Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Virus’ Is Excuse To Get Out Of Jail, And There It Is

Even though Lindsay Lohan took her community service super serious, you guys, to the point of personally embalming Whitney Houston’s corpse when she was at the LA County Morgue, it turns out she blew off the other half of it, because realistically did anyone expect her to do even that much? I’m genuinely impressed. Via TMZ:

She was required to perform 240 hours of community service, but on November 6, 2014 — when she was required to show proof of completion — her lawyer, Shawn Holley, told hizzoner LiLo had completed nearly HALF the hours.

And that’s where the mosquito virus lie comes in:

… the community service center in London was closed for 2 weeks during the holidays and she ended up in the hospital with a mosquito virus. Here’s the problem … she got the virus while vacationing in Bora Bora, instead of putting in her time.

That means either her judge would have to not understand how calendars work — which in the LA county legal system is a distinct possibility — or Lindsay’s lawyer will have to summon the deepest, darkest, churning bullshit from which her core is made to spin this into a believable excuse. “You see, your honor,” Holley pressed, “In the United Kingdom, it’s customary for the holiday festivities to begin a full two months before they do here in the states. Tradition calls for a spotted red harlot to drive a double decker bus through the streets of London, blowing all who board, man, woman, and child alike, until the entire city’s been fellated. Only then can the famed Mosquitios Noel be released into the streets amongst which dancing and joyous celebration occurs.”

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