Lindsay Lohan Got Dumped Already

The Superficial / September 25, 2013

Exactly one week ago today, Lindsay Lohan’s team decided to issue a press release about her relationship with former Philadelphia Eagle Matt Nordgren, a good, sober, Christian boy, so clearly she’s on the right track. Except they broke up already. Us Weekly reports:

“Their work schedules and the distance just make dating impossible,” the source says of the Canyons actress, 27, and the clean-cut Texan, 30. “He really likes and respects her. He thinks she is back on top, emotionally and physically.

“And for the record, no I am not Dina Loh- Cody! I said gin not vodka. Goddamn ki- click,” is how I’m sure the rest of that conversation went. As for what really happened to Matt and Lindsay, like I mentioned before, he’s rich, and she has the ability to blow men so hard they lose their minds and give her all their money. But you gotta be careful not to overdo it. The mind’s a fragile instrument.

“And… hock-tooey. Alright, now give me the bank codes. — Matt? Hello, Matt?”
“Pbbbbbtttttt….” *slumps over*
“No, not again. MOM!”

Photos: Splash News