Kirstie Alley Probably Shouldn’t Have Lost All That Weight So Fast

December 7th, 2011 // 101 Comments

Possibly motivated by a self-imposed dry spell after refusing to engage in “fat sex” (a.k.a. Every night of the week for this motherfucker. High five!), Kirstie Alley rapidly shed a dramatic 100 pounds presumably by using Scientology slave laborers to tunnel out all the cellulite so it can power an entire prison/pleasure yacht. Except she probably should’ve taken into account that the older you get, the less elasticity your skin has, so it’s practically a miracle people aren’t tripping and falling behind her. “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to carry your excess face in a cart. It’s for liability purposes, you understand.”

Photos: Fame, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN


  1. Clarence Beeks

    Oh. My. LORD.

    • Randal

      For a woman that is sixty years old, she’s in great shape, sporting long, healthy glowing hair, a body that tells you she takes care of herself and she can still bring a smile and laugh to everyone watching her movies.

      Old age happens to everyone, let’s just hope we all look this good when we reach that age.


  2. Can

    This is what the crypt keeper looked like in life. Tales live in the vault of horror.

  3. You know that sound it makes when fat dogs shake the drool from their mouths?


  4. Spider Woman

    She must be over 65 and be collecting SS and Medical by now, and with out great lighting and makeup, what did you expect her to look like the girl from “Cheers.” Just look at the rest of the cast from that show, they all look alike zombies, too.

  5. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Commented on this photo:

    Well good lord – she’s 60, whaddya want? If she had a face lift, people would be bitching about that. Pick your poison, people.

  6. Dee

    At least her wrinkled jacket matches her face.

  7. stratacat

    i hate to bring up a family guy reference, but this picture reminds me of the episode when Peter had no bones.

    • Reminds me more of when Stewie and Brian were traveling through the multiverse to the world where people were dogs and dogs were people, and Meg was a bulldog.

      • Richard McBeef

        Tom, didn’t you say something like a week ago about family guy references????

      • I said something about people who use Family Guy as their touchstone for all historical pop culture. (For example, “Shipoopi! That’s the song from Family Guy!”) That does not mean that I don’t enjoy the show myself. And referencing a humorous bit that the show itself created—Meg as bulldog, Peter as boneless blob—is perfectly acceptable.

  8. EricLr

    Hard to believe there was a brief time in 1982 when I considered her very attractive and possibly even talented. That was my first clue that I was doing way too much coke.

  9. Lynn

    Come on she’s like what 60? HOw does your grandma look? This is a normal face without a lift so lets give her some credit for not getting surgery yet.

    • Paul

      I totally agree with you! Give the woman a big break–she’s taking steps to make herself healthier, and she’s sixty for crying out loud–when will Hollywood accept that people do age, and that doesn’t make them less attractive, less valuable or less relevant!

  10. JC

    McGruff the Crime Dog says, “Take a bite out of crime!”

  11. maka

    Sorry,but I’d still hit it. She has to be an absolute freak in bed.

  12. purrproject

    are you all forgetting she’s over 60? or are you so conditioned to plastic surgery face that you forget what getting older does to you?

    • General Disarray

      My grandmother is 81 and doesn’t have saggy skin like that.
      That face is the direct result of losing a lot of weight in a very short amount of time. Not knocking her for it, just saying, that is not the result of old age. 60 isn’t really that old anymore.

  13. She’s 60. Give her a break man,

  14. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    On the bright side she’s got plenty of room to store cheeseburgers for winter.

  15. Evil Dick Tater

    For god’s sake people, a chimp tore off her original face. This one doesn’t look too bad for a transplant.

  16. michelle

    I find her nails disturbing…

  17. Dinosaurland

    It’s cool, in six weeks she’ll be fat again and it will all fill out.

  18. This is what Droopy’s girlfriend would look like.

  19. Jarhead

    Is that Walter Mathau? Is she filming the new Grumpy Old Women movie?

  20. Lamb

    You’re picking on her for aging? For losing weight? Lets hope you die young, fit and perfect or you’re in for a rude awakening.

  21. Hey Hick Fuck You!

    I love how she is pretending to talk on the phone like she actually has friends. Just get the meals on wheels and stay @home you old greasy fat grandma, because nobody likes you.

  22. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Commented on this photo:

    She could still crush a small child with those thunder thighs.

