“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for a convert, I can tell you I don’t have faith. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me pretty handy in the kitchen for people like you, so I was thinking maybe we hit up some homeless shelters. Feed some poor people…”
After Catholicism did little to comfort him after the death of Natasha Richardson, Liam Neeson has found himself considering a switch to Islam which, not to sound xenophobic, means it’s pretty much all over for us now. The Sun reports:
The actor, 59, admitted Islamic prayer “got into his spirit” while filming in Turkish city Istanbul.
He said: “The Call to Prayer happens five times a day and for the first week it drives you crazy, and then it just gets into your spirit and it’s the most beautiful, beautiful thing.
“There are 4,000 mosques in the city. Some are just stunning and it really makes me think about becoming a Muslim.”
In all seriousness, Christianity and Islam are both insanely violent religions that will eventually blow us all sky high to prove the other wrong, however, some of its members are genuinely nice people in search of peace, so it really wasn’t fair of me to suggest Liam Neeson is going to martial arts us all in the dick in the name of Allah. Then again, we have to at least consider the possibility because have you seen the man fight? His arms are eight feet long and nothing but elbow, so I dunno, maybe we deny his visa just to be safe. But break it to him gently because, again, just all elbow.