The IRS Seized Lindsay Lohan’s Bank Accounts

December 3rd, 2012 // 67 Comments
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Lindsay Lohan supposedly made $2 million this year, so naturally she used none of it on her $233,904 tax bill even after Charlie Sheen paid half of it and now the IRS has seized her bank accounts. Fortunately the joke’s on them because a napkin with “I.O.U. 1 Blowjob” written on it isn’t real money. Haha! Every time… TMZ reports:

The IRS has given Lindsay ample time to pay up — but the Man’s tired of waiting … so we’re told the IRS has seized ALL her bank accounts in order to settle her debt.
Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ, she’s in full-on panic mode about her financial situation, and is desperately trying to make some cash to get out of the red.

What’s great about this story is Lindsay spent the entire weekend claiming she was going to hire a private investigator to prove the psychic she punched at a nightclub is part of some grand conspiracy to make it look like Lindsay Lohan punches people. This thing goes straight to the top:

According to our sources, Lindsay has hired a P.I. to look into Mitchell and see if she has any criminal past or if she’s done anything like this before. We’re told Lindsay wants to dig up as much info on Mitchell as she can so she’s ready should Mitchell pursue the case in civil court.

If only there was some way for Lindsay to earn the money she needs to clear her name and not live on the streets. Something she could do in exchange for money that doesn’t require working a real job or being sober. Just give her a minute to think, I’m sure it’ll come to her.

Photo: Splash News

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  1. grobpilot

    What a bag of head cheese

  2. This story just made my week! AMAZING!!

  3. I wonder if she writes in the memo portion of her checks. Like, “For Cocaine,” or “For Dina’s cocaine,” or “Bribe for girl I beat up whilst high on cocaine.”

  4. I Can hear the porn industry calling her now!

    • Archie Leach

      The thought of crackhans methed-out exposed body is gag -inducing.

      • Guest

        She’s obviously still strung out and destined for porn. Unless she goes the way of secretly servicing the famous has-beens and charging either blow or $.
        I would feel sorry for her, but she has had everything handed to her multiple times and has still fucked up.

  5. judgingyou

    Damn IRS, making this shit up about sweet Lindsay, all lies, it’s all lies I say!

    The only real question I have is which Lohan will release the huge tell-all first?

    • adm.fookbar

      right now an entire galaxy of ghost writers are updating with new chapters daily.

      after she dies, mom and dad’ll have over 9000 choices to pick from and its a race to the printer. i dunno what leadtime on a book printing is in this modern age, but you’ll find out when she finally dies. 45 days?

  6. I love it when other people are in more trouble with the IRS than I am.

  7. Sell your vodka futures.

  8. I can smell a porn career around the corner. It’s a good way to make lots of money real fast doing what she’s doing in real life anyway. I’ve been waiting for this for over ten years now.

  9. Lindsay Lohan Texting
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “@IRS: Y U a h8er? BJ fix all? JK lulz! #notreallykidding”

  10. O.o

    Well she had it coming i guess…
    and ofcourse the leeches that are her parents wont help her out on this, neither will any of her so called “friends”…
    so she has about 3 options on what to do

    1) overdose herself
    2) do porn like was said already by many of you ;P
    3) be in complete denial, and act like the IRS is to blaim

    would say accept it and just take the jail card but we all know that wont happen… .

    • You do get that the “people” who stand in place of “parents” in the girls’s life are as or quite possibly more responsible for than this than Lohan herself, right? “Helping” her has never been particularly high on their daily To Do list.

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        ain’t nobody more responsible for your own fuck-ups than yourself.

      • Schmidtler

        Maybe so, but I still derive endless joy blaming Barack Obama instead.

      • True. But she is dealing with parents so utterly toxic they could only be believable in reality. They would transcend fiction; the writer would be called either lazy or untalented for creating such purely one dimensional, unsympathetic trash.

        I just can’t help but pity someone under such circumstances who is clearly going to die soon, and will never know anything but wretched fuckupedness.

      • I’m sure seizing her empty bank accounts was totally worth the $100K or so that the process cost in IRS employee and court time.

        We all know there’s only one way Lindsay will be able to pay that bill, and it doesn’t involve “acting”…unless you include acting like she enjoys the taste of IRS agent dicks.

      • I can’t imagine that currency has much value these days.

      • Hey, Dude, at ten bucks* a “pop,” that can really start to add up!

        * ten bucks = Special Holiday Rates. Regular price is $7.50.

      • EricLr

        They help all the time. Just yesterday they helped themselves to several more minutes of fame at their daughter’s expense.

  11. What an idiot

    I wonder if she tries to write off the costs of cocaine, booze & giving random dudes blowjobs in dark alleyways as “expenses”…

  12. Alex

    Dear Lindsay,

    You are on your own. We can’t bail you out of Federal responsibilities. But please do give us a call if you happen to go on another Carmageddon and a few pesky strollers get in the way. Can’t wait for another trial and drinks! Maybe even some lines!

