Kris Jenner Manages Kris Humphries Now

August 25th, 2011 // 55 Comments

Because Kris Jenner runs the tightest Sasquatch whorehouse in Beverly Hills, it only makes sense that she’s going to manage Kris Humphries‘ career now because that’s what good mother-in-laws with the same name as you do after talking you into an entirely fake marriage to their daughters. It’s their way of saying, “Welcome to the family. By the way, I ate your soul for breakfast.” HuffPost Celebrity reports:

“Kris runs the entire family like a business and that’s why they are all so successful,” a family friend tells me. “Now that Kris [Humphries] is married to the families biggest asset, Kris [Jenner] is going to make sure that she is making all the business decisions.”
Shortly after Khloe Kardashian married NBA star Lamar Odom, momma Kris took over as his manager, negotiating a fragrance deal as well as their own reality show, “Khloe & Lamar.” Things will be no different with Kim.
“Kris is already in early negotiations to brand the newlywed couple today with fragrance deals and other endorsements,” an insider tells me. “She isn’t going to let some other manager with a different agenda get in the way of that. The amount of money this couple has already made from selling coverage of the wedding is millions and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Expect his and her clothes, towels, watches, shoes and by the time they have a baby together, forget it. They will be able to buy the bank.”

In Kris Jenner’s defense, she did manage to transform golden showers into actual gold, making her a savvy businesswoman and also a witch for subverting the laws of nature by inexplicably completing a task that has plagued alchemists for centuries. I’ll get the firewood. “Goody Hilton, take light to the town square and warn others of devilry afoot!”

Photo: Splash News


  1. she managed to make him disappear from his own wedding photo mag cover. now if she can make him disappear from the nets bench maybe they’ll have a better chance

  2. Facebook Me

    “Now that Kris [Humphries] is married to the families biggest asset,” it should just read married to the families biggest ass.”

  3. me

    and we care because……..

  4. As much as I hate this family, I have to give Kris credit. She wrote the book on famewhoring and hustling. Robert Kardashian must be giving her business advice from the grave.

  5. Jack Ketch

    This is hilarious !! I wonder if she’s doing it “for free.” LOL Shameless cooze.

    “Make money your God and it will plague you like the devil.” — Henry Fielding

  6. The Most Interesting

    Who the hell buys a “fragrance” from a man who sweats for a living and a woman who’s asscrack holds the remnants of a thousand undigested corn kernels?

    • The Most Interesting

      Actually, if they man up and call it “Booty Sweat” I’d have to think about it.

    • Clarence Beeks

      I love when people accuse me of being JEALOUS when I rag on Kim K. yeah, I am jealous of a plastic insecure woman who is referred to as a urinal.

  7. peter pantsless

    These Kardashians are worse than AIDS

    • Richard McBeef

      AIDS has the common decency to kill you rather than just try to get you to eat/buy it’s shit.

  8. Kris Humphries Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeh, but who buys any of this crap???????


    buncha whores

    • guest

      Yes, I noticed that right away. His sister has the same “look.”

      I used to think OJ Simpson was probably Khloe’s real father and still think it is possible. It appears to me she has been lightening her skin which is another reason to wonder if she isn’t part black and trying to hide this!

      Has anyone seen a picture of the Humphreys entire family?

  10. Coco

    Does anyone else think it’s strange that he looks so much like Khloe?

  11. Dan

    Wait, Kim Karadsian got married?

  12. princess party pants

    “by the way i ate your soul for breakfast” it’s funny because it’s true.

  13. Kris Humphries Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a “What have I gotten myself into?” look if I’ve ever seen one.

  14. Kris Humphries Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Salty, ain’t it?

  15. CranAppleSnapple

    Damn that guy’s ugly. I can’t even look at him. Seriously I scroll faster than if Snooki appears. At least I can laugh at her.

    • Jillia

      Seriously. At least Snookie has boobs (is a boob?…). Anyway, something about the way he looks really bothers me. Very Sasquatch. And that suit is atrocious. I’m surprised she let him out of the house like that.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        heheh :D
        Yeah, he reminds me of those thumb people that are just eyes and a huge mouth on a thumb pad. Like in Bat Thumb. But no, they were actually cute, so that’s not it.

