Lindsay Lohan Was Racially Profiled, You Guys

Last week, Lindsay Lohan made her way back to the U.S. after trying to flip her questionable stint as a Turkish propaganda machine into a good old fashioned charity scam. She also “worked with refugees,” but mostly just gave them energy drinks and equated cutting her finger with being chased out of your country while terrorists murder everyone you know and love. They’re practically the same thing!

Which brings us to this morning where Lindsay doubled down on her refugee-like struggle by pulling this story directly out of her freckled anus. Us Weekly reports:

Lindsay Lohan claims that she was racially profiled while at Heathrow Airport in London. The Mean Girls alum opened up about the incident during an appearance on Good Morning Britain on Tuesday, February 21.
“When I was flying to New York recently I was wearing a headscarf and I got stopped at the airport and was racially profiled for the first time in my life,” Lohan, 30, told cohosts Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid. “[The agent] opened my passport and saw Lindsay Lohan and started apologizing but said, ‘Take off your headscarf.'”

Without even getting into the fact that Lindsay Lohan is so pale that the only reason security would approach her is to make her stop reflecting the sun into people’s goddamn faces, let me tell you exactly when I knew this story was bullshit:

It came out of Lindsay Lohan’s mouth.

And I bet you thought I was going to say the part where someone actually recognized her, but that’s giving her way too much credit. Because at this point, we seriously have to reconsider fundamental facts like is there even a place called London? Have humans harnessed the power of flight? Is our reality just a speck of cocaine waiting to be snorted into existence? I’ll be under my desk.

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