Kristen Stewart Banned From Robert Pattinson’s ‘Cosmopolis’ Premiere

August 3rd, 2012 // 74 Comments

Now that her black heart has sent a wounded Robert Pattinson into the perpetually-pregnant arms of Reese Witherspoon for comfort, Kristen Stewart is banned from the premiere of Cosmopolis even though no one can get a straight answer if Robert Pattinson is even showing up for it or not. All they hear when they call him is, “It’s stabbing me! Her chin is stabbing me! OH GOD!” so who the hell knows what that means? British people talk funny. RadarOnline reports:

“Despite the fact Robert and Kristen have been communicating by cell phone, she will not be at the Cosmopolis New York premiere,” a source said.
“Security was briefed and they were told that Kristen is not allowed anywhere near the red carpet or the after party.
“The decision was made because Robert just doesn’t want to see her. There were fears that she could use it as a chance to talk to him in person and that sort of drama is not wanted at the premiere.
“There’s also the fact that if she did attend, it would distract from the film premiere itself and the movie bosses are not interested in that sort of publicity.”

“So just to be safe, security tossed a bag of weed down a deep canyon and are pretty sure they saw her rappelling after it. Unless, of course, it was just another one of those smug albino spider monkeys, in which case, we’re going to need everyone to lock the backseat of their cars. That’s where she strikes.”


I don’t know why I included this, or even found it amusing, yet here we are.

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News, WENN


  1. mrsmass

    unless she’s stalking him, why would she bother showing up in the first place? and why has this site been fucked up for the last day?!

    • cc

      Glad it’s not just me.

      In any case, he should let her show up and then have some bouncers throw her unceremoniously into a fountain. That would be good.

    • Inner Retard

      Thumbs Up/Down still doesn’t work 80% of the time.

  2. Eddie Baby

    Hell has no fury like a man scorned by his beard.

  3. She’s not the only one banned: Robbie thinks all girls are icky.

  4. Jen B.

    I’m by no means excusing her recent behavior, but I highly doubt she would show up to his premiere given the circumstances. The fans and press would tear her apart; her reps would never let her go.

    • Jeez, is there any way he could ban Kim Kardashian from showing up at anything, anytime?
      It seems like he’s on roll here – use it wisely, dude!

    • Jen makes an excellent point. This whole story sounds like it’s coming from Pattinson’s people, just taking a gratuitous dump on Kristen Stewart. When everyone knows she’s not into being dumped on. She just wants her taco licked.

      • Frank Burns

        Can’t tell if you mixed your metaphors there or not. English class was boring, and the broad who taught it wasn’t even from England, so why pay attention?

  5. El Jefe

    If she is out banging other dudes, I doubt she is spending too much time worrying about him.

  6. Annie

    She should pull a Hilary Duff and bring Aaron Carter.

    • re Annie

      Hillary Duff brought Aaron Carter to Lindsay Lohan’s premiere didn’t she? Back when they were fighting over him or some such nonsense. Where are they all now I ask you? Hillary is a fat mom, Linsday is a coke addict with one foot in the grave and Aaron Carter? Who was he exactly? And aging boy-band member’s brother? LMFAO

      • Happy_Evil_Dude

        And yet we’d all have sold our own mothers to be in Aaron Carter’s place at the time. Shit those chicks used to be fine.

  7. Basement Jack

    Oh the tragedy.

  8. sacred heart sucks

    ugh! he seems like such a wuss, no wonder she cheated on him. just get over it already, good luck with that breeder cow mommy reese – and why so much hating on kristen around here? can’t deal with a strong woman who takes what she wants? GO KRISTEN!!

    • MZ/X

      You mean why we hate a talentless, stuck up cold fish who slept around with a married man with kids while pretending to be still girlfriend of another guy? Something tells me you’d never understand.

    • Annie

      I happen to like Rob, he seems cool and relatively normal but he does seem like a bit of a wuss. I do agree that he needs to take charge and never reconsider a forgiving her. Knowing someone cheated on you is awful but seeing it with your own eyes is the fucking worst. Those images are going to haunt him every time he’s with her.

      If he goes back to her we’l know for sure e’s a guy with selfesteem issues. He’s said before that he’s very very insecure.

      • re Annie

        I think he should take her least publicly until their movie is released. Don’t they earn a share of the profits on those films now as part of their contract or something? I think we’ll be seeing a staged reconciliation in about 2 months time right before BD2 comes out. Watch and see. This is all a publicity stunt to raise hype for their film and make them interesting again. Rob was in like the 100s on the StarMeter before this scandal hit. He’s moving up again. He’s got his fake girlfriend’s staged affair with her director to thank for that. LOL!

      • You really do have no idea what a good “publicity stunt” involves, do ya? If it looked as though she were hooked up with someone on the side and he dumped her because he doubted she was faithful, all the while she denied it, and then she finally convinced him it was the nasty paps who set her up and they tearfully and lovingly reconciled on the red carpet of the last Twiyawn premiere – THAT”S what a successful publicity stunt looks like.

        It does NOT involve immediately admitting to fucking a married man for the past six months and then making statements about how sorry you are and that you owe his wife an apology – no matter how contrite you are, amitting it rather than denying it’s a major career suicide move right there. And stating that you intend to get the injured party back? Extremely stupid move because it makes you look arrogant, unsympathic and even more callous than you did by fucking a married man while living wiith someone else. This is publicity nightmare, not a “stunt”. Making someone who was a romantic magnet hella unlikeable, never mind totes in the wrong, never pays off – no matter what.

    • Mary Feeney

      A strong woman who takes what she wants???? Either you never saw the apology she issued to People, or you read it without a shred of comprehension. Here it is: “I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.” If that sounds to you like it was written by “a strong woman who takes what she wants,” then I’m sure there are many people lining up who “have a bridge to sell you.”

      • Annie

        Yeah, that sounds more like a girl who’s embarrassed for getting caught and a dumb celebrity trying to reach out to her bf through effing People magazine because he won’t take her calls.

        Her PR people are retarded and a half. But what do you expect from the woman who repped Lindsay Lohan?

      • sacred heart sucks

        yeah, i saw that, and, well, given what she did does that seem real to you – as in, don’t you think someone else wrote that shit to keep a certain segment of the public on-board the k train while she was keeping the party alive somewhere else? in other words, girls got people to clean it up after she wrecks it up. that’s power, mom. so, like i said, GO KRISTEN!!

      • Mary Feeney

        So your theory is that Kristen got people to write a letter and send it to People that makes her look like weak because she’s strong. Quite an imagination you’ve got there, grandma.

      • Seriously, look at the name and that’ll tell you all you need to know – obviously parochial schools take anyone these days. If you think “sacred heart sucks” now, what’ll you see her sign-in when they make her repeat a few more grades.

    • Sliver

      “Sacred Heart Sucks” um…twiTard much?

  9. BeBo Wobbley

    Another bullshit story by the Fabricators of Truth….this has been roundly denied by the film’s people… more chance to actually do some investigation before writing a satirical lie gone, Fish…There is a great deal of difference in outright copying other people’s lies and writing satire…as usual you have failed in discerning the difference…..

  10. vgrly

    Since when did this become a twihard site?

    • Frank Burns

      Fish is just taking a cue from Ted Casablanca and appealing to a younger audience. Any day now he’s going to fire Photo Boy and replace him with one of the Teen Moms.

    • Sliver

      You mean twiTARD, right? (‘Twitard’ is a registered trademark of Sliver. Written permission to use this term is granted as long as the original credit is issued to Sliver for trademark origination. All rights reserved.)

  11. I think this guy has a thing for big chins! I mean, look at Kristen Stewart’s chin, it’s no small fry. Of course, it cannot compare to Reese Witherspoon’s harpoon chin, but it’s close

    Now, if I were Jay Leno, I’d be watching my back around Robert

    • Frank Burns

      Don’t worry about Jay, if there’s anyone who know about stabbing people in the back, its Leno.