  16. Really?

    “Because Kris Jenner runs the tightest Sasquatch whorehouse in Beverly Hills”

    Ha! “Tight” being used to describe a Kardashian. Good one.

  17. j-sin

    You have no idea how much reading that excerpt pisses me off. People starving everwhere and Kimbo making money off her fat ass. Oh why couldn’t that earthquake take us all out??

    • they’re on the other coast. but then, maybe someone could fly them to OBX before this weekend..(!)

      but ur right, infinitessimal coverage in america about somalia right now. fucking sad

  18. Come_Honor_Face

    go to a porn-tube site and look up Shay Fox, the resemblance to Kris Jenner is uncanny

  19. Venom

    This country is fucking sad.
    People go to university for a decade, but pieces of shit like the Kardashians and the Jersey Shore assholes are the ones that are rewarded with tens of millions of dollars.
    What a joke.

  20. bday55

    Is it me or does he always have this slightly confused look?

  21. Hey Hick Fuck You

    Look what Kris did for a ex-husband’s career. All he had to do was sell his soul, and he got fame. Too bad he’s playing “hide the pitchfork” with Satan in hell now.

  22. ReelWorld

    Have seen this guy interviewed. IMO he is either gay or just a dim witted jock. The fact they were together for 8 months before marrying is a telltale sign this won’t last til new years….

  23. kimmykimkim

    Hahaha! Humphries is Jenner’s little bitch now! That’s gotta hurt what little pride he has left, if any.

  24. kimmykimkim

    Wait! I have an idea. What if we just never ever comment again on a Kardashian post. Just don’t do anything, don’t say you hate them or you love them…just ignore it. Hey, one of u college kids out there, or whoever is into making shit happen like that Betty White shit needs to make this trend on Twitter or some shit. Maybe we can make them go away! People got sick of Paris Hilton, they’ll get sick of the Kardashian’s. I am making my personal promise to myself right now to never comment on another Kardashian post. Now somebody get to work and make the world aware! I’m busy. I’ve got other posts to comment on.

  25. poppiestcik

    I think its all a sham they are not really married its all just for the show all fake

  26. That guy is a total Cro-Mag. How come all the super shorties go for the gene freaks.

  27. Herman the Kid

    He seriously is retarded. When he played for Utah, he once asked the media if the Jazz were having a winning or a losing season.

    Retarded. Retarded with the face of a date rapist.

  28. Do Freebird

    I hope his dick’s bigger than his game.

  29. The truth hurts

    What an ugly freak. He looks like the imp but with a giant body.

  30. Kris Humphries Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Now I see where Jenifer Love got the inspiration for her outfit

  31. Tristyn

    Pimp momma ,has his nuts on a retainer now and his manhood on a rental agreement,,,, hahaha !!! Kris H is a kartrashian bitch now!!!!!

  32. boo

    Really….who in the world buys their shit just because it has the Kardashian name? It isn’t going to make you rich or famous or beautiful, how insecure do you have to be to emulate the most worthless people on the planet?

  33. dontkillthemessenger

    Kris Jenner is basically the Warren Buffett of famewhoredom.

  34. Kris Humphries Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks so fucking stupid.

  35. forrest gump

    let’s not forget he is still a boy, folks!!

  36. Normal Male

    Have fun playing in the developmental league or in eastern europe for some obscure last place team. What a tool!

  37. Weirdo

    He looks like an easily manipulated idiot. I think they’re perfect for each other.She’ll be leading him around by the nose in no time.

  38. Kris Humphries Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    “Alone – bad. Whore wife – good.”

  39. Kris Humphries Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Mama Kris will kick his ass for this later.

  40. karatek

    Kris Humphries is butt ugly. He has no business marrying a knockout like Kim Kardashian. Then again, she is really stupid and he does not appear to be very bright either. Maybe they are a good couple. Beauty and the Beast. I bet they lose their fortune and are broke within the next 10 to 20 years.

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