Kris Jenner Wants To Manage Honey Boo Boo Now

October 11th, 2012 // 22 Comments
Pot Meet Kettle
Kendra Wilkinson Kylie Jenner Kris Jenner
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“You know what this post needs to give it moxie? Sasquatch tits. Make it happen.” – Me, five minutes ago to a room full of execs who’ll do anything for a shot at that penis joke brass ring.

Despite horribly insulting her show by calling it the same exact thing as Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kris Jenner wants to manage Honey Boo Boo now. Because if there’s one thing white trash is good at, it’s diabetes never reading voting Republican meth-based entrepreneurship being on Teen Mom falling ass-backward into gold and/or shooting it out of their yard with a shotgun, but only the black version of it “which is just as good, just as good…” Kris Jenner said as thoughts of another Kim wedding danced with sugar plums in her head. Via Hollywood Life:

Kris is trying to convince the Thompson family to meet with her to discuss her big plans for them. “Kris realized that they could be a gold mine,” an insider tells the magazine. “The Thompsons don’t really have any professional representation outside of TLC, and Kris thinks she can get them some serious endorsements and more money from the network. They’re getting a fraction of what Kate Gosselin got.”

While my immediate reaction is to call Kris Jenner a soulless money-sucking whore-tamer forged in the whore-fires of whore-hell, I just remembered a recent report I read in the Enquirer which suddenly makes a whole lot of sense now:

The abduction threats are particu­larly worrisome because police were summoned to the family’s home to inves­tigate a possible break-in on Aug. 27.
“Nothing was stolen that they know of, but the police take every threat very seriously,” said the source. “They warned the family that who­ever broke into the home may have been casing the place for a future kid­nap attempt by someone convinced that TLC would pay a huge ransom for their newest little star.”

“Aw, no way, mom got us our own pot-bellied pig girl that chews through Mountain Dew cans! Guess we oughta make those sex tapes like she asked now.” That’s right, Kendall & Kylie, let mommy pull those puppet strings. Pull those puppet strings all the way to the ban- Oh, God, who forgot to feed Khloe?! “ROOOOARRRRRR!!”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. llol

    I like how obvious it is that Khloe isn’t a Kardashian. She’s giant, has a different nose, different eyes. Wow. Big Momma Kris isn’t afraid to sleep around.

  2. Dan Quayle

    Honey boo boob national treasure

  3. So, what happens when an irredeemable fame whore meets an uneducable object. . .

  4. USDA Prime McBeef

    I’m pretty white trash and I keep the shotgun by the door just in case I catch a Honey-Boo-Boo in the yard.

    I’m actually pulling a bit of an erection imagining that kid tumbling over and into the street after taking a direct hit in the waddle with a 3 inch turkey load out of the trusty 870.

  5. How’s the progress on colonizing other planets going?

    No particular reason I ask.

  6. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    Dirk Diggler
    Commented on this photo:

    FAKE!!! It’s obviously a man in a yeti costume.

  7. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    I never thought she was bad looking, she has the body of a woman shes just tall and she at least looks human, not plastic and botoxed up like her sisters.

  8. Bob

    Don’t do it Honey Boo-boo family.
    You’re all way to high class to mix with the Kardashians.

  9. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s always looked good from a specific angle called pitch black darkness

  10. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    And then she turned to the camera man and said gooney goo goo

  11. “Kris Jenner a soulless money-sucking whore-tamer forged in the whore-fires of whore-hell”

    Oh my god! You nailed it!!!!

  12. Khloe may look like a linebacker but she’s pretty fucking hilarious on the show.

  13. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    Rango
    Commented on this photo:

    one word: H I D E O U S

  14. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    With that much height, and that much girth, you’d really expect there to be more boobage.

  15. El Jefe

    Horrible creatures

  16. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmmm….looks like Star Wars slash fiction to me.

  17. tim

    Kris is living proof that Indians fucked buffaloes.

  18. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s the most tolerable of the 3 oldest sisters. Yet she’s still fucking intolerable.

  19. I am a way hotter chick than Khloe Kardashian, and I am a dude.

  20. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tight Dress
    Jo
    Commented on this photo:

    What the hell are you wearing?

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