Speaking of children who have no business existing, while Lindsay Lohan spent yesterday in court watching her new lawyer perform such dazzling legal maneuvers as “This here’s my lucky rabbit’s foot” and “Lookin’ beautiful today, ya honah,” (No really.), her dad was learning that 8,567 kicks to the vagina still isn’t enough to abort a pregnancy as he watched Kate Major give birth to the latest bastard that will put him in jail for unpaid child support. TMZ reports:
We’re told Kate gave birth to a son — Landon Major Lohan — at 11:39 AM PT.
The baby weighed in at 19 3/4 inches, 7 lbs 5 oz … and is already wanted in 3 states (kidding!).
We’re told Michael was with Kate the entire time … and even cut the umbilical cord.
“Wait, wait, dad, just a little bit higher with those scissors. Higher… higher… now.”
“But, son, that’s your neck. The cord’s way down he-”
“DO IT.”
Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
…Britney?
She should do the kid a favor and pull a “300″.
Is this guy sniffing his pits? What’s going on here?
I think this means she will either die in a car crash or commit suicide.
So that means it’s win-win for us either way. Awesome.
That would be merciful. Amen. And I’m not even religious.
That’s horrible! I’m no Lohan fan, but you say that about anyone?
” i can’t believe i sucked that wrinkly dick and swallowed his gin soaked load for this crappy performance”. ” i’m fucking doomed”!!
He certainly doesn’t look very lawyer-y.
“heh judge can i lick your twat and you’ll let me go”
Landon Lohan? Did they even consider the two names put together or did they simply pull it out of a hat?
yup, i think i’m fucked. i guess i’m going to have practice eating jailhouse snatch by sticking my face into a bag of dogshit just to get used to the smell.
Dina continues to keep a firm grip on her puffy ducklipped meal ticket.
This Kate Major person is like the skinnier version of… er, the fatter… fuck, i dunno… bitch looks like clarissa explains it all.
Melissa Joan Hart
don’t ruin my fat girl cupcake fantasies with real names, zaloog.
Lol, sorry.
Welcome to the world, Landon. You’re fucked.
You know, we really should get around to building that huge wall around Jersey.
Fug and Fuglier … if that’s possible. Just … *barf*.
That face is in mean shape, man … lines on the forehead, the beginnings of a turkey neck, double chin, bags under the eyes, sickly nicotine palour to the skin, saggy tits and ass, just fucking all-around gross. Many women in their late 40s are in better shape than this. Hell, their 50s !
Yes indeed! Quite the mess! Did she even shower?
derp pa derp……….
HAHAHAHA!!!
eyeballs, please say hello to pen tip.
ugh.
Oscar Madison is more attractive, and has more class!
http://www.forbbodiesonly.com/moparforum/attachment.php?attachmentid=94314&d=1356397131
Isnt Kate Major only a few years older than Lindsay? Can you say GROSS….no wonder that poor girl is so fucked up her dad is fucking women only a few years older..that is just NASTY…I would DIE if that happened its pretty messed up.
Somehow I still want her. What should I do doctor?
Are you qualified to apply for a job as an LA County Judge?
Can you imagine this asshole’s pickup lines? Hey, wanna screw Lindsey Lohan’s dad? What a schmuck.
All I can think of is the porn version: Wet Dreams May Cum.
WHY??!! WHY??!! :(
Makes me wonder…is that really a “tattoo”, or more her being branded as someone’s property?
Does she have a new lawyer, or a new “handler”?
Poor chick is lookin’ rough. I hope they don’t throw her from the freedom train. Just let her fade into obscurity and live a semi-normal life of anonymity.
That baby has the worst father of the world who is a douche. I hope this kid won’t be an “actor” like linds and become an lawyer or a doctor in the future.
I’ve made a huge mistake.
Nice! :D
do you spray tan everything but the legs?
“Why U no make pretty law words to keep me unjailed?”
I’m screwed!
Coke bloat? Botox? Bee sting? Root canal? Skank puff? (I made that last one up).
Who wears fake eyelashes to court ?
She actually looks presentable here. 15 years older than she actually is, but presentable nonetheless.
WTF? Her legs are as white as snow.
And her heart as black as 3 day old snow in a New York gutter.
Mob lawyer!? I think I see four-leaf clovers on his loafers.
Irish mob.
she looks older than most broads twice her age.
“Broads?” Dude, take a step into the 21st Century.
Check his name, “Peloma”. He is clearly Italian thus the continued use of “broads”.
“Okay, Mrz. Lohan, just keep her steady like dat ‘Weekend at Bernie’s” movie. Good thing we can still pry her mouth open – cause I don’t take no Monopoly money for payment, yaknowhaddimean?”
Oh, shit did he just say that? I am screwed man, I am so screwed.
Lindsay, baby, you are not suppose to blow him until he wins your case!! When will you learn?
What’s not to trust about a LOTR goblin with a penchant for YSL?
Well, hell…I see the problem. Her new lawyer isn’t even grown up yet!
“This is so goddamned boring. And it’s really cutting into my leisure time.”
Thought Bubble: “His weenie is so tiny. It’s fun to suck.”
“Ms. Lohan, do you promise to show up for your nest hearing?”
“Of course, Your Honor…don’t I always?”
**next** grrrrr…
“Don’t worry, Lindsay…even if you have to serve a couple of days in jail, your dad “knows” people on the inside. How else do you think he learned that vagina kick thing?”
Barry’s very good.
She just realized she has residual coke left under her finger nails.
“Objection your Honor! What does “probation” mean?”
Any coincidence she has the symbol for hazard lights tattooed on her body?
What kind of shitty jailhouse tat is this?