Lindsay Lohan’s New Boyfriend Isn’t A Billionaire, ABORT

Seen here bonding over their shared love for coat theft, Lindsay Lohan’s new boyfriend Egor Tarabasov is apparently not the loaded stupid, rich mark everyone thinks he is. As for what Lindsay’s supposed to do with all this knockout gas, snort it? Snort it, maybe? Page Six reports:

Egor Tarabasov, 22 — who has been dating the troubled actress since December — is not the “billionaire” or the “business mogul” described by media outlets.
“He’s a trust-fund kid with a day job as a real estate agent. He has a generous allowance, but doesn’t have his own money yet,” said one Russian source.

Turns out if Egor wants any money, he has to go through dad, who also isn’t that rich and is apparently thrilled that the international community now knows his son is dumping the entire family legacy down Lindsay Lohan’s vagina:

“His father is a wealthy man who owns a construction firm and a couple of stores similar to Home Depot in the Moscow region, but he is no oligarch,” said my source.
Dmitry is also said to be fiercely private, and not happy with the recent attention LiLo has brought his family.

Of course, the first clue that Egor isn’t rich is that he’s with Lindsay Lohan. Especially considering the type of woman available to purchase by international businessmen. I’m talking Heidi Klum, Salma Hayek, Miranda Kerr, all bought and paid for. Who’s this guy with? Ginger Titty Gollum, The Titty Gollum Hooker Thief.

More importantly, does this mean Lindsay Lohan wasn’t in the 2016 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue? Because I definitely didn’t masturbate to this. You’ll never prove it. *lights whole office on fire*

A photo posted by Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) on

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