After the court found her in violation of her probation two weeks ago, Lindsay Lohan was back today for a hearing where it was just the goddamn joke you expected it be. Long story short, Lindsay admitted to violating her probation and the judge basically gave her the choice – CHOICE – of doing a bunch of community service in a specific amount of time or go to jail for longer than the 30 days she was also handed. 30 days that’s already down to six days, and inevitably five minutes of walking past a cell. TMZ reports:
The judge now says ALL of Lindsay’s community service must now be served at the L.A. County Morgue. And the judge gave Lindsay a tight structure on how she must complete the rest of her probation, and if she doesn’t the judge will put a warrant out for her arrest and sentence her to an additional 270 days in jail.
As for the 30 days Lindsay is getting now — the judge made it clear … NO HOUSE ARREST.
The Sheriff’s Dept. tells us Lindsay will serve 20% of the 30 days — 6 days in jail.
Judge Stephanie Sautner gave Lindsay a strict schedule on completing the rest of her probation — by December 14, she must have completed 12 days at the morgue and 4 psychotherapy sessions. By January 17, another 12 days at morgue and 4 psychotherapy sessions. And so on. Everything must be completed by March 29 — or she goes directly to jail for 270 days.
I like how the judge keeps threatening jail time immediately after demonstrating what an empty and impossible threat that is. The fact that Lindsay didn’t choose jail shows what a fucking idiot she is. Talk about such an easy decision: Guaranteed assloads of community service for months on end, or a few days tops of a private cell with your own bathroom? I’m amazed she didn’t cuff herself. “Whoo! Let’s do this! (Can I bring movies?)”
UPDATE: It gets better. The judge delayed Lindsay’s already-shrinking 30 days in jail so she could finish posing for Playboy. No, really.
UPDATE: And it’s official. She’ll be out of jail in minutes. MINUTES.
Photo: Splash News