Lamar Odom Traded To The Dallas Mavericks

December 12th, 2011 // 37 Comments
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After almost being traded to New Orleans – which he apparently only found about after the LA Times called him to comment – Lamar Odom has been traded to the Dallas Mavericks which should go awesome for his “marriage” to Khloe Kardashian considering we’ve already seen how this family of whore-satchels handles moving their whore-asses anywhere but Los Angeles. Fortunately, Khloe has the Good Book to comfort her during these tumultuous times of being insanely rich for doing absolutely nothing but falling out of the same vagina as someone who got peed on by Ray J in a leaked sex tape. Via Twitter:

“For I know the plans I have for u,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper u and not to harm u, plans to give u hope and a future.” Jeremiah

Except Khloe forgets an important chapter from later in Jeremiah:

“And in these end times, man will be tested by the Sasquatch whose haunches will open themselves, inviting man to fornicate, but woe is he who plunders into such a fur hole as this displeases the Lord who promises his good and faithful servants streets of fur holes in heaven. Also take heed not to spill one’s seed upon visions of the sibling of Sasquatch whose hind quarters shall darken the sun, smiting harvest after harvest until devoured by its mother during the Great Tribulation. The older one, you may do as you wish for the Lord agrees upon her hotness, though her whorementations be many.”

Amen.

Photos: Fame, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

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  1. The good news is that Khloe is being traded to the Dallas Zoo. A spokesman said that they are delighted to be getting her because they don’t have one of them. They said people love watching them eat all day and their mating habits involving toe sucking is sure to be a major draw to their zoo. Feeding costs will not be an issue the spokesman stated because the sign in her enclosure will state, “Please feed the animal.”

    • kimmykimkim

      The best part about this comment is the Dallas Zoo is the shittier zoo, so it makes sense. The Fort Worth Zoo is the better zoo so taking in a whorebeast would most likely ruin their reputation. Which is also funny, considering the entire city of Fort Worth smells like cow manure.

      • You got that right Kimmy; Ft. Worth Zoo is the better zoo if you like zoos.

        Nice Cuban. Really fucking nice. Now I have to deal with the Sasquatch and her kuntrashian family. I don’t want those freaks anywhere near Dallas; we’ve got enough now.

  2. JC

    I’ve been told that everything is big in Texas, so Khloe moving there does make a certain amount of sense….

  3. She may well find Dallas less accommodating than LA to those whose claim to — well, whatever bastardization of relevance these hideous people bask within — is based upon a half-kinship to watersports porn.

    Is Fish’s quote above from the book of BlowJob?

  4. Cock Dr

    I’ve gotta hand it to the wookie; she picked a guy who makes her look normal sized when she stands next to him. That’s worth waxing the fur holes.

  5. Khloe Kardashian Lamar Odom Traded
    Hello
    Commented on this photo:

    Khloe is so homely . . .

  6. I’m pretty sure the Lord used the entire word “you”, you lazy douche. Or rather, “אתה”.

  7. kimmykimkim

    Goddamnit! This can’t be happening. Why? Why?? This can’t be real!! Stay away from us you sick fucks! Goddamnit, now I have to move. Real nice, Mavs! Thanks for winning the championship and then fucking that championship right in the ass by inviting Mr. Kardashian to play for you. As if I needed another reason to hate sports.

  8. drunk again

    Which one is Lamar?

  9. occam's boner

    LOL thank you for posting that chapter of Jeremiah…I love the translation

  10. Khloe Kardashian Lamar Odom Traded
    oh i know
    Commented on this photo:

    alright, i’m jumping into the fire here but this girl is NOT as BIG as everyone makes her out to be–case in point the picture above; she looks like the average size woman. i think a HUGE part of the problem is that she insists on pouring herself into skin tight pants and that’s not a flattering look for her….loosen up Khloe’, you’ll look 10 pounds lighter!

  11. rican

    Is bestiality legal in texas?

  12. Venom

    I feel sorry for the people of Dallas that this freak show has now landed there. I am sure the Kardashian family is one of the plagues mentioned in the bible. Khloe is definitely the great beast.

  13. cc

    First the drought, now this.

  14. Bane

    Khloe Takes the West End?

    JHC…..

    We’re going to be seeing that mug everywhere now……

  15. r

    Memphis would have been more appropriate, then he could just wear a jersey with Khloe’s face on it.

  16. But seriously, folks. Lamar’s black and Khloe’s obese. Texas is a much better fit for them than LA ever was.

  17. Khloe Kardashian Lamar Odom Traded
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s always an unidentified item stashed under a table in the bottom right corner saying it all.

  18. That outfit really brings out the gypsy fortune teller gene in the Kloesquatch.

  19. tlmck

    I find it interesting that the local papers have been running this story right next to one about hunters need to be on the lookout for feral hogs. Just sayin’.

  20. 56-James III

    I heard of lamar odom before, he is quite a famous basketball player, but getting traded to dallas mavericks, the 2011 NBA Champs (1st time in history, since DYING to get there first champion under there belt), well, it’s hard to see a well or best player to get traded, and that is way is it, he joined winning champship of the dallas mavericks and it’s hard to keep chandler, I don’t why he had to be traded, but he probably has very success with his old team of dallas mavs.

  21. Dephine

    “…whose hind quarters shall darken the sun”. LOL! Thank you Superficial, you’re very funny and clever.

  22. Khloe Kardashian Lamar Odom Traded
    Commented on this photo:

    Had enough of the Kardashians? Sign the petition at Boycottkim ((dotcom)) Over 240,000 signatures

  23. Khloe Kardashian Lamar Odom Traded
    becky g
    Commented on this photo:

    I love her! She does the natural look so easily

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