  23. Johnny P!

    As long as she doesn’t go on Oprah again to model her new “swimsuit body”.
    At this point it’d be like slapping a bikini on a mound of porridge.
    Sorry for that visual…

  24. VampiresAreFugly

    Usually, I think people should just age gracefully and not worry about it. However, this is when I might actually consider a mini-lift, if I were her.

    But, good on her for losing the weight and making a commitment to her health!

  25. Leave her alone! When she was fat, you talked about her. Now that she’s thin, you’ve found another problem with her. Geez. Judge much?

  26. I guess since her boobs got smaller now she’ll have to offer the guys cheek jobs.

  27. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Commented on this photo:

    Should I have closed my eyes when they opened the arc of covenant?

  28. adolf hitler

    shes 60 yrs old let her rip

  29. Dean Keaton

    wonder what droopiness her panocha exhibits?

  30. Fondue

    She looks terrible now but this is Hollywood; she’ll spend the next six to twelve months in plastic surgery then when healed she’ll be heavily photoshopped on the cover of Woman’s Day or People on how she excercised her way back to health and beauty.

    Then she’ll tour the talk show circuit promoting her biography/self-help/scientology book.

    • Paco

      Yes, but she still won’t ever, ever look like Sam from “Cheers”, she’ll look better, but like some mannequin.

      Can’t fool mother nature.

      I once saw Paris Hilton’s mother at a store, and at first I thought she was a store mannequin until she moved. It was very surreal and freaky.

  31. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she’s FAB.

  32. cc

    Any notice that there’s a lot of flaky chicks out these days who are referring to themselves as ‘old souls’? What the fuck does that even mean? Anyway, if you say that, you are an idiot.

    In any case, if Kirstie says it I think she’s probably spelling it ‘old sole’.

  33. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like someone hung their Christmas stockings out early…on her face.

  34. Paco

    Well, it sure TOOK HER LONG ENOUGH to lose all that weight. She must have had some tummy bypass surgery along with her cult diet plan.

  35. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmmm, if I pull it all to one side, at least the other side will look good.

  36. meh

    Come on, when is this trend of putting bags over your head gonna take off? We really really need it here, please…

  37. Twizlah

    Jesus. It looks like she had lfe-o-suction, not liposuction.

  38. Bea

    She now looks like the kind of girl that men want to check out, and then when she looks at them, the guy immediately looks away screaming.

  39. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Commented on this photo:

    “John, these pictures are going to end up on The Superficial and those fucking SP a-holes on there are going to tear me apart. I just know it.”

  40. cc

    Geesh, you could take her face to the airport and use her face as a windsock.

  41. Enidaj

    So now we’re tearing down women that are 60 (almost 61) fucking years old. What the hell is she supposed to look like? Obviously she hasn’t gone the fake route with her face as in botox, fillers, face lifts etc. Fuck, give her a break.

    • Uh, are you totally lost or did you miss the point of this site’s name? People are snarking because she really does look shocking due to rapid weight loss, and especailly when you compare her to other 60+ year olds like Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren (who, AFAIK, haven’t had major work done).

      • POWW

        I wouldn’t bet on it. They both look better than most untouched 60 year olds. You might want to check out a Cracker Barrel,
        Bob Evans etc… sometime. Sure, some 60′s have great genes and don’t show their age or have stayed out of the sun but most look their age.

      • Enidaj

        And you would know that Mirren and Streep haven’t had work done because you’re very close friends with them, right?

  42. Mehdi

    You look good……really you look good….LISTEN, JUST TAKE THE FUCKING COMPLIMENT and lets all act like you look good

  43. anthonyOA

    Walking Dead series 3 is out already?

  44. Cock Dr

    What an advertisement for Scientology.

  45. Welcome to the Superficial. You’re all more than welcome to write your own celebrity blog extolling the virtues of celebs everywhere.

    Except for Randal. You stay here.

  46. pretty vacant

    great. now she can open a store for organic saggy skin inhibitors.

  47. Kirstie Alley Drooping Face Neck Weight Loss
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’s a trap! I mean, hello, this is Kirstie.”

  48. imalittlepea

    If she’s 60 or so, she’s really not that bad-looking for her age. Certainly the dramatic weight loss didn’t help matters, but at least she lost the lbs and is healthier. Whatever some may say, 60 is NOT the new 30 (puh-leaze! more like the old rich people are shelling out big bucks to pretend they age better than average).

  49. Well for one thing, she’s healthier now, so that;s what counts. Also, for a woman her age I thiBWAAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAAA…oh, sorry, I tried. She’s a Shar Pei, people.

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