Lindsay Lohan’s Ankle Monitor Went Off

June 2nd, 2011 // 44 Comments

“Must.. jam.. butter knife.. in.. green.. wire..”

So, remember last year when Lindsay Lohan had to wear a SCRAM device and it went off every five minutes because she’s a fucking idiot? You’ll never believe how things are going with her house arrest. Via The LA Times:

The “Mean Girls” actress is required to wear an ankle monitoring device that randomly checks via a base unit that she is within the premises of her home. Law enforcement sources told The Times that her monitoring unit went off Tuesday, though it’s unclear why.
Steve Honig, a spokesman for the actress, said in a statement to the Times, “They came as part of standard procedure to make sure the monitoring equipment was working properly.”

For the record, Lindsay’s house arrest is probably the biggest joke in the history of law considering she’s allowed to have however many visitors she wants whenever she likes, and she doesn’t even to have to take drug tests. So, of course, she’s going to try and leave after barely two weeks, and then blame it on faulty equipment. And has anyone noticed how Lindsay always seems to get the shittiest monitoring device available? Seriously, it’s only a matter of time until she starts telling people her anklet’s secretly a teleportation device because the judge is out to get her. “I swear to God, I was just sitting in my room quietly writing poetry about the beauty of sobriety and BAM! Suddenly, I’m at Marmont trying to stop this stupid anklet from ordering the vodka I like. It’s so unfair!”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. too bad it doesn’t have a hidden cam up top. the stories it could tell then

  2. Any Guy

    as skanky as this bitch is, she’s got a GREAT set of tits. damn.

  3. cc

    The truth is the police don’t give a damn and actually taped a garagedoor opener to her leg. When they say it ‘goes off’ they really mean is that it opens Nicholas Cage’s garage and he runs outside to check which one of his cars is being repossessed.

  4. Lindsay Lohan Ankle Bracelet
    oj
    Commented on this photo:

    Bingo!!

  5. Abby Normal

    Isn’t the normal reaction of a trapped Lohan to chew it’s foot off? WTF Linds, get with the program!

  6. Hugh Gentry

    what a stupid cunt. She needs to spend a year or two in jail.

  7. I hear it’s wired so that every time it goes off her dad is programmed to kick the vagina of the woman closest to him.

  8. Deacon Jones

    Maybe her ankle monitor went off because it cummed all over itself.

  9. It had to be said

    I can’t even remember what she did that (a) made her famous, or (b) caused her periodic bouts of police monitoring.

  10. Being confined to home, Lindsay has very little to do except have company. This ankle monitor was obviously not built to withstand intense and prolonged periods of being pounded against her ear.

  11. I_HEART_HUCKABEES

    Why don’t they stop saying “The Mean Girls star” every time they refer to this useless whore? How long ago was “Mean Girls” now…almost 15 fucking years? And she hasn’t done ANYTHING of note or value since.

  12. Lindsay Lohan Ankle Bracelet
    AW
    Commented on this photo:

    How is sitting on your roof top, watching your 3D TV, while having visitors & railing lines off a copy of mean girlz anything like JAIL?

  13. You know what my favorite prank of all time is? Seeing how many college men can fit fully inside Lindsay’s vagina. Did I say Lindsay’s vagina? I meant phone booth? Wait, did I say phone booth? I meant Paris’s vagina.

  14. Venom

    Clearly the ankle monitor could not handle her hotness.

  15. probably

    Can we all just put an end to this lindsay lohan coverage? as much fun as it is to laugh at a hollow, ignorant, spoiled bitch tumbling towards her inevitable death, it feels like its getting to a point where all the stories are the same. She gets arrested, disciplined, sent to rehab, undermines all the authority around her trying to help and just goes back to where she was before.

    It’s the same story over and over again. It’ll be more interesting to read her obit.

  16. Gadeval

    I like the Lindsay Lohan coverage as much as I like watching train wrecks, which I am still patiently waiting for. When is this chick going to be homeless and on the streets sucking $^$^* for cocaine. I want to see the end of this ordeal.

  17. She needs to be upgraded to the model of monitor used in “The Running Man”.

  18. stratacat

    Stupid bitch sabotaged my celebrity death pool. She seriously makes me question Darwin’s theories.

  19. LaRue

    Why do they keep referring to her as the “Mean Girls actress”? First of all, she hasn’t been an actress in years, and Mean Girls was released in 2004….SEVEN YEARS AGO. I think it’s time to lay that one to rest.

  20. I would slip that ankle monitor off while positioning her legs over my shoulders and wraping them around my head.

  21. Lindsay Lohan Ankle Bracelet
    Kristina
    Commented on this photo:

    please tell me im not the only one who sees that nip.

  22. the captain

    so this tricky thief has found her way back?

  23. imabrat

    Waiting for the final episode in the Lohan diaries.

  24. Veronica

    What the fuck good is America if you can’t even manage to lead the likes of this up the green mile?

  25. Cuthbert

    While I take great pleasure in her downfall, I have to say that from personal experience, this is nothing. I was on house arrest for 6 months and it went off falsely about once every two weeks.

    Not saying she didn’t do anything wrong, she probably did, but this situation itself in particular isn’t a big deal.

  26. herbiefrog

    still think the tunnel is the best idea…

    just move the base station nearer the tunnel entrance…

    the old “heater on a moveable flagstone” still works…
    …the great escape mark II

  27. bam

    love how she’s famous for a movie made 7 years ago!

  28. Lindsay Lohan Ankle Bracelet
    yowillie
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d love to give her a pearl necklace.

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