  12. Schmidtler

    Aside from the ‘cheating’ angle, didn’t Natalie Portman do the exact same thing, bang the director of the movie she was in, while they were filming the movie? Portman got an oscar for that. K-Stew gets blackballed. Proof positive that the Jews really do control Hollywood. Assuming, of course, that all the other relevant facts are ignored in this analysis.

    • El Jefe

      Kristen Stewart banged a black dude? When?

    • Annie

      Natalie hooked up with the choreographer, not the director. Also, this guy was single and so was she.
      Kristen was in a four year relationship, her director is twice her age and married with children. No way to spin this, it’s skanky and sleazy, but then again this is Hollywood and actresses hook up with authority figures all the time.

      • re Annie

        Oh it looks like we have a Kristen-hater in our midst. What a surprise? *eyeroll* Natalie hooked up with one of the executive producers of Garden State on his yacht. He’d been pursing her all throughout filming but she didn’t reciprocate until later post-production of the film-very similar story to Kristen’s in fact. She also hooked up with Benjamin Millepied during The Swan. He had a fiance at the time. Get you facts straight before you post lies you can’t back up. Also the Jews controlling Hollywood comment was racist. Knock it off.

      • Annie

        LOL LOL stating the facts doesn’t make me a ~Kristen hater. Like t or not, your sour puss idol is a skank and a fake. “Ooh I hate being famous! The paparazzi make me feel like a rape victim! Stop looking at me! My private life is private but watch me beg and humiliate myself to People magazine! I’m such an honest person, I could never lie! I’m not a celebrity, I’m an artist…” i guess we now have a clue as to why on Earth she lands roles.

        Seriously, you Twihards need to stop defending her. You hate on Nikki and Ashley and call them whores when they have never done anything like this. It’s just embarrassing that the workd thinks you’re all 15 when you’re all in your 30′s.

      • Mary Feeney

        Would you prefer if someone simply pointed out that there are 8 major studios in Hollywood and the head of each of them is Jewish? Or would even that qualify as “racist” in your politically correct mind?

      • Sliver

        To “re Annie”
        racist….or true?

  13. kimmykimkim

    What a pussy.

  14. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Best shot out of the bunch. Sexy.

  15. Cressida

    OMG, he can do soooooooooooooo much better than K-Twat!!!

  16. Annie

    Did her people put a stop on the rest of the scandalous pictures that some Australian tabloid bragged about purchasing? There were 3 papz and we’ve seen only 50 pics. Us Mag bought one third. I’m asking because people will lose their shit when those see the light of day. She’s BJing him in the car, reason #1 why she went apeshit and sent that embarrassing apology hours later.

    This is so hilarious because she called the paparazzi cunts, pieces of shit, etc to their face and they returned their hate tenfold. It’s just too good.

    • re Annie

      That never happened. There were no oral sex pics at all. The paparazzi who took the pics pretty much confirmed all they got were kissing and hugging pics. Nothing more. He wasn’t going down on her and she wasn’t on him either. That rumor started on a known Kristen-hater sight, A Dark Forest, and was never backed up. Famous Magazine in Australia released the 50 pics they said they bought. It’s the same ones that everyone else has already seen.

  17. MissJonsey

    I was wondering where the other photos were too? Us only printed a fraction of them but supposedly there were a lot more of them.

  18. Rob's own sordid past

    Robert Pattinson has been cheating on Kristen Stewart since the start of their relationship. He hooked up with Megan Fox AFTER the Twilight premiere in Tokyo when he first got together with Kristen. He was sleeping with Nikki Reed at the start of New Moon filming and Ashley Greene all throughout. He hooked up with that Erika Dutra chick in Cannes that year and Camilla Belle in NYC when she went to visit him there during Remember Me filming. There were rumors of him and Emilie de Ravin having and on-set fling that same summer during filming. He was cheating with Ashley Greene again during Eclipse filming that fall while Kristen was on set. There were the rumors of him leaving Leighton Meester’s apartment in NYC early the next year. He cheated with some burlesque dancer Caroline Jones during Bel Ami filming in London causing him to be late for Eclipse reshoots and also his co-star Natalia Tena who he’d already had a history with before too.

