Kirstie Alley Refused To Have ‘Fat Sex’

September 22nd, 2011 // 36 Comments

An allegedly 100 pounds lighter Kirstie Alley is opening up about her dramatic weight loss and how it’s improved her sex life because fat people know having sex with them is freakish and unnatural yet still happens because men will stick their penis in anything. It’s our superpower. Via The Daily Mail:

The former Dancing With The Stars runner-up has revealed she is looking for love again after transforming her figure.
The newly-confident 60-year-old says that before she lost weight, she wasn’t confident in the bedroom.
‘I didn’t like the way I looked, and I didn’t want to have fat sex,’ she says in the new issue of People magazine.
While she is still not entirely certain she feels ‘sexy’, she is open to the idea of a relationship.
‘What I’m looking for is to be madly, deeply in love. For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want in a man. I want someone who has my back, who is courageous and brave.”

And by someone who “has her back,” she means literally. So, if you’re prone to hernia or have a history of lower lumbar problems, I’m going to suggest a weight-lifting belt if not a full harness system with ropes and pulleys similar to the one I keep in my bedroom thanks to a history of alcohol abuse and the flesh crevasses it causes me to get trapped in for weeks at a time. (Fun Fact: I still get WiFi in here and every so often a warm pizza box accidentally sloughs in. It’s like being in the future.)

Photos: Getty


  1. Bonnie Blumper

    Anyone got a harpoon handy?

  2. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought Anne Bancroft was dead.

  3. G

    Gosh! We all know it’s in her style to provoque with ugly, grotesque and bizarre, but Gaga is doing too much this time.

  4. ohmy

    She looks like a caricature of a transvestite. jesus christ, how much more makeup could they put on her.

  5. thin lizzie

    why is she showing off her lumpy fat sagging body?

  6. Schmidtler

    hey, ‘Chaz’ Bono claims ‘he’ is a dude now, maybe ‘he’ can bang her fat ass.

  7. ArtGirl

    Yeah, yeah, she’s trying to save face by saying she “chose” not to get laid while weighing 300lbs. Whatever! You’re all missing the big picture: Kirstie Alley has replaced her hair with ribbon candy and none of you seem to give a tiny rat turd!

    • Where’ve you been for the past 3 years? When she replaces it with contoured ribbons of 70% cacao premium dark chocolate, garnished with garlicked cocoa nibs and basil-lavender chips, then you can fucking call me.

      Of course, by then Gwyneth Paltrow will have gotten there first and claimed she gave Alley both the advice and the recipe.

    • TomFrank

      That’s not a rat turd. It’s a caper.

  8. Your mom called, says she’ll meet you on the catwalk. The catwalk. Do a little dance on the catwalk.

  9. skunk

    60 years old and now just figuring out what she wants? impressive

  10. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    Something white came out of her boob hole. Sick.

  11. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    You can tell how much everyone wanted to see Kirstie Alley on the runway.

  12. Kelly

    Did Amy Winehouse leave her the hairstyle and make up in her will?

  13. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks 40. I refuse ti believe this !

  14. Lola

    It might help her get laid if she wasn’t made up like Cruella DeVille!

  15. CranAppleSnapple

    If you make your hair extensions out of salt water taffy, I doubt the weight will stay off.
    She has Entenman’s dust on her norgs.

  16. Aja

    She looks remarkable for 60!

  17. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    wtf is with that crispy hair

  18. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    oh i know
    Commented on this photo:

    jesus CHRIST!!! i’m hanging this picture on my front door for Halloween, that’ll keep those little buggers from ringing the damn doorbell…..yikes!

  19. CranAppleSnapple

    She has Lilo face. It’s creeping me out, the facial expression and harsh makeup. They could have been separated at birth.

  20. KMA

    Is it wrong of me to admit that my mom looks just like her? Ya know, minus the scary, i want to eat your brains, eye make up.

  21. tlmck

    If she is 100 pounds lighter, remind me to never buy meat from her.

  22. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously? Am I the only one who feels like she over exaggerates her weight loss? There is no way she’s 100 pounds lighter. She’s insane.

    • Courtkney

      From her heaviest weight, I believe it. She didn’t drop it all recently. But a little bit at a time, I believe total she probly lost close to that at least.

  23. Billy Barty , Jr

    Cross between Amy Winehouse and random emo girl look when your 60 ?
    Who gives you your fashion advice ?

  24. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    if she refused to have fat sex what are those stains on her dress from?

  25. gigi

    bellissssiiimmaaaaa lol [awesome SNL sketch reference of course-- the last time she looked good] and don’t forget the scientology angle y’all…. feh…

  26. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    she needs to lose another 100 pounds…..

  27. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    she is still ugly and is still fat, she will always look like a witch.

  28. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t move, this is a stick up.

  29. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    how long did she have to sit there and how much crap did she put on her hair and skin to try to show people she is above getting older. She seems deperate cuz she seems to try sooo hard.

  30. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    You give her shit for being fat, you hate for being skinny.
    The girl can’t win.

  31. Kirstie Alley Fat Sex
    Commented on this photo:

    Kirstie Allie is worse than John McCain and Romney.

    Go live quietly somewhere and stop hiring Beetlejuice to apply your makeup !

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