Lindsay Lohan Called In Sick To Court, Is A Moron

January 29th, 2013 // 41 Comments
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Now that she’s free of that bitch Shawn Holley who kept keeping her out of jail, Lindsay Lohan finally has a lawyer who lets her do whatever stupid shit she wants. Stupid shit like not flying back to LA for a court hearing tomorrow because she’s “sick” and then being photographed shopping all over New York. TMZ reports:

We’ve learned Lindsay’s new lawyer, Mark Heller, submitted documents notifying the judge she’s too ill to fly. Heller submitted a note from a Park Avenue doctor who says Lindsay has an upper respiratory infection and can’t fly for her own safety as well as the safety of the public.
Heller also submitted an article from the New York Post from January 11, reporting that a flu epidemic has hit the Big Apple.

Wait, hold up, did one of those reasons just say Lindsay Lohan is a public health hazard? I take back everything I said. This guy’s good. This guy’s real good.

Photos: Getty

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  1. MEDAMNIT

    Hey, The court is in California. That sick excuse may work!!!

  2. Big Dog

    Smoking in photo 8 of the TMZ gallery…not to mention she looks like the understudy of Glinda in “Wicked” — only if Glinda suffered from drug addiction.

    • bi chick

      I think you mean Elphaba…the one who grows up to be the wicked witch. Glinda wore poufy pink dresses, just as she did in The Wizard of Oz.

  3. In her defense, she does have a point about how her flying would be a danger to the public. Though I’m not sure if a massive outbreak of herpes among anyone else foolish enough to use the toilet after her would count as a major public health risk.

  4. Lindsay Lohan
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Me no go to jail?”

  5. Lindsay Lohan
    Smapdi
    Commented on this photo:

    “Linday Lohan here with a public message from the Centers from Disease Control. To prevent flu infection this season, get a flu shot, wash your hands frequently, and don’t pay your lawyer with blow jobs until two weeks after he’s recovered from the flu.”

  6. Can you also get a continuance in California if you’re just having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day?

  7. Lindsay Lohan
    Bionic_Crouton
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m sorry your honor. My client has come down with a case of celebrity retardedness.”
    “I’m special!”
    “See…”

  8. zomgbie

    so she is telling the judge she cant be in court for lying to the police because she is sick.
    damn.
    just-
    damn.

  9. Shawn Holley must be laughing her ass off.

  10. logan

    Doesn’t really matter. Judge would just pat her on her flea ridden head and tell her to go home and take her meds. We will meet on a more convenient day. slug

  11. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    Some jail time is the exact thing that she needs. It’s the perfect thing to get rid of her snotty, entitled attitude.

  12. Enidaj

    Dear California legal system,

    Please put this fool in jail if you don’t want to be the laughing stock of the entire nation (world).

    Sincerely,
    Everybody
    xoxo

  13. Gary Grant

    Too much blow causes upper respiratory infections.

    • She also smokes too much, so much that her voice is rough … it takes a lot of smokes to do that. She looks like she reeks, filthy and as common as dirt.

  14. inkydink

    She probably is a moron but she sure is good at keeping her saggy ass out of jail and/or court. Bitch could get away with murder I think. She can’t drop dead soon enough for me. Sick of her shit and how she gets away with being sucha fuck up

  15. If she is sick and contagious then they should just throw her in the incinerator, problem solved. I don’t think too many people would object.

  16. anonym

    The judicial system is way way too lenient towards Lindsay.

    I just want to see her in jail for one month, and ass raped repeatedly with a jailmade dildo.

  17. cc

    In other news, a Park Avenue doctor took an extra long lunch on Jan 28th, and appeared uncharacteristically relaxed the rest of the afternoon.

  18. Nate

    A cousin of hers died flying with upper respiratory issues.

  19. Hugh Evers

    The court will come to its senses soon and apologize and this will all be over. I see a book deal championing her “genius” in all of this: “How I robbed, crashed, and fought my way to a clean record while making the entire justice system look like an ass-clown rodeo of total dumbfucks.”

  20. Lindsay Lohan
    meowtrix
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking remorseful: you’re doing it wrong.

  21. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    “Am I fucking amazing, or what?!

  22. The sincere looks of remorse on Lindsay’s face in all of these photos is truly heart-warming. It’s no wonder they let her go!

  23. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    What a little bitch.

  24. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    No, you cannot blow the judge, firecrotch.

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