Lindsay Lohan Basically Got To Choose Her Own Sentence. Oh, Good.

November 2nd, 2011 // 68 Comments

After the court found her in violation of her probation two weeks ago, Lindsay Lohan was back today for a hearing where it was just the goddamn joke you expected it be. Long story short, Lindsay admitted to violating her probation and the judge basically gave her the choice – CHOICE – of doing a bunch of community service in a specific amount of time or go to jail for longer than the 30 days she was also handed. 30 days that’s already down to six days, and inevitably five minutes of walking past a cell. TMZ reports:

The judge now says ALL of Lindsay’s community service must now be served at the L.A. County Morgue. And the judge gave Lindsay a tight structure on how she must complete the rest of her probation, and if she doesn’t the judge will put a warrant out for her arrest and sentence her to an additional 270 days in jail.
As for the 30 days Lindsay is getting now — the judge made it clear … NO HOUSE ARREST.
The Sheriff’s Dept. tells us Lindsay will serve 20% of the 30 days — 6 days in jail.
Judge Stephanie Sautner gave Lindsay a strict schedule on completing the rest of her probation — by December 14, she must have completed 12 days at the morgue and 4 psychotherapy sessions. By January 17, another 12 days at morgue and 4 psychotherapy sessions. And so on. Everything must be completed by March 29 — or she goes directly to jail for 270 days.

I like how the judge keeps threatening jail time immediately after demonstrating what an empty and impossible threat that is. The fact that Lindsay didn’t choose jail shows what a fucking idiot she is. Talk about such an easy decision: Guaranteed assloads of community service for months on end, or a few days tops of a private cell with your own bathroom? I’m amazed she didn’t cuff herself. “Whoo! Let’s do this! (Can I bring movies?)”

UPDATE: It gets better. The judge delayed Lindsay’s already-shrinking 30 days in jail so she could finish posing for Playboy. No, really.

UPDATE: And it’s official. She’ll be out of jail in minutes. MINUTES.

Photo: Splash News


  1. herbiefrog

    good look baby… strength : )

    • Randal

      Even in the face of such sacrifices in which Lindsay has made, she’s still able to look as great as ever, strutting along in a breezy blue polka-dot dress which captivates the eyes to explore her perfect body. Soft, kissable lips beg to be touched and the red hand bag adds a splash of playful color.


    • herbiefrog

      yeah baby… L: )) lets go with the stream… ))

      tmz says… 2 officials we spoke with today say … because of overcrowding they immediately release inmates sentenced to less than 90 days.

      Lindsay Lohan will almost certainly get out of jail in a matter of minutes … this according to officials from the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department.

      Two Sheriff’s Dept. officials tell us … if someone receives a misdemeanor sentence of 90 days or less, they are routinely processed in and then released. As one of the officials put it, “She’ll be out without even having to change her clothes.”

      [we don’t understand all the jealosy

  2. jumpin_j

    How can this judge get disbarred?

    • It’s not the judge’s fault…the judge sentenced her to 30 days, no bracelets, no house arrest, mandatory serve it all, and then said “except as required by law”. if the law requires only 20% of the sentence be served, that’s outside the judges authority.

      Also, there’s no requirement for a judge to hold a law license, so disbarring would be of no use.

    • Donna

      Are you serious??? Apparently, Loho’s sheep place the blame for their heroine’s screwups on the judge. How many judges have it out for this irresponsible, arrogant no talent? Had this been anyone else, we would have been sent to a state prison. But legal hairs are being split for Lohan? This is serious b.s.! How can we get Lindsay Lohan out of lives forever?

    • BrandiLye

      Did you call, Clarence? I’m sorely tempted now…

      • Clarence Beeks

        Yes, I did. Some poor Deputy listened while I went off, telling them Lilo is making a mockery of them. That is is crap, and if her name was Lindsay Sanchez, she would have served a year already.

        After a few minutes of ranting, I thanked him for listening. And the call was recorded, I heard the beeping.

  3. TomFrank

    “Hope Solo” +naked…hey! What happened? This isn’t Google!

  4. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

    Oh, it’s you, Lindsay. Nevermind! What was that? Meth? Try down on Baltic.

  5. Lindsay Lohan Court Probation Reinstated
    Commented on this photo:

    Her cheeks are more sunken than the Titanic.

  6. bob the banker

    The only way to highlight how pathetic the American Judicial system now would be for her to actually kill someone and get a slap on the wrist for it.

    • sobrietyisacrutch

      Well, she’s already allowed to run over babies. Murder couldn’t possibly be THAT much of a stretch.

  7. Clarence Beeks

    TWO WEEKS ago, the Sheriff said THERE WAS ROOM, and Lindsay would serve her FULL sentence. EMAIL the office and MAKE SURE SHE DOES.

    Seriously guys, it take a minute. And you will feel better venting to the Dept.

    • TomFrank

      You could always plant some stolen money and a cellophane bag of PCP (angel dust) on her. You’ve done it before.

      • Clarence Beeks

        LMAO TomFrank!!!! You kill me with the references….it’s why I chose the name (I know it drives you crazy, but I can’t change it- I love it)

  8. Jack Ketch

    Fucking hilarious how she looks like a homeless person most of the time, but wears Chanel to court ? How classy. *do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to an fro … can you tie ‘em in a knot, can you tie ‘em in a bow?* No joke, that.

  9. lolz

    Wait – on E! its saying she’s serving 30 days of a 300 day sentance. That bitch needs to serve at least that if only to get her on the way to sobriety for her own good.

    • stratacat

      are you kidding? drugs are more readily available in jail than anywhere on the streets.

