Lindsay Lohan Got Dumped Already

September 25th, 2013 // 21 Comments
This Should End Well
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Exactly one week ago today, Lindsay Lohan‘s team decided to issue a press release about her relationship with former Philadelphia Eagle Matt Nordgren, a good, sober, Christian boy, so clearly she’s on the right track. Except they broke up already. Us Weekly reports:

“Their work schedules and the distance just make dating impossible,” the source says of the Canyons actress, 27, and the clean-cut Texan, 30. “He really likes and respects her. He thinks she is back on top, emotionally and physically.

“And for the record, no I am not Dina Loh- Cody! I said gin not vodka. Goddamn ki- click,” is how I’m sure the rest of that conversation went. As for what really happened to Matt and Lindsay, like I mentioned before, he’s rich, and she has the ability to blow men so hard they lose their minds and give her all their money. But you gotta be careful not to overdo it. The mind’s a fragile instrument.

“And… hock-tooey. Alright, now give me the bank codes. — Matt? Hello, Matt?”
“Pbbbbbtttttt….” *slumps over*
“No, not again. MOM!”

Photos: Splash News


  1. Lindsay…golf ball….garden hose.

  2. Goose

    Spitters don’t get bank codes

  3. dtx

    this guy is a social climber who definitely does drink and runs around dallas like he owns the place. he doesn’t work and lives off of his dad and supposed businesses while sneaking around with club rats. anyone from the dallas social scene can attest. good riddance.

  4. Will she ever find Mr. Right?

  5. Lindsay Lohan Madonna Secretprojectrevolution Debut
    Commented on this photo:

    While Lindsay enjoys New York, Matt Nordgren repeatedly mumbles “unclean, unclean” and frantically scrubs his body whilst taking a bath in a giant vat of holy water located beneath a Texas monastery, trying to remove the filth, trying to remove the horror . . .

  6. Lindsay Lohan Madonna Secretprojectrevolution Debut
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    A bun in the oven?

  7. “Got dumped”

    You spelled “fired” wrong

  8. DAMN. I was hoping for a cancelled reality show. Foiled again!

  9. anonymous

    Everyone knows you bang the hookers, you don’t date them.

  10. Lindsay has a work schedule? Are we back in 2004?

  11. Lindsay Lohan Madonna Secretprojectrevolution Debut
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s sweet that Lindsay Lohan, after all she’s put her through, is still willing to pose for a picture with her daughter.

  12. Tom Cruise's Magical Penis

    With that outfit and that hat she looks she could play Patty Hearst if Patty Hearst had done porno.

  13. Sadly, it’s getting to the point that blowjobs from Lindsay Lohan are losing their currency value. That’s inflation for ya!

  14. tom

    Those PR reports are truly ridiculous, like anybody would believe that bullshit.

  15. anonym

    damaged goods. No one wants this dumb skank except for a quick titty fuck. And for masochists, maybe to contract some STDs

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