Lamar Odom Traded To The Dallas Mavericks

After almost being traded to New Orleans – which he apparently only found about after the LA Times called him to comment – Lamar Odom has been traded to the Dallas Mavericks which should go awesome for his “marriage” to Khloe Kardashian considering we’ve already seen how this family of whore-satchels handles moving their whore-asses anywhere but Los Angeles. Fortunately, Khloe has the Good Book to comfort her during these tumultuous times of being insanely rich for doing absolutely nothing but falling out of the same vagina as someone who got peed on by Ray J in a leaked sex tape. Via Twitter:

“For I know the plans I have for u,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper u and not to harm u, plans to give u hope and a future.” Jeremiah

Except Khloe forgets an important chapter from later in Jeremiah:

“And in these end times, man will be tested by the Sasquatch whose haunches will open themselves, inviting man to fornicate, but woe is he who plunders into such a fur hole as this displeases the Lord who promises his good and faithful servants streets of fur holes in heaven. Also take heed not to spill one’s seed upon visions of the sibling of Sasquatch whose hind quarters shall darken the sun, smiting harvest after harvest until devoured by its mother during the Great Tribulation. The older one, you may do as you wish for the Lord agrees upon her hotness, though her whorementations be many.”


Photos: Fame, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN