OMG, You Guys, Rob & Kristen Are Totally Standing Next To Each Other Like In The Movie!

November 13th, 2012 // 48 Comments
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“I just said, ‘Do me in the car, Rupert!’ again, didn’t I? I am so sorry. It’s a nervous tic, I can’t help it. (Lick my pussy.) See? (Put the seatbelt around my neck.) DAMMIT!”

Back in July, the world learned that Kristen Stewart has been landing roles by letting directors use her vagina as a tuba even if her boyfriend is the most desired sparkle-wiener on the planet. Except unfortunately for the two of them, they still have a movie franchise to promote and weren’t allowed to stay broken up like consensual adults who respect themselves. So here’s the culmination of that sad fact, last night’s Hollywood premiere of The Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn Part 2 where they pretended to not secretly hate each other and the goddamn abstinence parable that they traded their souls for which probably explains why Stephenie Meyer is cackling maniacally the whole time. That or she’s just having a good laugh with Taylor Lautner about werewolves having sex with babies because, holy shit, does that never stop being hilarious. It’s nature’s comedy.

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Confusus

    These two don’t hate each other.

    To hate each other there would first have to be some sort of mutal attraction and bond, and everyone knows that Stewart is Pattinson’s beard.

    This “relationship” is strictly a marketing tool.

    • Confusus

      Shit, “mutual” attraction.

    • See, I believe you are wrong. I believe you have it backwards. I think Pattinson is Stewart’s beard.

      • Confusus

        I have heard that this coupling is a mutual bearding, but unless the whole affair-caught-on-camera was itself a marketing tool, and I don’t think it was, Stewart likes men at least some of the time.

        Which of course does not preclude the rumors that she swings both ways.

      • I agree with Confusus. Kristen swings both ways.

      • Could be, but if she was just doing the guy for movie parts and such, she didn’t have to enjoy. Strictly business. Which I think leaves it open that she could be full lesbian. Because if she was bi, you would think she would at least look a little happier to be with sparkledick

      • Kristen Stewart only looks looks happy when she’s fucking up her life. Look back to the years she’s been with sparkle-dick. She’s all sour and pissed off. But look at her in the early months of this year when the affair was taking place, like at comic-com, she’s smiling and happy.

        She maybe masochistic.

      • That makes sense. Or maybe for once she was doing something she actually wanted to do. Who knows, but it’s a very interesting theory Zaloog. And true.

      • thespiral

        I always assumed Pattinson is gay, and pretends to be with Stewart to keep the fangirls happy, and Stewart is also gay, and pretends to enjoy sex with ugly old married men to get roles she could never get with her acting “skills” alone. I mean, did anyone see Snow White and the Huntsman? She’s fucking embarrassing to watch.

      • KC

        Maybe she’s just demonstrating her acting skills for them?

      • thespiral

        That’s a good point, and I imagine it’d take very good acting skills indeed to pretend to enjoy choking on wrinkly wang when you’d rather be clam diving. If only those skills translated into doing something onscreen besides looking like a wooden board with a semi-cute human face painted on it.

  2. EricLr

    Sure, dignity and self-respect are great. But keep in mind this isn’t just money involved, it’s a LOT of money.

    Besides, let’s face it, it’s not like either one of these two were going on to promising acting careers outside of Twlight. May as well milk their only cash cow for as long as they can.

    • If Kristen continues letting directors floss with her pubes, she could eventually stumble upon a good role and be respected. Pattinson, though, not gonna happen.

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        floss with pubes? It’s waxed.

        Don’t ruin this for me.

      • Okay, fine. I actually think she looks gorgeous here. I don’t find her ugly at all, I actually find her quite pretty; I just think shes an epic bitch. But hey, maybe I would be too if I had fans following me around calling me Bella and expecting me to act out a movie in my personal life.

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        yeah, i think if she was all chipper and shit and not baked all the time, I wouldn’t w̶a̶t̶c̶h̶ ̶t̶w̶i̶l̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶m̶o̶v̶i̶e̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶p̶e̶a̶t̶e̶d̶l̶y̶ want to pee in her butt.

      • “floss with her pubes”? Sounds delicious.

  3. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The lovely British accent just can’t make up for that flat ironed goofyface.
    Good luck on the renewed romance. I’m sure that will last.

    • Annie

      You know what the sad part is? That he really does love her. So while this entire thing was exploited for money and fame because fans actually circle jerk around their whole boring relationship, I think it’s for real, it’s just not the amazing love story fans think. I’ve gone back and forth wondering if this was all a sham, and the fact that both of them dropped a ton of weight after the scandal and have put it back just shows me that yeah, this all happened and she fucked up. And sadly he’s still crazy about her. And she just doesn’t give a fuck, as per usual. She is going to dump him after this is over, and boy is he going to hate himself then. Just watch. She’s over him and over this entire mess. She’s just playing nice for the release of the movie.

      Those paparazzi pictures at their home and him handing her over a towel and coffee right by the pool, with a love sick smile – so pathetic.