    He cheated with Lindsay Lohan during Water for Elephants filming in LA that summer at Las Palmas and was photographed with bartender Nancee Bingenheimer from Saddleranch crawling all over this lap poolside at a hotel that July after Kristen had already left for Montreal to begin On the Road filming. There were rumors that he was going to co ke parties in Malibu and hooking up with sk anks like Teresa Palmer then too. He continued seeing Ashley Greene in Baton Rouge and was hooking up with Maggie Grace during Breaking Dawn filming while they back in Vancouver, spotted leaving her hotel frequently while Kristen was in LA. There was the Russian model Ana Colja who was interviewed saying how she’d been ‘close’ with Rob since attending the Oscars with him years back and they still saw each other all the time and were very happy together.

    He was hooking up with his director David Cronenberg’s youngest daughter Caitlin during Cosmopolis filming that following summer, hitting lots of late night hot spots and parties “spreading their DNA” all over Toronto together. Kristen was asked not to visit him on location at this time. He was hooking up with LA bar sk anks like that Shea Marie chick who tweeted she shared “Jameson and Gingers” with him at Jimmy Fallon’s Emmy after-party and went back to Rob’s house to hang out following. There were all the bars he was hitting in Los Feliz and Silverlake closing them down at 2-3am every night while Kristen was busy in London filming Snow White and the Huntsman, girls tweeting about sharing drinks and ciggies with him on the patio and him flirting it up with them. He only visited London once while Kristen was filming in his hometown and not again until the very end after he’d finished the international promo tour for Breaking Dawn 1.

    There were the Sarah Roemer hook up pics and word that she went home with him from Soho House after they’d been partying with friends all night there and at La Poubelle. There were the Katy Perry texting stories that he’d been trying to console and hook up with her after her break up with Russel Brand–something that Kristen completely covered for him for I might add. There were the Lindsay Lohan cheating rumors AGAIN after that (didn’t believe those were true though-Linsday is too gross now even for bottom feeders like Pattinson). He gave an interview saying he frequented the KittyKat Club in Berlin when he was in town-a known fetish club where people openly engage in lewd acts and group sex.

    Some of this sh it is going to come to light and it’s going to bite Rob in the azz if he dumps Kristen for this thing with her director. This is not going to go away and it’s going to get worse for him before it gets better. If he forgives he and takes her back (at least publicly) he might be able to avoid the backlash. Otherwise they’re going to start coming out of the woodwork against him and it’s going to be Tiger Woods all over again. She’s the one who got caught, but he’s been doing it for a long long LONG time before this. While these stories of him hooking up with other woman haven’t yet been 100% proven with high definition pictures (because there have been multiple sightings by fans and random people of him with these and other women), he’s only gotten a free pass on all this so far because Kristen has always stuck by him through it all and looked the other way despite the constant cheating surrounding him.

    This is not going to go away if he dumps her. He’s going to reap a huge backlash so he’d better think wisely before condeming her for something that he’s done since the beginning of their ‘relationship.’ She’s not the only guilty party here. If he wants to keep this all under wraps and out of the mainstream media (as in not just in the comments section on gossip sites), then he’d better be careful. Kristen was stupid with how she handled her affair. Will Rob be smarter than she was? We shall see.

    • gaga

      I really hope one of these girls you are repeatedly drag through the mud is coming after you. I understand that you think you have to stand up for Ksrew, but guess what she did what she did and I’m surprised that you didn’t voice your opinion before Ksrew was all over the old pervert

    • Archie Leach

      Clearly this whole posting is a fabrication as robby thinks of girls as being icky.

    • Sorry, but anyone who insists on spelling it as “azz” is not to be believed about anything, no matter what. FYI, Tiger Wood’s little bits on the side surfaced almost immediately – since Pattinson’s the supposedly injured party here, if half of the shit you posted were even 10% true, Stewart’s agents would be thrilled to justifiy their client’s behavior by pointing out his past indiscretions. Oh, yeah, I forget – they can’t be “100% proven”. Isn’t that just always the way? Bummer, dude.

      Just looking at your post, my first thought was “get a life” – but now that I think of it, I honestly think “get a brain” takes precedence.