      • lolz

        I don’t think she’d be in general population… but no- I’m blissfully uneducated on what goes on in jail.

  10. Steelerchick

    She could share a cell with Daddy!!

  11. i know her ass isn’t the roundest but i still feel cheated without the shot…

  12. MelonJelly

    I wish people would stop caring about what happens to this nobody.

    • Schmidtler

      and your wish is granted! at least as far as I’m concerned, I stopped caring a long time ago. I only check in on these stories here to see if she’s getting shipped off to the pokey.

  13. TheSledMan

    You know you’re White Trash when half your family is in jail.

  14. Richard McBeef

    Swing low, sweet titty chariots

  15. Frank Burns

    Could all be a clever scheme on Lindsay’s part . . . can you get high from sniffing embalming fluid?

  16. forrest gump

    can somebody please tell me why this failed actress can’t behave like an average american?

    • she does. i mean i made most of the mistakes she made only i wasn’t famous so i guess i didn’t have the choice but to show humility. and for that i never saw a day in jail.

    • BrandiLye

      She’s not quite an average American yet. At least not in her mind.

    • kimmykimkim

      Gump, you don’t even know what the average American is. In fact, I find it surprising that you didn’t take this opportunity to bash Americans. And as if its only Americans that try to get away with shit and succeed. It’s people, dickhole. PEOPLE.

      • TomFrank

        I think you’re all wasting your time. I highly doubt that this loser reads any of the comments, let alone the replies to his.

  17. wtf

    I am being “superficial” here, but damn, I hate that bleached blonde hair and those cheesy sunglasses. She looked so much better with her natural hair color. She needs to be thrown in jail with NO access to drugs and get her shit together before she ends up on a slab in the mortuary instead of doing community service there.

  18. How awesome will that be the day her cellie gets a copy Lilo’s issue of Playboy. Hell, the Sheriff’s Department should distribute them. Then, off to the showers.

  19. Ibin Jakinov

    Just saying: Kim’s ‘marriage’ lasted longer than LiLo’s sentence..

  20. Spmblueeyez

    Are those her boobs…on her waist? I didn’t know an old lady dress would actually turn you INTO an old lady…

  21. Carol

    Actually, by allowing Lindsay to do the Playboy photo shoot, it is acknowledged Lindsay will have almost $1M so she can pay off the back-due bills for the limos, and the fine/penalty in the civil kidnapping charge and all the rest. All the judges and plantiffs know that Lindsay will now have the cash…so the other law suits are going to pour in.

  22. Archies_Leach

    I wonder what her face, tits, and the rest of her body would look like now if she hadn’t fucked it all up with gawd knows what she’s been ingesting all these years.

  23. cc

    Her hair is retreating from the tragedy that is her face.

  24. elephantman

    Does she ever where a bra? Have a little class when going to court.

  25. Lindsay Lohan Court Probation Reinstated
    Commented on this photo:

    Her boobs are collapsing in on themselves.

  26. I think the porn route become more and more likely for Lindsay. She can’t even follow a judge’s orders so what hope is there of her showing up on time on a legitimate movie set? Absolutely none.

  27. aaw

    So if I move from NY to LA, drive around Hollywood with an open bottle of Captain in my hand, run over a few people, do lines of coke off my Hollywood Star of choice & maybe even break into some celeb homes. Will I get 10 minutes in jail?

    • kimmykimkim

      No, apparently you’ll get even less time than that! Cali seems to be the place to go if you literally want to do whatever the fuck you want. No wonder living there is so expensive. You PAY for that privilege!

  28. Venom

    Fuck John Gotti, Lindsay is the real Teflon Don.

  29. Cracker

    Yeah, God forbid that they treat her like EVERY other person who goes through the system anymore. She isn’t getting special treatment. Trust me. I’m not glad to say it, but I have first-hand experience, and there is nothing different about how she has been handled and how anyone else would be handled.

    I hate her as much as anyone, but give me a break. In this case, it’s the system overall, and not Lohans individual treatment by it.

  30. Ted

    Shut up and vote to pay higher taxes if you want harsher sentencing. Like that would ever happen. To lock up nonviolent criminals you need to build additional prisons, staff them, and maintain them. Costs lots of money. You don’t want to pay. So shove your outrage up your prison-showerroom-hole.

  31. Alex

    Apparently the Ultra-Rich Hollywood Jew Club still favors her. Interesting.

  32. anonym

    a lot of women don’t belong in jail.
    clear those bitches out so that Lindsay can serve her full sentence.

    Those women are more useful to society than Lindsay is.


  33. Grand Dragon

    Why doesn’t the judge do the obvious correct thing and sentence this hooker to 91 days or more?

  34. kimmykimkim

    I wish that a speeding baby in a stroller would run over her.

  35. Napoupi

    “by December 14, she must have completed 12 days at the morgue and 4 psychotherapy sessions.”
    Am I the only one to see a problem here ?

  36. Lindsay Lohan Court Probation Reinstated
    Commented on this photo:

    Boobs shouldn’t be heading for the Valley of Elah at her age – and I would have thought in her case they’d have added incentive to stay up north…

  37. Lindsay Lohan Court Probation Reinstated
    Rufus The Cat
    Commented on this photo:

    Madonna hasn’t looked this god in years! Brava!

  38. Lindsay Lohan Court Probation Reinstated
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    C’mon, LiLo! Chins up!

  39. Elf

    Chose her own sentence? Was that sentence “Hold it, only two at a time boys, I only got one mouth!”

  40. Connie

    I wish they would put her in prison for a YEAR, we would all get a break from hearing about this trashy junkie, and she would come out of jail OFF DRUGS!!! Win/win!

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