Kristen Bell in a bikini

June 19th, 2009 // 76 Comments

Here’s Kristen Bell vacationing in Hawaii with Dax Sheppard who I basically cropped out of every single shot. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Does Jesus write this blog? And the answer is, no, he doesn’t. I’m just his son who moonlights as a sexual ninja. No, really, ask my exes. They never knew if I was making love to them or already across the room to cry in the shower. I’m that good.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Deva

    First

  2. LordSmellyBlueBikini

    FAIL Kristen Bell. How is obscurity treating you?

  3. Joey

    Mmmm Yes, me likely

  4. Tobylikesit

    You must not set your aim too high then.

  5. Hookah Bob

    WOW she could cut glass with those nipples in the first pic!

  6. DeviousJinx

    She could cut glass with that nose too…eww, big nostrils like that are just ugly. Typically there’s too much plastic surgery involved (ew, Katie Price and her penis), but she could use a little bone shaving.

  7. Booyya!

    I only like chicks who do anal and I bet she’s too prudish for that.

  8. Fapping

    Fap Fap Fap

  9. Josie and her Kitty Kat

    @ Devious: You’re right! Her nose is very Tom Cruise and it doesn’t even look good on him!

  10. Biddy

    Midget Saddlebagggggs!!!!

  11. DeviousJinx

    #12 – True, when the fat on your outer thigh creates a shadow (pic #9)…..

  12. mike

    Nice saddlebag thighs, fattie.

  13. Andy

    She put on her glasses to read the book “A Young Girl’s Guide to Developing the Thighs of a Middle-Aged Secretary”.

  14. Moto Rola

    A vegetarian by day, a meat eater in the sack.

  15. John

    You are all freaking retarded. She looks great. Love how you morons only like the bodies of women who have had plastic surgery to fix every single little flaw. That’s exactly why there is such a problem with women and self image these days. Freaking ass hats.

  16. Mr. Class

    May I please squirt my warm ejaculate inside your tight, lubricated vagina?

  17. She looks fucking fat. What the fuck? She used to be hot. I guess that’s what happens when you are getting banged by some tattooed freak. Her calves look like Brittney’s fat calves. What a disappointment.

  18. big gay al

    YUMMY!!

  19. Rob

    I would fuck the hell out of Kristen Bell. I could care less how bad these photos portray her. I would put it in her butt and hope the anal leakage would seap into her vagina and produce offspring… I can’t think of a more awesome way to conceive a child than anal leakage with Kristen Bell.

  20. Rob

    I would fuck the hell out of Kristen Bell. I could care less how bad these photos portray her. I would put it in her butt and hope the anal leakage would seap into her vagina and produce offspring… I can’t think of a more awesome way to conceive a child than anal leakage with Kristen Bell.

  21. Kristin is looking damn good! I find it hard to believe any guy posting on here wouldn’t hit that.

  22. Derek

    the only thing that absolutely bothers me about her is her eyes…they are too close to each other and she has a lazy eye…i think she’s way overrated..kinda like how brook shields is…too manly for me!

  23. Derek

    the only thing that absolutely bothers me about her is her eyes…they are too close to each other and she has a lazy eye…i think she’s way overrated..kinda like how brook shields is…too manly for me!

  24. Derek

    the only thing that absolutely bothers me about her is her eyes…they are too close to each other and she has a lazy eye…i think she’s way overrated..kinda like how brook shields is…too manly for me!

  25. Tad Bit Tipsy

    Who the fuck goes to the beach to read and play Fucking Scrabble??? I mean he’s reading Manhunter… If you haven’t read that book yet, you might as well go back to the 80′s and start all over again. But I do have to say, when she put on those librarian glasses I had to pause…… for station identification.

  26. ltestington

    She looks great! She is maybe a few pounds heavier than in the bikinni scenes in Sarah Marshall, but she’s on vacation so who cares?

  27. JPRichardson

    Strange combination of a thin torso with small booobs, and fat legs with cankles and WIDE thighs. She’s cute nonetheless.

  28. Iambananas

    Some on, this site used to be funny and now all it is is bikini shots and Megan Fox. You should change it to THEBikiniANDFoxShow.com. So annoying. The writer isn’t even funny anymore.

  29. moondoggie

    thats about the sexiest little bikini I have seen on a celebrity this year.

  30. laqueesha

    WOOOOWEEEE! GIRL GOT A KOOL-AID BODY…

  31. laqueesha

    WOOOOWEEEE! GIRL GOT A KOOL-AID BODY…

  32. zelph

    so, so hot. i mess veronica mars. damn, kristin is looks so yummy! i’d swallow her whole.

  33. James

    She looks wonderful.

  34. titsonsnack

    I would much rather see Dax Shepard than 16 pictures of “generic-girl-wearing-bathing-suit”. He was Frito, damnit!!!
    Fuck.

  35. name

    Slightly above average Nebraska girl.

  36. no

    looks like hayden panettieres body but with the shoulders of a linebacker

  37. Derek

    Rob is right!

  38. Kristen Bell's Slut

    I would love to drape my ankles over those shoulders…

  39. Kristen Bell's Slut

    Also, I am a man.

  40. What happened to **this** Kristen? (See link)

    I want that one.

  41. dawnalex

    I don’t know who 80% of these women are.

    You should just post pictures of attractive women in bikinis and forget about the quasi-celebrity connection.

  42. I think she’s adorable. Although, she has put on some weight. Oh well.

  43. RtSS

    Kristen Bell, (aka Veronica Mars)…

    I would do her any way that she told me to. My life, is simply to please her sexually. My schlong was made specifically to give her pleasure, and the big ‘O’. Kristen, you complete me. Do you like anal? I will spank you, you naughty little girl. You have such a fine, poopchute, it gives me one extra hole to leave my protein shake in. You will guzzle, you will enjoy you pink little love tunnel being pounded, and then finally you will be screaming my name, as I bounce on your dirt tunnel.

  44. Just_As_it_IS

    I only read The Superficial writer’s captions every once in a while. And everytime I do, I see he uses the same words. Always the “then again” resource, or talking about Jesus or some sort of illogical comment about end of days, aliens, or the universe.

    I suppose I read captions too often. I promise to cut way back.

  45. Rhialto

    Good,healthy looking girl.It’s a good sign that she’s visibly satisfied with her body.

  46. captain america

    ………SWIMMING IN A SMOKING ISN’T THAT EASY, folks!!

  47. Samuel

    Ok. I’m officially sick of these “she’s so fat”, “thunder thighs” comments!! First of all, she’s not even average, she’s still SLIM! And certainly not FAT. Wake up. In the real world (and I’m not even saying she portrays it) women don’t have a skeleton like stick figure that makes them look like 12-year old boys. In the real world, bodies have imperfections, curves and bumps, that can’t be Photoshopped away.

    That said, I’m truly depressed that the Punk’d retard gets to bang that thing every night. :(

  48. Pistol Pete

    I would fuck that girls bum. She has nice titties. Jump her bones anyday.

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