Kourtney Kardashian Finally Dumped Scott Disick

Thanks to Scott Disick not even trying to hide that he’s fucking his ex-girlfriend Chloe Bartoli while Kourtney Kardashian spent the holiday with their kids, she’s finally been given the green light to dump him, so just assume Kris rented Kylie to a Mediterranean pleasure yacht, and this is the cover-up. TMZ reports:

Kourtney Kardashian has finally pulled the plug on her relationship with Scott Disick … kicking her baby daddy to the curb after his partying habits got out of control … sources tell TMZ.
Our well-placed sources — and they’re solid — tell us Scott hasn’t come home to the family house in Calabasas in over a month and Kourtney lost her patience.
As one source put it, “His partying lately has made her make this tough decision.”

At this time, I’d like to offer my service to Kourtney and her fake Kardashian breasts that have always been my favorite. I believe she’ll find I’m a comparable replacement to Scott in exactly every way possible:

I’m a thin, pretty boy who’d go down in a fight with one punch.
I’m overly-concerned with my hair.
I hate kids.
I hate your family.
I think about them dead.
I drink a lot.
I’m a weird, creepy asshole at gatherings.
I want to kill myself when I hear you speak in that like… really… slow… voice… when… you… like… eat a salad.
My selfishness is only exceeded by my ability to give zero fucks about anything that isn’t me.

It’ll be like Scott never even left! (Call me.)

Photo: Instagram