An allegedly 100 pounds lighter Kirstie Alley is opening up about her dramatic weight loss and how it’s improved her sex life because fat people know having sex with them is freakish and unnatural yet still happens because men will stick their penis in anything. It’s our superpower. Via The Daily Mail:
The former Dancing With The Stars runner-up has revealed she is looking for love again after transforming her figure.
The newly-confident 60-year-old says that before she lost weight, she wasn’t confident in the bedroom.
‘I didn’t like the way I looked, and I didn’t want to have fat sex,’ she says in the new issue of People magazine.
While she is still not entirely certain she feels ‘sexy’, she is open to the idea of a relationship.
‘What I’m looking for is to be madly, deeply in love. For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want in a man. I want someone who has my back, who is courageous and brave.”
And by someone who “has her back,” she means literally. So, if you’re prone to hernia or have a history of lower lumbar problems, I’m going to suggest a weight-lifting belt if not a full harness system with ropes and pulleys similar to the one I keep in my bedroom thanks to a history of alcohol abuse and the flesh crevasses it causes me to get trapped in for weeks at a time. (Fun Fact: I still get WiFi in here and every so often a warm pizza box accidentally sloughs in. It’s like being in the future.)