      • pfk

        Annie dear, this is not Celebitchy. Nobody gives a shit about the circle jerk you do in your own boring, jealous mind. Yeah, I’ve seen your dissertations on that site spitting out your deep “disappointment” in Robert, though I couldn’t comment on them as I’ve been banned. I suppose my previous responses to all of those hypocritical, spiteful, angry celebitches were a little closer to home than all of their “whore/cunt” comments put together because God knows I didn’t break any of the stated rules. I guess I made it a little uncomfortable for “Kaiser” since it’s her fan base and all. But hey, it’s all in good fun, right? I’ll admit, it did make for some hilarious reading, and oh so sad reading too..

      • pfk

        I would just like to add that I am quite grateful for Michael K. and Fish.

      • KC

        @pfk Kaiser deletes things all the time. I had a post deleted because I said “I didn’t know that *anyone* liked Mark Zuckerberg.” If you disagree with her you run the risk of being deleted, no matter how benignly you phrase it.

      • pfk

        Oh, I was banned. Before that I had been on the site just a few times and over half of my comments never made it through mediation. I discovered I was banned when my comments started disappearing as soon as I clicked on the submit button. You know, on Celebitchy there were some threads under certain subjects that I found appalling (those were the ones where I usually felt the need to comment) but other threads were really quite reasonable and I learned some interesting things. Because I wasn’t a regular I’m not sure if the diametrically opposed threads had the same posters. I think I recognized some of the names on both. Some subjects just bring out the mean, I guess. Anyway, thanks for your response.

      • KC

        Either she cares enough to lose a bunch of weight or she doesn’t care about him. Pick one. They probably were just stressed out from the studio being pissed at them for ruining the showmance.

  4. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, does my breath smell like Rupert?”

  5. “And on the 13th day of the 11th month, when the Whore of Transylvania passeth near the Statue of Easter Isle, great indifference shall be felt throughout all the nations of the world.”

  6. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Visible Ink
    Commented on this photo:

    Forget movies. This is the best acting these people ever put on.

  7. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Visible Ink
    Commented on this photo:

    Some say the best way to get your next movie role is at the premiere of your current one. I see she came dressed for the occasion.

  8. Shit, did I miss St. Patty’s day? How long have I been out? Why does that leprechaun look so ashamed? SOMEBODY ANSWER ME!!!

  9. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    alex
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s super meh.

  10. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Indifferent Bastard
    Commented on this photo:

    C’mon, just one kiss. I know you prefer me looking like a guy but it’s in the contract.

  11. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    dat dress.

  12. inkydink

    both of the them suck and can’t act. he’s ugly and she’s a smug twat. that is the ugliest dress i’ve ever seen.

  13. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s that city-killing meteor when you need it?

  14. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Robert is clearly thinking wistfully about a bloody car crash…Taylor is just breathing.

  15. Nippy

    She’s a passable actress (Snow White didn’t completely suck) but damn that girl is FUG.

    • Seriously? I was never so fucking bored in all my life. She’s mastered the art of grimacing and flexing a bunch of muscles in her face, but a series of facial gymnastics still don’t equal showing an actual emotion.

  16. amie ann

    KSCREW continues to show the world how she lands her roles.

    Also, Verionca Lake also had a nasty reputation & ended up screwing her career also…she is NOT someone to copy…

  17. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    ben
    Commented on this photo:

    Sparkles definitely looks uncomfortable in those pics.

  18. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m dreaming of a transparent dress”

  19. Annie

    It’s just amazing how they jerked the fans around and in the end the premiere was not even the best premiere they’ve had. It was like, let’s just get it over with and not even give a message to the fans, thanking them for the absurd ammount of support to something not even that is not that remarkable. I read on Twitter that some of the fans who camped for 4 days didn’t even get to see them and they didn’t try to get to every fan as they should have. It’s like, can you stop pretending for a minute that you would be on the same level your are right now without these movies?
    Again Kristen looks over it, Rob looks embarrassed, nobody cares about Taylor Lautner anymore and the only people showing any sort of respect or appreciation to the public are the ones people didn’t camp out to see… Do they really believe this adoration will follow them everywhere? I mean actual fans stopped caring about Taylor while the movies were still going on. People are fickle, especially young women.

    • pfk

      I think one can safely say that these two are over (waaaaay over) their extremely selfish, puerile, toxic “fans”. How are genuinely creepy losers who think they own a couple of actors for the price of a movie ticket deserving of respect? Oh, I forgot. We be livin’ in Obamanation now, where the people who work and create must pay the people who sit on their fat asses and leech for the privilege of living in America.

  20. JustSaying

    There’s a lovely butt shot of Kristen making the rounds on the Internet…that should be on here!!! Sheer dress–don’t know what everyone’s complaining about…in my opinion it should’ve been completely transparent!

  21. tlmck

    “Psst. Just think Rob. Only a few more weeks of this crap and you can finally come out.”

  22. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    angela
    Commented on this photo:

    they are too good krestin stiwart taylor lautner robert partisonne

  23. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    angela
    Commented on this photo:

    I am looking a film krestin stiwart taylor lautner together nouveon movie

  24. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    rj
    Commented on this photo:

    I like the color of her lipstick. It would look great on me. That is all.

  25. Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Taylor Lautner Stephanie Meyer The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Premiere
    Elton J.
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Steph try losing some weight. Its not like you cant afford a trainer you lazy woman

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