It’s The Trailer For ‘The Canyons’ Starring Lindsay Lohan As Pretty Much Lindsay Lohan

Here’s the first teaser trailer for The Canyons starring Lindsay Lohan and porn star James Deen that was literally shot in four weeks for about $5 because she’s in the middle of a comeback, you guys. Anyway, if the faux-60s vibe doesn’t make you immediately stop this thing (and rightfully so), notice how unlike the trailer for Liz & Dick, you never hear Lindsay Lohan say a single word because her voice only has one tone now and it’s “Middle-Aged Truck Stop Waitress With Emphysema Who Lost The Ability To Emote On The Tip Of A Drug Dealer’s Penis A Long, Long Time Ago, Sweetie- A Hack Hack! ‘Scuse Me. Coffee?”