OMG, You Guys, Rob & Kristen Are Totally Standing Next To Each Other Like In The Movie!
“I just said, ‘Do me in the car, Rupert!’ again, didn’t I? I am so sorry. It’s a nervous tic, I can’t help it. (Lick my pussy.) See? (Put the seatbelt around my neck.) DAMMIT!”
Back in July, the world learned that Kristen Stewart has been landing roles by letting directors use her vagina as a tuba even if her boyfriend is the most desired sparkle-wiener on the planet. Except unfortunately for the two of them, they still have a movie franchise to promote and weren’t allowed to stay broken up like consensual adults who respect themselves. So here’s the culmination of that sad fact, last night’s Hollywood premiere of The Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn Part 2 where they pretended to not secretly hate each other and the goddamn abstinence parable that they traded their souls for which probably explains why Stephenie Meyer is cackling maniacally the whole time. That or she’s just having a good laugh with Taylor Lautner about werewolves having sex with babies because, holy shit, does that never stop being hilarious. It’s nature’s comedy.