Kristin Cavallari Is Pregnant

After being dumped by Jay Cutler days before their wedding, Kristin Cavallari made sure he can’t get away this time because she will not go back to drunkenly banging Corey from Boy Meets World again. And by made sure I mean she pulled a Jessica Alba and went, “Wait a minute, birth control pills don’t come in Fresh Mint…” People reports:

“We are thrilled to announce we are expecting our first child together,” they tell PEOPLE exclusively. “It’s an amazing time in our life and we can’t wait to meet the new addition to our growing family.”

To anyone thinking squeezing out a kid will solve your problems, let me give you the greatest advice I can give you based on years of observing others: Imagine all the regrets, resentment and underlying tension in your relationship as baking soda. Having a baby is vinegar all over that shit. Unfortunately if you’re a women, you read this and went, “My relationship’s different!” And if you’re a man, you read this and went, “Right, but sex.”

And that’s the story of how we all got here.

Photos: Getty, Splash News