    Toodles,

    Los Angeles County

  13. cc

    I wouldn’t worry if I was her. The residuals from ‘Liz and Dick’ will start rolling in and she’ll be able to pay the IRS off with interest.

    Failing that…’Lez and Dick’ will be her next role.

    • Pat C.

      There’s a difference between “will be able to” and “will do”. By the time she gets a check, she’ll probably have forgotten that she’s supposed to pay IRS.

  14. achilles wrath

    Didn’t she just pay her moms mortgage off or something? A tax bill should be right up there with that.

    (and, yup, I’m ashamed how much shit I learn on this site, I only come for the pics!)

  15. Brian

    She’ll OD/attempt suicide in the near future. Bitch has nowhere left to go since she refuses help.

    • judgingyou

      I doubt either would be effective, she’s disturbingly resilient. Although, it’s not like the help is coming from competent people…

    • Archie Leach

      If I recall, the IRS doesn’t give up after death. I believe the IRS looks at any financial resources that are connected to crackhan, which means they’ll be going after a lot of coke dealers.

  16. She’s going to be 27 next year. Sad that she’s going to get lump with Morrison, Hendrix, Cobain and Joplin.

    • adm.fookbar

      No she’s not. She hasn’t produced anything of note except Mean Girls a decade ago.

      Her own parents will forget her once the residuals dry up.

      • Joaquin ingles

        We can at least expect a nauseating round of idolatry at the Oscars, on the TV rags, etc. Good thing I don’t watch any of that shit.

      • adm.fookbar

        She’ll get a flash of a picture at the Oscars, other than that, again.. no one cares. She’s basically a B list actress of no note.

        That, really, is the punchline to this entire fucking joke that we’ve been subjected to by the press, her family, and her. She really isn’t anyone important at all: A Mouseketeer with a couple starring roles over a decade ago and a great set of tits.

      • @fooky
        – and a great set of tits over a decade ago.
        There fixed it for ya. :)

      • Joe McCraft

        B list? she would have to rise to that level first.

      • That’s why it’s sad, that some dumb ass news anchor is going to lump her shitty musical career with the greats that all died at 27.

      • ChaCha

        She could very well end up being the Keith Richards of crappy, used up former child stars.

  17. Blowjobs – They’re not just for making rent!™

  18. Bane

    Any one of us would be sitting in prison for just one of the crimes she’s committed. It’s BS how they keep bouncing her back on the streets.

  19. At last, she’s run afoul of an uncharmable, unpersuadable, humorless, soulless entity that doesn’t care Who She Is. Yay, consequences!

    If she were pitched into federal prison for a few years, do you think she’d come out of it normal-lipped and -cheeked, sober, and divorced from her parents? Acting, schmacting — she could write a book about her escapades, option it and retire. Or would my not-so-secretly-persistent fantasy that she gets straight at last be crushed under the magnum of vodka she would consume on the day of her release?

  20. joe

    Can you say rock bottom? Nope either can I.

  21. Schmidtler

    The IRS uses this tactic against mafia and drug cartel guys – freeze all their accounts, they get pissed off when they have no cash for anything, pissed off people usually lose their tempers, and start spouting off in a rage, eventually blabbing about shit that gets them in infinitely more trouble than whatever shit the IRS had on them in the first place. This will be funny as balls!

  22. theoriginal LJ

    It sounds like that $100,000 check from Charlie Sheen never made it to the IRS.

    If the IRS got a 50% payoff (assuming she’d throw in $15K on her own) of what she owed last week they wouldn’t have taken this step.

    Charlie’s check must have been used to pay off the coke dealers.

  23. Inmate 12236969

    Hey pay up bitch those fuckers in Washington like to party too.

  24. You guys, the IRS must conspiring with the Psychic to get to her money…Or she was never told she had to pay taxes…Or it’s everybody else’s fault…

  25. gregsuarez

    Decision 1: Hustler, Penthouse, or Vivid

    Decision 2: Solo, boy-girl, or girl-girl

    Prediction: Vivid, solo

    What I want: Vivid, girl-girl

  26. anonym

    fucking no talent girl can still make $2 million a year ?

    The world is fucking unfair.

  27. MissJonsey

    She should just give birth to nine children at once and call it a day.

  28. Jack Ketch

    The thought of that many freckles is highly disturbing.

  29. logan

    Should have known the feds were watchin Lindsay. Didn’t you say you were backing Mitt. lol Dumb ass.

  30. Lindsay Lohan Texting
    mr. fuck you
    Commented on this photo:

    what’s horrifying is that this is the best she’s looked in years

  31. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m pretty fed up with this shit. Why the hell don’t they leave her alone?

    They don’t make anyone else pay taxes, do they? NO!…Oh, wait. They do? Ohhhh…never mind!

  32. Lindsay Lohan Texting
    Bouncy Castle
    Commented on this photo:

    Would you take the job, if you were a PI, and it was all over the media that your potential client hasn’t got a pot to piss in?

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