There Is Another… Lohan… Again

January 31st, 2013 // 88 Comments
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Speaking of children who have no business existing, while Lindsay Lohan spent yesterday in court watching her new lawyer perform such dazzling legal maneuvers as “This here’s my lucky rabbit’s foot” and “Lookin’ beautiful today, ya honah,” (No really.), her dad was learning that 8,567 kicks to the vagina still isn’t enough to abort a pregnancy as he watched Kate Major give birth to the latest bastard that will put him in jail for unpaid child support. TMZ reports:

We’re told Kate gave birth to a son — Landon Major Lohan — at 11:39 AM PT.
The baby weighed in at 19 3/4 inches, 7 lbs 5 oz … and is already wanted in 3 states (kidding!).
We’re told Michael was with Kate the entire time … and even cut the umbilical cord.

“Wait, wait, dad, just a little bit higher with those scissors. Higher… higher… now.”
“But, son, that’s your neck. The cord’s way down he-”
DO IT.

Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Brooke

    …Britney?

  2. Deacon Jones

    She should do the kid a favor and pull a “300″.

  3. Is this guy sniffing his pits? What’s going on here?

  4. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    I think this means she will either die in a car crash or commit suicide.

  5. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    karlito
    Commented on this photo:

    ” i can’t believe i sucked that wrinkly dick and swallowed his gin soaked load for this crappy performance”. ” i’m fucking doomed”!!

  6. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    He certainly doesn’t look very lawyer-y.

  7. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    karlito
    Commented on this photo:

    “heh judge can i lick your twat and you’ll let me go”

  8. Landon Lohan? Did they even consider the two names put together or did they simply pull it out of a hat?

  9. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    karlito
    Commented on this photo:

    yup, i think i’m fucked. i guess i’m going to have practice eating jailhouse snatch by sticking my face into a bag of dogshit just to get used to the smell.

  10. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Dina continues to keep a firm grip on her puffy ducklipped meal ticket.

  11. USDA Prime McBeef

    This Kate Major person is like the skinnier version of… er, the fatter… fuck, i dunno… bitch looks like clarissa explains it all.

  12. Welcome to the world, Landon. You’re fucked.

  13. EricLr

    You know, we really should get around to building that huge wall around Jersey.

  14. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Fug and Fuglier … if that’s possible. Just … *barf*.

  15. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    That face is in mean shape, man … lines on the forehead, the beginnings of a turkey neck, double chin, bags under the eyes, sickly nicotine palour to the skin, saggy tits and ass, just fucking all-around gross. Many women in their late 40s are in better shape than this. Hell, their 50s !

  16. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    derp pa derp……….

  17. eyeballs, please say hello to pen tip.
    ugh.

  18. Oscar Madison is more attractive, and has more class!

  19. chris

    Isnt Kate Major only a few years older than Lindsay? Can you say GROSS….no wonder that poor girl is so fucked up her dad is fucking women only a few years older..that is just NASTY…I would DIE if that happened its pretty messed up.

  20. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Somehow I still want her. What should I do doctor?

  21. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    President Vidor
    Commented on this photo:

    Can you imagine this asshole’s pickup lines? Hey, wanna screw Lindsey Lohan’s dad? What a schmuck.

  22. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    somerandomchic
    Commented on this photo:

    All I can think of is the porn version: Wet Dreams May Cum.

  23. richie

    WHY??!! WHY??!! :(

  24. Anonymouse

    Makes me wonder…is that really a “tattoo”, or more her being branded as someone’s property?
    Does she have a new lawyer, or a new “handler”?
    Poor chick is lookin’ rough. I hope they don’t throw her from the freedom train. Just let her fade into obscurity and live a semi-normal life of anonymity.

  25. kery

    That baby has the worst father of the world who is a douche. I hope this kid won’t be an “actor” like linds and become an lawyer or a doctor in the future.

  26. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve made a huge mistake.

  27. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Mister Balls
    Commented on this photo:

    do you spray tan everything but the legs?

  28. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why U no make pretty law words to keep me unjailed?”

  29. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    elephantman
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m screwed!

  30. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Coke bloat? Botox? Bee sting? Root canal? Skank puff? (I made that last one up).

  31. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Jack Ketch
    Commented on this photo:

    Who wears fake eyelashes to court ?

  32. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    She actually looks presentable here. 15 years older than she actually is, but presentable nonetheless.

  33. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF? Her legs are as white as snow.

  34. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Mob lawyer!? I think I see four-leaf clovers on his loafers.

  35. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks older than most broads twice her age.

  36. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Janice
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay, Mrz. Lohan, just keep her steady like dat ‘Weekend at Bernie’s” movie. Good thing we can still pry her mouth open – cause I don’t take no Monopoly money for payment, yaknowhaddimean?”

  37. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    logan
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, shit did he just say that? I am screwed man, I am so screwed.

  38. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Lindsay, baby, you are not suppose to blow him until he wins your case!! When will you learn?

  39. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    cagster
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s not to trust about a LOTR goblin with a penchant for YSL?

  40. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, hell…I see the problem. Her new lawyer isn’t even grown up yet!

  41. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “This is so goddamned boring. And it’s really cutting into my leisure time.”

  42. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Thought Bubble: “His weenie is so tiny. It’s fun to suck.”

  43. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ms. Lohan, do you promise to show up for your nest hearing?”

    “Of course, Your Honor…don’t I always?”

  44. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t worry, Lindsay…even if you have to serve a couple of days in jail, your dad “knows” people on the inside. How else do you think he learned that vagina kick thing?”

  45. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Barry’s very good.

  46. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    She just realized she has residual coke left under her finger nails.

  47. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Objection your Honor! What does “probation” mean?”

  48. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    Any coincidence she has the symbol for hazard lights tattooed on her body?

  49. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    What kind of shitty jailhouse tat is this?

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