Kylie Jenner Is, Like, Totally A Feminist, You Guys

For some background, Kylie Jenner comes from a shit-awful family that thinks Kim Kardashian Photoshopping her fake, surgically altered naked body on Instagram is the height of female empowerment, so it really shouldn’t be a surprise that she thinks of herself as a modern-day Sojourner Truth even though her brain would melt right out of her plastic face if you asked her who that is. HuffPost reports:

I do consider myself a feminist,” Jenner said. “I’m a young woman, for one thing, and I don’t depend on a man or anybody else. I make my own money and start my own businesses, and I feel like I’m an inspiration for a lot of young girls who want to stand on their own.”

If you’re thinking to yourself, wait a minute, isn’t Kylie Jenner only famous because her half-sister made a sex tape with Ray J? The answer is yes, specifically that. But if you ask Kylie, she did it all by herself at the age of 13 because her mother is Satan and fed her children lies for breakfast.

“I haven’t had a dollar of my [mom’s] money for five years,” Kylie insisted. “Ever since I started earning my own money, I’ve paid for everything: all my cars, houses, clothes, everything. I like to know exactly what’s going on and I’m actually quite careful with what I spend. We all are as a family.”

In Kylie’s defense, maybe she hasn’t needed her mom’s money for years. But she sure as shit needed the fact that she fell out of the same vagina as Kim Kardashian and someone to sign off on all the surgeries and Brazilian ass injections to make her look exactly like her. And if that’s an inspiration to a future generation of young women, then we might as well make Donald Trump the president and let him go nuts with the nuke codes. “Don’t be a pussy,” we’ll tell him. “Those states’ll grow back. And you’ll make the mutants pay for it.”

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