never miss Boo Kakee! No problem. You’re welcome.”

  17. Deacon Jones

    I suspect these will be much, much worse than a simple topless shot. Hopefully its a full movie. With whips and masks.

  18. anonymous

    Hope she still has some of that Oprah money because the guy who returns it will need to accept blowjobs and anal for payment.

  19. lol @ stolen.

  20. Bob

    Third character on the mic: I’m not the only one that sees “BJ” there, right?

  21. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Is Lohan aware the sign says “Insert Penis at Own Risk” ?

  22. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    ” . . . and finally I’d like to thank my gynecologist for not just removing this unknown creature from my vagina but also for stuffing and mounting it on this trophy.”

  23. Translation : “Oh fuck guys, the unphotoshopped outtakes are on there! NOOOOOOOOO!!”

  24. No one cares, she has been nude a million times now. Unless she has a sex tape, any photos of her are useless. If there are any emails from Woody Allen, I am sure they go like this;

    “Dear Lindsay, stop emailing me, you are over 16, thanks, Woody”

  25. Let’s see. I’ve seen her tits and vag, all that’s left is the b-hole. I’m looking forward to these pics now.

  26. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Has the EPA ever designated a single person as a superfund site?

    • Billy Jack

      Yep, they sure have Phil. Herpes Hilton’s “secret hinding place” was given that designation a few years back while she was still muleing for Girls Gone Wild producer Joe Francis.

  27. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Thank you, tiny yellow people, for giving me this cudgel, but no, even this isn’t brutal enough to beat some sense into my befreckled head. By the way, have any of you seen my laptop computer? It doesn’t actually have any parts inside, its where I store my . . . rice flour! Yah, that’s it, its full of rice flour.”

  28. anonym

    she doesn’t have enough money to give out a reward.

    wtf is she talking about.

    besides, we’ve seen her tits already. She has no ass, so nothing else to see.

    Whoever has it, release the pics anyway

  29. D-Bag

    Because…who doesn’t keep a laptop FULL of naked photos of themselves lying around?

  30. her publicists are really grasping at making her seem relevant…Lindsay better be careful, her mom will only hold on to the laptop for so long before she pawns it….

  31. Lindsay Lohan Legs Minidress 2nd Sohu Fashion Achievement Awards
    Guest
    Commented on this photo:

    So beautiful. So sad.

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