Lindsay Lohan Punched A Psychic Because She Drinks Two Liters of Vodka A Day

November 30th, 2012 // 40 Comments
Don't Touch My Man, Bitch
Max George
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Because a Lindsay Lohan story can’t have less than 50 layers of crazy, it turns out the woman she sucker punched in a nightclub is a “well-known psychic” Tiffany Mitchell who claims she had a premonition about Lindsay that you’d just assume would involve her freckled fist flying into Tiffany’s face and, great, now I’m starting to side with the coke-monster. Wonderful. TMZ reports:

Tiffany tells us … she had a premonition about Lohan and approached her inside the club to offer her a free reading … but Lohan turned her down saying, “Give me my space.”
As she walked away, Tiffany’s friend says she heard Lohan call her a “f**king Gypsy” … and it set her off.
We’re told the friend went ballistic — unloading a bunch of insults back at Lohan … calling her a “whore” and telling her “Liz & Dick sucked.”
At that point, Lohan lost her cool and socked the psychic in the eye … and all hell broke loose inside the club. Lohan was eventually arrested for assault.

On top of that, Lindsay’s assistant Gavin – the one who rolled on her after she tried to make him take the fall for her Porsche crash, yet still after all that kept around because by assistant I clearly mean drug dealer – is now tweeting that she needs to go to rehab and is presumably the source behind the latest report that she drinks two liters of vodka a day:

According to sources, Lindsay’s become so stressed by her dire financial situation and the impending probation violation — stemming from her PCH crash this summer — that she’s turned to alcohol for relief.
We’re told Lindsay — who’s struggled with substance abuse in the past and even has a DUI conviction under her belt — would often begin drinking first thing in the morning, and continue drinking throughout the day.
As for the Thursday morning NYC nightclub brawl … we’re told Lindsay was drinking all day and showed up at the Bieber concert already hammered. She continued to drink throughout the night, and got extremely sloppy.

You want to know what’s really amazing about all this? How Justin Bieber‘s handlers entirely shielded him from a crazy bomb blowing up all around him. Not only did they bar Lindsay from getting backstage, I’m almost positive they burnt down half of Madison Square Garden and salted the earth just to be safe. The Secret Service is probably reviewing this whole thing for pointers as we speak. “Check this out: they slapped the kid into some sort of rocket and fired him into orbit as a precaution. Do we have one of those? We should get one of those.”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, WENN

superficial

  1. Schmidtler

    Pure genius – to ‘find relief’ from the myriad of problems she’s brought on herself from being a drunk, she’s drinking more. I’m hoping she dies choking on her own vomit.

  2. Josephus

    I’m being completely honest here…reading that story, if it happened exactly that way, I actually kind of don’t blame Lindsay nearly as much as the gypsy lady’s friend.

    I am also blinded by tits, so there’s that.

  3. Frank Burns

    All my premonitions occur after stuff has already happened too . . . they are tricky that way!

  4. Joanne

    only 2 liters of vodka a day? She’s a punk. I thought she would be on AT LEAST 5 gallons a day by now.

  5. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Mr Pink Ginseng Energy Drink Launch
    Pro-Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    If she spent a year in jail where she couldn’t get her hands on any drugs, She could still come out looking good. I mean her appearance. She could work out and get three meals a day. Find some god of some sort.. But its gotta be now. She might still need vagina reconstruction. Mr. Pink could pay for that.

  6. judgingyou

    Not surprised at all…. two litres of vodka and what else though?

  7. She’s aiming to join the forever 27 club. I know she can do it.

  8. Dick Hell

    Somehow I didn’t need a psychic to tell me Liz & Dick sucked.

  9. Saying “I knew something bad was going to happen” doesn’t make you a psychic.

  10. Lindsay Lohan Nicotine Lungs

    I have a premonition that if you listen to a psychic you’re fucking stupid.

  11. USDA Prime McBeef

    You really can’t sucker punch a psychic. Well unless that whole business is a huge fraud. Which it is.

  12. This might be the most rational thing Lindsay has done in a LONG time…maybe she really is back to normal.

  13. They’ll have to drop the charges now. It’s not like punching a psychic is wrong.

  14. I, like many here, have pulled a full 180 on this issue. There are very few situations where it is inappropriate to assault a “psychic.”

  15. cc

    Shouldn’t the psychic have ducked?

  16. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Mr Pink Ginseng Energy Drink Launch
    Nick
    Commented on this photo:

    I think the psychic was the only one who didn’t see this coming.

  17. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    I’ve like to see if I can mug a psychic. Ever since I saw a burned-out building that contained a psychic’s “shop” I wondered, when she signed the lease, shouldn’t she have seen this coming? Guess not.

  18. kery

    lindsay must be more responsible for her actions she isnt a kid anymore ;p

  19. MissJonesy

    On the up side, she’s having a really good boob day in these pictures, just saying.

  20. Two liters of vodka is a shitload of booze. I was never able to drink that much. But then I drank it straight and I drank very quickly so I went from zero to comatose in about an hour.

  21. drusilla

    Lindsey Lohan needed to be locked up in a mental asylum for a year. She doesn’t need Rehab nothing is accomplished in Rehab anymore what she need is total isolation for a long while.

  22. SJJ

    “Lindsay Lohan Punched A Psychic Because She Drinks Two Liters of Vodka A Day”

    Of course she did… that’s our Lindsay

  23. Kid

    Who in their right mind believes she drinks 2L of vodka a day? Tell me another one.

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