      • justi, I think people type it “azz” because they’re behind a content filter and the message might not get through if they spelled it the right way. Or perhaps I should say they think they’re behind a content filter, because no filter would have let “sh it” get by it, yet there it is. (Didn’t really read that post, just happened to notice the “sh it” part.)

        I remember chatting online with someone back in ’98 who was using a public library computer with a content filter. We were talking about movies and she typed, “I thought it stunk” but it came out “I though unk” because the content filter saw t-i-t-s. No joke.

      • *”I though tunk”

      • Nah, it ain’t nannybots – most public libraries limit you to a half hour, just to cut down on this sort of shenanigans, and I think this impassioned, fetid, little fanscreed took way longer than that to bang out.

        I think they type it as “azz” cuz it looks so edgy & shit & by kickin RoPats azz they know that Kstew will read it and know they know the TRUTH and find them and fuck them az a reward. Also, uh, because Mom would be superp!ssed at them if they swear on the internets.

        What’s really scary is that this bonehead is probably well over 30 years of age – and while tweeny Twihard obsession at this level is most beautifully mocked by Will Ferrell, it’s pretty fuckin’ creepy when you see it manifested here.

    • Wow, you wrote all of that. I have a BA and never wrote that much about important subjects.

    • Yousuck

      I hope the people you are slandering hunt you down and sue you. You’re a monster.

  19. I think she should come over to my house, that girl is a fox!!

  20. Pat C.

    Poor Kristen. How will she ever find a man now?

  21. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    haha, welll now we all know just how beautiful her SOUL is… *sarcasm*

  22. tlmck

    Is there anything celebrities won’t milk for publicity?

  23. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Prepping for that coveted new Bugs Bunny role I see

  24. Carla

    Google “albino spider monkeys,” and you’ll agree that they have way more to be smug about than that flat-affect skeezer above. Shit Fish, Google needs to pay you for all the extra fucking googling you inspire, lazy as fuck right now and had to look that shit up. /excuse me while I holler at my man to get me another beer,brb!

  25. Matt

    Man, the media is really trying to get people to feel sorry for Rob. It seems so many Rob-lovers love to forget that he pursued Kristen when she was dating that Michael kid. He was the other man and now is shocked the same thing happened to him? I can’t give two-shits about that guy or Kristen and the director. The only people I feel for in this whole thing is the wife and the kids of the director. This is a crappy thing for them to go through.

  26. Johnny P!

    Kristen this, Kristen that, whatever.
    She’ll be utterly forgotten and unable to find work after “Snow White and the Huntsman 2″ (which is utterly pointless, but only being made because the box office receipts were good on the first one, and Hollywood is retarded).
    What I can’t wrap my mind around is that Cronenberg chose to work with Pattinson.

  27. MZ/X

    I’m usually not a Will Ferrell fan but this was hilarious. Also, for some reason the older he gets the more he reminds me of George Bush junior.

  28. Enough already!

    She was never going to go to the premiere. Nobody banned her.

  29. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Dr. Ike
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d like pound her in the butt and see if she keeps that same usual expression on her face while I do it.

  30. Grier

    Kristen deserves what she gets she cheated and it wasn’t out of boredom because the photos show her enjoying herself by pressing up her bum into Rupert’s crotch and they are both smiling. It’s one thing to cheat with a taken man because his adult partner will be able to make sense of it in a mature way. BUT a man with YOUNG children is so unacceptable because children are so naive and innocent that they have no idea how to process what is happening and can easily be carried away by their emotional response to the situation they can’t deal or handle this news positively Kristen is a monster to cause a huge episode of trauma in innocent kids life that can scar them no wonder her name has the word WART how appropriate the man upstairs knew what he was doing when this WART was named Kristen’s ewwwart. Miss Ew WART

  31. annie

    wow shocked rob has time to make movies with all the screwing around. remmber stewart dumped poor mike and jumped rob what a whore who cares she cannot act thats for sure

  32. Jen makes an excellent point. This whole story sounds like it’s coming from Pattinson’s people, just taking a gratuitous dump on Kristen Stewart.

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