Lindsay Lohan Punched A Psychic Because She Drinks Two Liters of Vodka A Day

Because a Lindsay Lohan story can’t have less than 50 layers of crazy, it turns out the woman she sucker punched in a nightclub is a “well-known psychic” Tiffany Mitchell who claims she had a premonition about Lindsay that you’d just assume would involve her freckled fist flying into Tiffany’s face and, great, now I’m starting to side with the coke-monster. Wonderful. TMZ reports:

Tiffany tells us … she had a premonition about Lohan and approached her inside the club to offer her a free reading … but Lohan turned her down saying, “Give me my space.”
As she walked away, Tiffany’s friend says she heard Lohan call her a “f**king Gypsy” … and it set her off.
We’re told the friend went ballistic — unloading a bunch of insults back at Lohan … calling her a “whore” and telling her “Liz & Dick sucked.”
At that point, Lohan lost her cool and socked the psychic in the eye … and all hell broke loose inside the club. Lohan was eventually arrested for assault.

On top of that, Lindsay’s assistant Gavin – the one who rolled on her after she tried to make him take the fall for her Porsche crash, yet still after all that kept around because by assistant I clearly mean drug dealer – is now tweeting that she needs to go to rehab and is presumably the source behind the latest report that she drinks two liters of vodka a day:

According to sources, Lindsay’s become so stressed by her dire financial situation and the impending probation violation — stemming from her PCH crash this summer — that she’s turned to alcohol for relief.
We’re told Lindsay — who’s struggled with substance abuse in the past and even has a DUI conviction under her belt — would often begin drinking first thing in the morning, and continue drinking throughout the day.
As for the Thursday morning NYC nightclub brawl … we’re told Lindsay was drinking all day and showed up at the Bieber concert already hammered. She continued to drink throughout the night, and got extremely sloppy.

You want to know what’s really amazing about all this? How Justin Bieber’s handlers entirely shielded him from a crazy bomb blowing up all around him. Not only did they bar Lindsay from getting backstage, I’m almost positive they burnt down half of Madison Square Garden and salted the earth just to be safe. The Secret Service is probably reviewing this whole thing for pointers as we speak. “Check this out: they slapped the kid into some sort of rocket and fired him into orbit as a precaution. Do we have one of those? We should get one of those.”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, WENN