Lindsay Lohan Can’t Even Show Up To April Fools’ Day On Time, Tweets She’s Pregnant

April 2nd, 2013 // 46 Comments

Late last night/this morning, Lindsay Lohan pulled her face out of a pile of coke and remembered it was April Fools’ Day, so she went with the most ridiculous thing she could think of: Tweeting she’s pregnant. Or at least that’s the story everyone’s going with because no one wants to even consider the possibility it might be true. There are schoolchildren dodging rubble from drone strikes right now who wouldn’t trade places with that kid. “We’ll stick with being an acceptable level of collateral damage,” they all said. “Just seems safer.”

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    NO! NO! NO!

    Doesn’t she realize there can be only ONE Antichrist at a time, and the Kardashian spawn is it? Where have Grigori and I gone wrong in explaining these things?

    Oh, right, we couldn’t be heard over the sound of coke being snorted. Should’ve taken that into account,

  2. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    tom
    Commented on this photo:

    How come her hands are ALWAYS dirty and disgusting?

    • stevebrt

      Personal hygiene isn’t a priority for alcoholics ,drug addicts and fucking nutjobs

    • Schweddy Snatch

      Crawling around on all fours will do that.

    • Professor Chaos

      Meth users have dirty hands. She had the other sign of a meth-head, gross rotten teeth, for awhile but once some close-ups of them surfaced she had her teeth fixed. Could also be crack, I suppose. Either would fit really.

  3. Jay

    The penis GOES here…….

  4. gigos

    The punchline is that it’s not even a joke. It’s an anti-joke. If she were actually pregnant, CPS would be on her ass before her pee even touched the stick.

  5. JC

    Please. She has no idea what day, month, or year it is. The only conclusion is that she’s actually pregnant. I’m sure the fetus will suffer no ill effects from the drugs and alcohol. After all, it will get a break for the 3-4 hours she actually spends in rehab. Before she leaves without suffering any legal consequences.

  6. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    LiLo: “I’m blowing you a kiss, Mr. Photographer!”
    Photographer: “OH GOD, IT BURNS! IT BURNS! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!”

  7. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    YTBOY
    Commented on this photo:

    Great Legs!!!

  8. GOD DAMN YOU NO-SHOW MAYANS.
    GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL.

  9. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Schweddy Snatch
    Commented on this photo:

    I flew all the way to Brazil, popped out a boob, got knocked up and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

  10. she must have already had the abortion cuz the tweet is gone.

  11. cc

    I can just see Morgan Freeman intoning ‘Ladies and gentlemen, the day we have always feared is upon us’

  12. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    reinhard heidrich
    Commented on this photo:

    mmm not so much..maybe without the fresh bruises….

  13. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Those are some damned ugly shoes.

  14. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    Every breathalyzer within a 600-mile radius read off the scale shortly after this moment.

  15. @lindsaylohan
    Heading off to the set—don’t want to be late! Stopping by the cleaners on the way in— mistakenly took home a wardrobe dress, wanted it cleaned before I returned it!

  16. logan

    April Fools? As with all things Lindsay Lohan, a day late and a dollar short.

  17. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    No Lindsay, you’re not giving Peter Dinklage a bj…you’re just drunk.

  18. Why does every chick think “I’m pregnant” is the greatest April Fools joke ever?

  19. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Hedgehog
    Commented on this photo:

    yes!, cup the balls

  20. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    She knows she can’t get pregnant from a blowjob, right?

  21. Who does she think she is fooling. That polluted body of hers could never allow anything like a child to be conceived. Anything that goes in her body dies within 30 seconds I am sure.

  22. anonym

    Who’s the father? Charlie sheen?

    I feel sorry for the baby

    it will likely be a retarded crack baby.

  23. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    FeralB
    Commented on this photo:

    So there I was tickling his balls and thinking at least I didn’t have to kiss him…

  24. kery

    Oh she is disgusting , a whore :D

  25. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    She is either blowing kisses into the camera to show her love, or cocaine into the eyes of the paparrazi to make her get away.

  26. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    She is either blowing kisses into the camera to show her love, or cocaine into the eyes of the paparazzi to make her get away.

  27. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    Lindsay knows how to work the Mojo.One breath of cocaine makes that person who inhales do anything Lindsay says.
    Just killed a Hobo, and then inhale that breath, “Yes a misunderstanding, off you go! “

  28. Lindsay Lohan John John Clothing Store Opening Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    “Blow” is just the name that its called. You don’t actually blow it.

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