For those of you living full and productive lives unencumbered by the minutiae of counting freckles on celebrity asses, there was some hullabaloo this weekend about Lindsay Lohan being attacked in her New York hotel room by a dude named Christian LaBelle who apparently befriended someone in Lindsay’s entourage for the sole purpose of getting pics of her. Except knowing Lindsay like I do, this sounds an awful lot like her indulging her natural instinct to steal the fuck out of shit then lying her face off. TMZ reports:
According to our sources, when Lindsay and her friends headed back to the hotel Christian tagged along.
Our sources says, later that night, Lindsay caught Christian recording her with his cell phone inside her hotel room. When Lindsay tried to stop him, she saw he had taken over 50 photos and videos and had been emailing them to friends.
According to our sources, Lindsay is not badly hurt — no bruises, but a few scratches — and plans on cooperating with police fully so Christian can prosecuted for the alleged attack.
So Lindsay snatched up this dude’s phone, and when he tried to get it back, she claimed she was attacked and called the police where, wait for it, she demanded he be prosecuted to “the fullest extent of the law.” Lindsay Lohan who can’t even get a parking ticket without calling her high-priced lawyer to blame the meter maid for conspiring against her. Now’s when she wants the law to work. Fortunately, this story has a hilarious and happy ending even though we all saw it coming a ran-over-baby mile away:
LaBella had initially been charged with two misdemeanor counts of assault and two counts of harassment. But the NYPD tells TMZ the charges have been dropped, after detectives investigated further and there was not enough evidence to support LiLo’s claims.
COP #1: So who’s pressing charges?
COP #2: Lindsay Lohan.
COP #1: Oh, yeah, none of that shit happened. Go get coffee?
COP #2: You bet.
The NYPD: We may clip a few bystanders and frisk minorities for no reason, but goddamn we’re efficient.