Lindsay Lohan Wants You To Believe She Paid To Fix Toilets She Didn’t Clog

December 19th, 2012 // 25 Comments
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Because the Internet is a fancy place, rich with intellectual discourse and pontifications of the day, Lindsay Lohan taking gigantic poops is the big story right now, so let me catch you up to speed: Reports started circulating yesterday that Lindsay not only clogged the toilet in her trailer on the set of Scary Movie 5, but went on a massive ass spree clogging every single trailer she could break into which was all of them because she’s a goddamn thief. Naturally, she’s denying the story and naturally, she’s doing it in the most nonsensical way possible that makes her look guilty as – wait for it – shit. Count it! TMZ reports:

Now here’s Lindsay’s story — she’s telling friends producers were ferociously upset she missed the kickoff day … even though she told them she had walking pneumonia and doctors ordered her NOT to fly.
We’re told when she arrived belatedly, the trailer was a disaster — the shower and toilet were not working … and she had to do her biz in adjoining trailers.
It was only after the shoot that Lindsay was accused of wreaking plumbing havoc and told she would not get her full paycheck … to cover repair costs.
LiLo’s friends say her people and movie honchos went back and forth for weeks before she finally waived the white flag … and tens of thousands of bucks were deducted from her paycheck.

While it looks suspicious as all hell that Lindsay would just up and pay for something she didn’t do considering she’s flat broke and can’t even pay the IRS to stop them from seizing her bank accounts, I always thought people who do coke barely eat and are constantly constipated. In fact, don’t Lindsay and Charlie Sheen only poop once every six years and that’s how we get coal? I could’ve sworn I read that somewhere.

Photo: Pacific Coast News

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  1. “In fact, don’t Lindsay and Charlie Sheen only poop once every six years and that’s how we get coal?”

    Then where do charcoal briquettes come from? You guys are so full of shit.

    • Randal

      First of all, Scary Movie 5 wouldn’t even have a future if it wasn’t for Lindsay coming to save the franchise. And second of all, you think there’s someone in show business who knows it was, for a fact, Lindsay’s shit?

      Do they walk around with a shit detector of various hues and texture that they then cross reference with the celebrity shit-list?

      What a load of … shit!

      Randal

  2. gooch

    Did she “waive” the white flag? Really?

  3. Cock Dr

    At this point in the game anyone who hires, fucks or get into a vehicle with her deserves whatever misfortune that befalls them.

  4. anonymous

    This story sounded believable until the part where she got paid and they deducted “tens of thousands of bucks…” from her paycheck.

    If Scary Movie paid her more than minimum SAG wages to Lindsay Lohan, the producers need their head examined and their studio checkbook taken away.

  5. She must have left a lot of ginger poop in all those toilets.

  6. Lindsay Lohan Scary Movie 5 Set Taco Bell
    Commented on this photo:

    Lets see looks like Taco Bell in the white bag and heading for the toilet , seems like a normal day for her.

  7. mark

    this sounds like something kim kardashian would have a problem with daily. massive, coiled, toilet clogging logs of dung that have somehow managed to forcefully erupt past the matted folds of thick armenian ass-fur, somehow dropping like enormous ohenry bars from a physically stretched to the limit corn wagon.

    • mark

      like a used and abused asshole trying to give birh to a beanbag pillow! – repugnant!

      • Cock Dr

        The K kow has her ass fur lasered off on a bi-monthly basis…otherwise Mark your description is probably spot on.
        It’s almost as though you were there.

  8. EricLr

    To quote Mr. Rogers: “Let this be a warning to all you kids out there. Smuggling cocaine across the border in your ass may LOOK like fun, but do it enough times and you’ll spend the rest of your life taking ENORMOUS shits!”

    At least, that’s what I think he said.

  9. sadIknowthat

    Actually, just so you know, coke makes alot of people poop more. Lots of people cut it with baby laxatives.

  10. I always knew she was full of shit.

  11. If Trainspotting taught us anything, it’s that it’s heroin that makes you constipated. On the other hand, I believe that cocaine gives you the shits.

  12. whatthe

    When a constipated person takes a shit, it is very dense and clogs up toilets. People who have the shits or eat a lot of fiber have loose bowel movements that flush easily. So I would guess Lindsay is very constipated and occasionally drops a turd that weighs a ton like Nibbler from Futurama.

  13. Molbach

    Can we please call her SHIT GIRL from now on? I’m going to post this everywhere until it happens

  14. PinkyTuscadero

    stupid people. she’s bulimic, like everyone in hollywood. she throws up her food.

  15. Lindsay Lohan Scary Movie 5 Set Taco Bell
    Commented on this photo:

    I would still hit it as I love puke and smoke in my mouth as we tongue each other. I love gross fetishes.

  16. inkydink

    i hate her. she’s a worthless piece of crap. spoiled talentless brat whose ass should be in jail. fuck her.

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