Kristin Cavallari Is Pregnant

January 23rd, 2012 // 35 Comments

After being dumped by Jay Cutler days before their wedding, Kristin Cavallari made sure he can’t get away this time because she will not go back to drunkenly banging Corey from Boy Meets World again. And by made sure I mean she pulled a Jessica Alba and went, “Wait a minute, birth control pills don’t come in Fresh Mint…” People reports:

“We are thrilled to announce we are expecting our first child together,” they tell PEOPLE exclusively. “It’s an amazing time in our life and we can’t wait to meet the new addition to our growing family.”

To anyone thinking squeezing out a kid will solve your problems, let me give you the greatest advice I can give you based on years of observing others: Imagine all the regrets, resentment and underlying tension in your relationship as baking soda. Having a baby is vinegar all over that shit. Unfortunately if you’re a women, you read this and went, “My relationship’s different!” And if you’re a man, you read this and went, “Right, but sex.”

And that’s the story of how we all got here.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. Cavallari's Taint

    Wow, nice Douche McBro face in every picture, Cutler

  2. it had to be said

    And Jay gets picked off again.

  3. woody

    pst: Hell’s Bell’s, ac/dc.

  4. maeby

    butt sex. You meant Butt Sex right? That last sentence. Pervert.

  5. Insider

    He always looks like one of the douchebag frat boys in college we’d avoid like the plague/drunkenly make out with.

    BUT it’s a nice BIG guaranteed payday for her so..

  6. hey i want to hv kids coz i want to hv kids, there is no tension or resentment

  7. Cock Dr

    Boyfriend looks like he’s seldom late for the dinner bell, so I will assume he’s got money otherwise why would a Hollywood fame chaser bimbo be messing with him?

  8. Hey, kids are great if you can afford 24-hour nannies. They’re just so fucking clingy for like the first 12-24 years.

  9. Schmidtler

    Jay Cutler sure is lucky! There’s so few women that look good in a bikini and are also willing to marry a filthy rich & famous young athlete.

  10. Baby’s are cool, Fish? Dude, time to cut back on the Irish coffees.

    Oh well, her punishment is having to wake up to that ugly mudsucker’s face for the next .. oh, I’ll give it 18 months.

    • I wonder how many people will read that first line and assume that you’re some kind of baby-hater, and not harping on a grammatical error.

      Except not so much now that I’ve just pointed it out. Damn you, Heisenberg!

  11. cc

    ‘Imagine all the regrets, resentment and underlying tension in your relationship as baking soda. Having a baby is vinegar all over that shit.’

    I am old enough to have many unhappily married friends and divorced friends and I endorse this message.

  12. chris

    Way to keep a steady paycheck coming for the next 21 years Kristen……bravo

    • cc

      I think it might be the other way…this ‘unexpected pregnancy’ has totally crushed her plans for medical school. Poor thing.

  13. Lisatlantic

    Imagine all the regrets, resentment and underlying tension in your relationship as baking soda. Having a baby is vinegar all over that shit. Unfortunately if you’re a women, you read this and went, “My relationship’s different!” And if you’re a man, you read this and went, “Right, but sex.”

    This. This exactly.

  14. Dan

    I have seen this a lot too. All the guys who fucked all the girls in high school and college eventually got “caught” and are now unhappily married and/or paying for kids they don’t get to see.

  15. Lovec

    She’s hot!

    I wish them the best

  16. sc4play

    BEST. ANALOGY of adding a kid to a soured relationship. EVER.

  17. kara

    jesus really? i’m happy to say i’m 26, about to marry my high school sweetheart (yeah, take that hollywood, 10 fuckin years already) & i have a bachelor’s & no kids. this girl is not keeping this dude around just from being an idiot & having a kid at her age

  18. We're Having Sex

    Olivia Wilde is also pregnant.

  19. dontkillthemessenger

    Can we just fast forward to the part about the even split of their “combined assets”? This has disaster written all over it.

    Maybe I’ll be wrong. A vapid famewhore and an alcoholic duh-face’s kid might be normal.

  20. CranAppleSnapple

    That bitch should have been spayed.

  21. Aggie

    The downside to being a multi-million dollar athlete? Entrapment babies.

  22. Kristin Cavallari Pregnant Jay Cutler Cirque Du Soleil OVO
    Nic06
    Commented on this photo:

    whore. that is all.

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