That’s Right, Private Kristen Stewart, Take Off That Uniform And Party With The Chick In The Bikini

July 18th, 2013 // 25 Comments

Here’s Kristen Stewart on the set of Camp X-Ray where she plays a guard who falls for one of the prisoners even though everyone’s all like, “What? No. He’s dangerous!” But, God, how she wants to have his terrorist baby even if it kills her because the central theme of the movie is that’s what women were put on Earth for: Squirting out dudes’ babies. It’s a completely original concept.

Photos: Splash News


  1. I’ve seen this movie before… Kristen’s the one that’s wearing the strap-on, right?

  2. Randal

    Kristen has continued to define herself as a top rated actress since she appeared in Into the Wild as the young, shy musician. Since then, we’ve seen her become a heart throb through her Twilight years, which has opened the door to more adult roles.

    Stunningly beautiful, smart and funny, she’ll be around for a long time.


  3. cc

    Given Kristen’s fondness for oral, she might just have decided she needed some impromptu head. I am sorry we missed it.

  4. Kristen Stewart Camp X-Ray Tara Holt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    That beer is going to skunk pretty quick in the sunlight. Either pound it or put a cuzy on it.

  5. Kristen Stewart Camp X-Ray Tara Holt Bikini
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “I told you once already, Sam….I’m not working another second until you *promise* me you’ll have my beat up black Nissan pickup truck on location by sunset. How the FUCK am I supposed to be a hipster if I’m being driven around in LIMOS, SAM, LIMOS!!”

  6. I liked where this was going and then I didn’t.

  7. JC

    I was really hoping the prisoner was the chick in the bikini. And that KStew would be replaced with someone who could act in a more “adult situation,” perhaps Stoya or Kayden Kross.

  8. Kodos

    I don’t consider ‘KStew’ good breeding stock.

    Tara Holt, on the other hand…

    Let the re-population begin!

  9. Kristen Stewart Camp X-Ray Tara Holt Bikini
    Nonnie Moose
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m having a very hard time understanding why anyone is bothering to take pictures of Kristen when she’s on the same boat. She’s cute, doesn’t look like a stick figure carved out of ice, and actually seems capable of showing an emotion other than dull surprise.

  10. Kristen Stewart Camp X-Ray Tara Holt Bikini
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Move aside, bimbo!” says Stewart’s character, “This ship is the U.S.S. Directors Cock and I’m it’s Captain. If there’s any on-board cunnilingus to be had . . . I’m first.”

  11. I don’t see how anyone can buy Kristen as a military chick. She’s so tiny. She’s got the robot demeanour of a soldier down though.

    • JJ

      This. The girl can’t weigh more than 100 pounds. There was some photo of her at one of those fashion week things on here a few weeks ago and she was wearing shorts and her legs looked incredibly tiny. She looks like she’d fall over if someone bumped into her. Eh. Kind of sad that Peyman Moaadi has been reduced to this movie.

  12. JJ

    That’s not what this movie is about at all, but okay. If it was, that’d be messed up. I’ll only see this because I’ve enjoyed Peyman Moaadi’s other works and because the blonde is cute.

  13. brian

    Eh, I’d still glaze her like a donut.

  14. crisk

    She’s great, I’m rooting for her. It’s a lovely person and a wonderful actress!!

  15. Kristen Stewart Camp X-Ray Tara Holt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m not really digging the white socks and sandals look.

  16. kery

    She annoys me!! I don`t know how she gets those characters, Well I think We all Know how ……

  17. Kristen Stewart Camp X-Ray Tara Holt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    God she is the most unattractive attractive person I’ve ever seen. I don’t even know quite what to make of her. She confuses my senses and I’m straddling some painful metaphorical line between fugly and take your pants off. Damn you, Kristen!

    • Artistes

      Seriously, the people who do this dead-eyed plain Jane’s hair and makeup on movie sets and red-carpet events are the true artists. Not her. Those people deserve Oscars.

  18. Vronsly

    wot chappened to my comment ?

  19. Jackal

    Lmao at this cesspool of comments. Stay pressed, guys. I swear you all live to leave negative comments on celebrity articles; especially her for some reason i’ll never get.

    And no that’s not what the movie’s about. She forms a friendship with the prisoner, she doesn’t fall for him. The caveat to that is that guards are not supposed to “bond” with the detainees but she does. Not in a romantic way though. She just gets to know him as more than a random detainee and more as a person. You’d know that if you read the fucking synopsis.

  20. This movie already smells like a bomb.
    Lets face it the only reason she’s famous is because she is a pretty white girl that did 3 shitty, big money making movies where 99.99% of the cast were just pretty ass white folk(Abercrombie and Fitch types). Period. I ain’t hating I’m just saying.
    Outside that box she’s garbage!!!!!!!!

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